Hi All

[Mum23boys1982]

Hi everybody.

I'm a new member but a long time, on/off lurker lol.

I was just wondering if anybody could offer some friendly advice? I'm SO sorry this is so long!!

I have 3 boys ages 16, 12 and 9 and as a lot of you will relate, I would like a daughter. It is something that I have thought and to continue to think about ALOT. Exacerbated by family and friends conceiving girls over the years. At first I thought I wanted a daughter because I thought I was missing out somehow or because I felt cheated and I was just being stupid and selfish, so I put it to the back of my mind as best as I could. But after so many years of churning this over in my head, it's not that at all. It's like a deep yearning, I honestly do not want anything else in this world, except for a long healthy happy life for my boys of course, they would always be the priority in my mind.

I did suffer short-term GD with DS3, but he is the absolute light of my life so I got over it but I still had a yearning for a daughter. In fact all my boys are great boys. I Really am very lucky.

Anyway, fast forward to today. I separated from my boy's father a good few years ago and met my soul mate. He knows about my desire for a daughter and about 18 months ago we stopped using BC and just said 'see what happens'. Well to date I've not conceived. I'm 32 and he's 31.

Last January, I had a US and it showed a small cyst on my left ovary. It was just a case of see what happens and I've had no symptoms in the last 3 months so I'm guessing it's cleared up. Bloods and everything else came back ok.

So I'm not sure why I am not conceiving at the moment. We BD everyday or every other day all cycle, as we enjoy it. We've tried abstaining and fertility gels (like pre-seed). My cycles are very regular, though it did muck up for 5-6 months when I had the cyst. They virtually disappeared. The only real thing I can think of is that, for over a year, my diet has been terrible. I mean really bad. I stopped exercising and stuff and got hooked on energy drinks and take aways (really stressful time of my life). I also was popping ibuprofen like nobody's business. This has changed in the last 6 months. No painkillers and a heck of a lot eating better, though I only really eat 1-2 meals a day and don't snack unless I'm craving something.

Anyway, I really want to sway, but I'm worried that ive wrecked my fertility too much. I've not been pregnant for over 9 years and I've always been regular and conceived really easy before. My husband has kids from a previous relationship - boy and girl. So this has been a shock to me. I also smoke and so does DH.

So the advice I'm looking for, and I truly know that you can't give me anything to guarantee, is whether you think that I can still conceive and if I would have a chance at conceiving a girl? I'Ve lurked long enough to know what I have to do. And I do know that I would love the baby regardless. I think that I've been given a chance so I should take it.

I was considering taking evening primrose oil to try and boost my fertility, I know this sways boy but if I'm not getting pregnant then I can't sway anyway lol.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, this is really the first time I've talked about it in this way and just saying it to people who will understand, is SUCH a relief.

[maidentomother]

Welcome! What an interesting life story, I'm so happy you found your soul mate and I really hope you have a girl together. Did you smoke when you conceived your boys and did your DH when he conceived both his kids? How heavily do you each smoke? Have all your pap smears since you split with your ex been normal and have you been tested for STDs? What exact blood tests have you had? Have you had the full CD3 workup including complete thyroid panel? If not, I'd get one done ASAP.

I would NOT take EPO, it's really not that great for fertility and can actually cause issues, like spotting and delayed O. Plus it may sway blue. Id quit smoking or cut back dramatically, as much as possible, first off. Even switching to patches would help. The heavy ibuprofen use may have been a big factor too.

I'd probably do the PCOS version of the LE diet including whole grains, as that sways pink but is better for fertility than the crash and burn/refined grains/high carb standard LE diet. I'd do it for the full 12w before resuming TTC. This will also give your body time to clear the cigarette toxins. I'd just take 1000mcg folate, no other supps in your case. Once you start TTC, have one attempt at positive OPK and a second 4 days later. The rest of the time BD regularly as you like, with a condom.

Do you chart/temp? If not I'd strongly suggest you start, I like Fertility Friend, click on the link by the chart in my signature. Charting will help you identify any potential problems with your cycle. I had a very similar cyst and it also really messed up mymcygles, until I went on BC pills for 4 months to shrink it.

Are you a healthy weight? Whàt BMI? Do you or DH exercise? If DH is willing, he can do the diet with you, cycle or run long distance daily, and take Olive Leaf Extract. I would get him to have a Semen Analysis for sure.

[Mum23boys1982]

Thank you so much for your reply! Sorry for my late reply, I was having a good read of all the information on the site!

Yes DH and myself both smoked when all our children were conceived. Ive smoked on and off practically all my life (never when pregnant). I've just started cutting back, so has DH. We smoke heavy approx 20 a day.

Yes, I've kept up to date with smears. I had my last one and STD test at same time in January when I started having problems with my AF (cyst). Im not sure what blood tests I've had. I know I was a full work up and only thing I had was borderline on my cholesterol.

Ok on the EPO I'm not taking any pain meds at all now. Not even paracetamol. Last year was probably the worst year of my life! But we got through it! So that's something.

Ok about diet, but I'm just wondering why you think I should do the PCOS version? I Don't have problems with loosing weight? I'm 147lb at 5ft 3" so overweight for my height but not tons?

I'm just going to be starting a new job which will require me to be a lot more active, so I'm not thinking about doing exercise just yet but will look into it in a couple of months. DH is quite active but not formal exercise and is a healthy weight.

I don't chart but I've been tracking my periods on an app or FF. On and off for 3 years.

I'be made an appointment for my GP on Thursday. I will tell him everything. I had been holding off thinking it was the stress last year that had been preventing me conceiving.

I'm not sure whether to go onto BC until I sort my diet out or to ask for clomid? What would you suggest? I could get a prescription and save it till I'm ready to try? I'm not in any rush. I've got 4-6 months in my head before I start to sway properly.

THANK YOU SO MUCH MAIDENTO MOTHER!! This means ALOT

EDIT: I've just re-read what you said about doing the PCOS version of the diet. I agree but just worry that it would sway boy? I had a look yesterday at the foods and they are similar to what I would eat before conceiving DS3?

[atomic sagebrush]

Hi and welcome!! Don't take any herbs to "boost fertility" as all too often they only mess things up more.

I suspect that the ibuprofen may have been interfering in your ability to get pregnant but for right now I need more info to go on, have you had your partner checked for male factor infertility?? They have over the counter tests for that now so he would not even need to go in. The majority of the time when someone on here has not gotten pg, it has been a male issue.

[atomic sagebrush]

THe PCOS version of diet has gotten fantastic results for us. At first I worried it might be more boy friendly because of the nutrients in the foods but now that we've gotten the results we have, it appears to me that the diet sways pink no matter what, and may even be better than the standard diet for some people.

Smoking can sway pink but YOU mama, def. need to cut back on that right away or preferably eliminate. For your partner, I would have him hold off for now until you see what the doc says. This may be something easily fixed, and as this is a pretty strong sway tactic I would not have him drop it just yet. Do not have him take any sway supps while smoking though.

[atomic sagebrush]

Stating the obvious here - smoking is not a healthy habit and no one should ever start smoking or increase the amount they smoke for a sway. But if a guy already DOES smoke, let's capitalize on it. That's all I'm saying.

[Mum23boys1982]

Lol atomic! He wouldn't give up smoking! He would try and fail! I know him too well lol.

Ok so I went to the GP and he has prescribed clomid! Which is pretty sweet! Wasn't expecting it and his reasoning was that if he refers me then the specialist is only going to prescribe it anyway. But he did say this would be the only prescription and if it doesn't work then we will have to go down the investigative route.

So this got me thinking. Knowing myself, if it doesn't work, then I will become obsessed. At this point I have to make everything clear I my head. So I made the decsion that if my ttc/sway fails entirely then I'm going to call it quits. I have made peace with the fact that I could conceive another boy and actually after ttc for so long, now I'm at the point where I don't mind. At the end of the day my boys are my main priority and they don't want a miserable mama. Saying this though, I will give it my best shot. If it works then fantastic. If it doesn't then I have a great life and I will accept things as they are. This is my contract to myself lol

So these are my thoughts on making a ttc/girl sway:
6 month plan

Months 1-3 - give up smoking. App for smoking clinic already booked.
Get healthier - start the LE PCOS diet, not to lose weight just yet. Just to improve my overall health. Plus DH will have to eat the same as I pretty much cook everything lol.

Months 3-6 - my health and fertility should have improved at this point so now I would be looking to do either PCOS style to lose weight OR LE. Start any supps that are recommended. i will also start exercise.

6 month point - if I feel confident that I have followed the diets well, then I will start ttc. Start the clomid and try at least 2 cycles with one DTD in my fertile window or every 4 days. If I still don't conceive then I will just DTD as many times as I can for the final month.

Of course this means stashing the clomid till I'm ready but that's fine. Can't see it going out of date just yet.

This is going to be my last shot!! So I'm excited but I want to be prepared!

Any thoughts on this, I would really appreciate the input!!
Thank you for helping so far :-)

[Mum23boys1982]

EDIT: just seen that you asked a question Atomic!

No DH hasn't been tested. Which is what I'm going to look at before my first attempt also. My GP also hinted at the same but I guess there is no real way to know unless we get tested if it's him or me with the issue because I've not been pregnant in 9 years!

I was considering going on BC for 3 months or so incase I get a surprise BFP - makes sense if the diet works - and because it seems to ellivate mild PCOS symtoms? Any thoughts? :-))

[atomic sagebrush]

Yay for Clomid! How many mg?? (if he gave you 100 we can split it and gain another month or two to use later)

I would start diet at least 6 weeks BEFORE Clomid. Not only for swaying but also to give yourself best odds of conception.

with starting off with one attempt at pos OPK or every 4 days. Then try every 4 days AND additional attempt at pos opK for a month or two. Once you're ready to get pregnant, we have a method called "Sperm Meets Egg Plan" that is way better odds of conception than just DTD as many times as you can. DO NOT just DTD tons of times because if you don't pace yourself, your partner ends up really lowering sperm count right when you need a good amount. SMEP is much much better than lots of DTD is - it's lots of TARGETED DTD to best up odds of conception.

[Mum23boys1982]

Yay for Clomid! How many mg?? (if he gave you 100 we can split it and gain another month or two to use later)

I would start diet at least 6 weeks BEFORE Clomid. Not only for swaying but also to give yourself best odds of conception.

with starting off with one attempt at pos OPK or every 4 days. Then try every 4 days AND additional attempt at pos opK for a month or two. Once you're ready to get pregnant, we have a method called "Sperm Meets Egg Plan" that is way better odds of conception than just DTD as many times as you can. DO NOT just DTD tons of times because if you don't pace yourself, your partner ends up really lowering sperm count right when you need a good amount. SMEP is much much better than lots of DTD is - it's lots of TARGETED DTD to best up odds of conception.

Unfortunately they're only 50mg but otherwise that would have been a good idea! I've been told to take it CD5 everryday for 6 days! Which seems a lot lol

So you think 6 weeks of diet (to lose weight) over 12 weeks? Is that so I dont push my fertility down too much?

Ok for sperm meets egg plan I will research it in depth nearer the time.


Thanks atomic!! You are a diamond!! X

I will be joining as a member as soon as my wages are paid! And hopeully getting a custom plan when I've given up smoking.You ladies do great works x thanks for taking the time to answer me