Not happy!!! :(

[1moregirl]

Can't believe it. I am sooo seething lay shitty tonight with DH. We had an argument...a silly argument because I'd just done the dishes and tidied the kitchen and he came along to make his lunch for work tomorrow and I jokingly commented about that. Well, did he bite my head off. I am soooo sick of his moodiness. He does work long hours at the office and has all this pressure to be studying as well (which he does at nights, was up til 12 last night) to get certifications (works with computers) and late nights make him grumpy. So he got angry with me and said something about not wanting to risk conceiving another kid he doesn't want so he said to me "That's it. I'm pulling out." Like it was some sort of sick joke, but he meant it. It's almost like he has enjoyed having this power over me. Can you believe it? I was soooo angry I told him from now on then he can cook his own dinner and wash his own clothes because I'm not going to play housewife and servant for a husband who can't grant me that one wish. He cleared off back to the study to study and I literally threw him in his pillow, a mattress and a do a to send a clear message and have been crying ever since. How can men be this selfish and what gives them the right? If he seriously proceeds to pull out of this I don't even know if I can stay with him. I just don't think I'll be able to do it, not even for the kids we already have, and I always put their needs and wants before my own. I'm starting to think now I should never have felt guilty for tricking him the last time. I feel soooo defeated. I just had myself all primed up for this one bloody attempt in 13 days and now what? Having one last healthy baby was/is the only dream I have at the moment and he is just making some sort of game with it. If he doesn't at least grant me this one try that he promised, then I will never forgive him. Plain and simple.

[sweetdream]

I think you need to talk About later when you're both calmer.
But maybe tricking a husband in to children is never a great idea.
You say he doesn't grant you this. You can't forgive him.
But how About the other way around.
Treat each other with respect. Place yourself in his position.
And if he's working that hard. Give him some space. Talk About it at a better time.
You both have power. Use it wisely don't abuse it.

[mommymachine]

I hope he was just having a bad moment and that you are able to talk.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[atomic sagebrush]

Keep it in mind that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

When they know it matters to us, they try and use it to manipulate, but the unfortunate thing is, I think it may be something they cannot help. I think there are some people and most of them men, who do twist any and every situation into their own way.

I think they get "man PMS!!" really realy do.

This sounds terrible but suck it up, apologize even when not warranted, and they immediately have a bizarre change of heart and do exactly what we want.

It's not about "winning" a battle, it's WINNING the war. I know it's shocking but that is why they call it "the battle of the sexes".

[1moregirl]

Thanks for the replies. Atomic - everything you say makes sooo much sense and is soooo true. And you are right. I am going to suck it up and make amends. It takes a hell of a lot for me to admit defeat and I'm certainly not ready to do it yet. Not without winning this war! Lol! We had both been out all day with the kids yesterday at a zoo and think we were just both tired (especially him having been up so late the night before).

[ever hopeful]

I really think you need to talk. He obvioulsy does not want a 4th child. From what you say he's brought it up a lot, this isn't a one off. Of course he will love a 4th child when it's here, but what you don't want on a regular basis is him turning round and saying you made me have 4 because that could really start to destroy a marriage and so woudln't be fair on the 3 children you already have. 4 are tough, I found the jump from 3 to 4 pretty huge and I have a supportive DH and a lot of help. A marraige really is a partnership and whilst I appreciate you don't have lots of time to hang around, I do think you really both need to be on the same page about this. Hope it works out and that you get pg. Good luck xx

[1moregirl]

I'm not sure where to go from here right now. DH worked from home yesterday and we did speak a little (not about this issue tho, just everyday stuff), but he did choose to sleep again in a different room. I'm feeling quite alone in this once again and worried it's not going to happen this cycle when I was all psyched up for it. I'm also worried that, if he agrees again (which I do see him doing as he usually is a man of his word), on the night of our attempt when I get a pos OPK he will get 'the flop' again. He had this happen just recently when I was due to get AF and it's never happened before. I am really hoping that he is being honest with me and not just thinking he will give me this one attempt and then deliberately not be able to perform the deed. I wish it didn't have to be this difficult. Will this just be a wasted cycle? I wonder....I think I'm going to write him a letter today, as I'm much better at expressing myself on paper than I am with words.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think that the more you try and force this, your chances of it ever working out are diminishing exponentially.

If you want it to happen, let it go. Don't push any more than you have or you're going to lose every chance you have.

[1moregirl]

Well at least it was nice making up last night. although, just before he was ready to put a condom on, he stopped and asked me if it was 'going to be a problem. Or could I get pregnant?' To which I replied no, of course, as second last day of AF. But that hit home to me how much he doesn't want it. I haven't mentioned it again of course but I am well aware that we BD last night and I will get a pos OPK next Saturday. Yet if I give up and don't mention it and let this cycle pass, what if it's the last golden egg gone to waste? We are back to normal again, but I am still upset that he agreed to one attempt and got my hopes up, and then went back on his word and took it away again. I wish we could visit our friends with their newborn so DH might get all clucky again and change his mind. I thought it was us women that were meant to be indecisive? Lol!

[atomic sagebrush]

Look, I mention the "golden egg" idea so you don't skip months on bullsh--- like "waiting for coq10 to work" or whatever. But THIS isn't a BS reason. This is a "if I force this issue it will not happen AT ALL" reason. If you keep pushing, you are only making it more certain not to happen. Additionally, you are running the very real risk of messing up your family and marriage irrevocably.