New & confused, please help!!

[Dreamingofpinkno3]

Hi, Im new here and am finding this site fantastic. I have a little boy & am due my second little boy next month. DH & I really want to try for a girl next time (hopefully next year) as it will be our last. Ive been reading all Atomics fantastic essays & finding them so helpful. When ttc our boys we inadvertently did so much to sway blue without even knowing. Starting to formulate a plan to ttc a girl for no. 3. Just so confused about frequency DH doesnt have a good sex drive & quicky tires of the whole ttc business although he is totally on board with trying to conceive a girl next...I see that one attempt in the fertile cycle seems to be the most successful for ttc a girl & that would suit us perfectly...frequent release or every day is a definite no-no, we wouldn’t be able to keep it up...but I see the advice to abstain for 7 days & then one attempt is not recommended for men over 35 & he will be 37 when we are attempting (I will be 34). I then see the 4 days advice & then one attempt but this is where Im getting lost...Would he ejaculate or have sex with me using a condom 4 days before our attempt? And then one attempt in fertile cycle? We will probably attempt at O-3 initially & then bring it to O-2 if that doesn’t work after a couple of months as I tend to have a lot of EWCM & dont want to sway boy...but is this the best way to try to conceive a girl? Release 4 days before & then once during fertile period? Or do I have this all wrong? And would we have to continue to have sex every 4 days through the cycle for the whole cycle? This would not work for us either...Why does he have to ejaculate or wear a condom when outside the fertile period I dont understand this? Feel as though Im missing something very obvious so please excuse my ignorance. Do you recommend at our ages FR instead? Just trying to make this as stress free as possible but am so confused its stressing me! Please help Also could I ask what would husband need to do to sway for a girl as I can’t seem to find this? Would we need to try lower sperm count? Or does he need to follow a diet too? Do either of us need to take supplements? Sorry I know there are lots of questions here...

[ksmom]

I honestly would skip frequency and just do one attempt at pos OPK and if you're not temping to confirm ovulation, BD every four days thereafter (if you can). Timing does not sway and it's impossible to know of you're two or three days out from ovulation. I wouldn't worry about having ewcm as we've found that it doesn't seem to sway. You need at least some fertile cm anyway if you want a decent chance at conceiving. Your husband doesn't have to do anything to sway as it seems to be more of what the woman does that helps sway pink. For ladies, 12+ weeks LE diet (1500-1800c, 30-60g fat, 50-60g protein), 60 min cardio 4+ days per week, fiber, alcohol, one attempt at pos OPK, and Clomid/femara are our best sway tactics.

[Dreamingofpinkno3]

Thanks for your reply & your tips, that’s really helpful Just still confused on whether we should abstain first & then do one attempt or due to hubbys age (37) should it be every 4 days from when my period ends? I intend to do ov sticks & temping to confirm ov so would we still need to keep going every 4 days all cycle? And does he need to wear a condom until I’m in the fertile period & if so why? I’m not understanding that at all...is it in case we accidentally BD twice during fertile time? Is 4 days between releasing ok at his age but not 7 days?

[Dreamingofpinkno3]

Another q sorry I have done some more reading & see that if abstinence isn’t recommended if DH over 35 than actually FR is recommended instead starting 7-10 days before the one attempt...is this likely to give a better chance of pink sway than DTD every 4 days? The every 4 days would be easier for us but I don’t want to do it if it is likely to sway boy...but also don’t know if I can trust DH to release every single day!!

[Noemi2017]

I have the same question, husband is 38, is it better abstain 7-10 days or frequent 7 days then bd one unprotected or let him do it normally 2-3x weekly with condom and when i get positive opk then bd one without condom

[atomic sagebrush]

He can either ejaculate with you, with a condom, or on his own. Whichever.

One attempt is the most important thing. Neither daily release nor abstain have worked well and they do both cut odds of conception (as does O-3 so I'd def have you ditch that.) So it makes sense to me as well for you guys to aim at every 2-4 days.

Outside the fertile window it's great for sperm health if he can keep going every 4 days but if he can't, he can't.

The reason to avoid unprotected sex out of the fertile window is because exposure to the hormones in his semen may sway blue via mechanisms not yet discovered. It has been proven to boost fertility and everything that seems to boost fertility, tends to sway blue.

I do not recommend FR for any man who can't do FR.

Hubbies don't need to do diet. Honestly, not that much has seemed to help for hubby. Jogging, biking, smoking tobacco, and possible Olive Leaf Extract and soy milk. That's really all that has actually seemed to make any difference.

[Dreamingofpinkno3]

Thanks Atomic that’s great, we will aim for every 4 days so that we have one attempt in the fertile window every month. After exploring this site I’m going to ditch the Shettles Method of timing altogether. We won’t be trying to conceive again for awhile yet but am definitely going to get the personalised plan & do diet etc. when we are. For the moment I am just loving reading all the excellent info on here, especially your fantastic essays. I found the ingender site first & it completely panicked me with all the things you ‘have’ to do to conceive a girl, I’m so glad I found this site cos it’s much more realistic & honest. Going to enjoy my new little boy first now & hopefully we can add a girl to our family at some point in the not too distant future