5 days in a row of pos OPK....how do I do SMEP?

[Pbn3]

1moregirl that is too funny about your ds giving you a haircut lol!!

You're almost at the end of the 2ww. Are you testing tomorrow?

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[1moregirl]

Pbn3 - I don't think I can test. I've had that anxiety hit me again this evening and just the thought of being pregnant again adds to it or triggers it...I'm not sure which. Now I'm thinking I shouldn't even be trying to get pregnant again....becasue if I did get pregnant again I will just be soooo anxious of having another miscarriage. I'm really thinking I should just quit and give up. I don't want to put myself, my husband and my kids through another horrendous miscarriage and me being soooo sick. And DH has never been 100% into the idea anyway....what the hell is wrong with me? Even if I didn't have a miscarriage, what if was carrying a baby with something seriously wrong with it? I feel soooo afraid....like I've been playing with fire and now I'm going to get burnt. Maybe I just have underlying issues that I need to get addressed, like missing my children when they are all off at school and feeling lost and alone myself. I really should be thinking of getting a job next year and earning money so we can take these three gorgeous kids we already have on some nice holidays and letting them do after school activities. I have been struggling with all of this for sooooo long now and I still have no idea what to do about it and still don't feel 100% either way. God help me please.....

[MrsGoodies]

Now I'm thinking I shouldn't even be trying to get pregnant again....becasue if I did get pregnant again I will just be soooo anxious of having another miscarriage. I'm really thinking I should just quit and give up. .

(((Hugs)))

And a little chuckle.... Ok, the time to think about NOT ttc is when you have a +++++opk staring you in the face....not 10 days after the SMEP deed is done.... Hee hee....by then it is tooooo late for second guessing. If you do happen to be pg, then you will have to calm down and take each day one at a time. It does no good to be thinking how you want to turn back the clock & shouldn't have tried to get pg.

If af shows then you can decide about continuing on or not. Until then assume you are PUPO bc there is a chance that you are....kwim?

[Pbn3]

1moregirl maybe its time to go and see a counsellor to try and work through these feelings/anxieties. If your aren't pregnant this cycle then it may be a big help when you start feeling that overwhelming desire to have another coming up to o and may help you work out if it really is something you want or not. If you are pregnant then counselling may help as being this anxious is not good for you pregnancy. I would just test today and next couple days as the not knowing at this point would be increasing your stress. These ups and downs must be exhausting. Please make an appointment, even just to feel the idea out.

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[1moregirl]

Thanks ladies. I still had a bit of anxiety again when I woke up this morning but it has disappeared throughout the day. I made a doctor appointment and left the three kids with a good friend for a play date and went. My doctor was great...she gave me paperwork to have blood tested for thyroid, glucose and pregnancy (just in case) and I do have a referral to see a counsellor who works at the same clinic so I will definitely do that. I had forgotten to take my antidepressant med yesterday morning also, which may have thrown things out a bit, even though I still took it in the afternoon as soon as I remembered. So I'm actually still just 10DPO today but I have just done a First Response dip and read test and it is BFN. I neither feel relief nor disappointment about that at the moment. Strange...I have felt slightly crampy this afternoon too so I think, if you look at my chart I've attached, that I actually Oed back on CD 16 and have completely missed the boat, since we didn't start the SMEP til CD 17. Stuff it! We should've started BD the night of CD16 when I got that first pos OPK. Either that or maybe I didn't release an egg at all? Who knows. When my period arrives I am going to take my course of Flagyl, to help try and get rid of these darned parasites. And I am also going to buy a new thermometer tomorrow and start BBTing again. The only other thing is maybe I Oed after CD 19 and am pregnant but it's just too soon to show up. If AF doesn't show up in a few days time I will just test again then. Thanks for your advice and support. Xxoo

[1moregirl]

Oops!!! Forgot to post the chart. Here it is.....what do you think?

image.jpg

[Pbn3]

Without temps its impossible to guess however is the notes you recorded related to o pain? Or do you remember having your usual o pain this cycle? Not that its overly reliable either but if you had o pain later than cd16 then I think you could rule that day out?

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[1moregirl]

Well I'm out. Woken up with period here this morning. I'm relieved that at least I know that's partly why I had that anxiety a few days ago as well, but disappointed that I'm not pregnant. Clearly I have miscalculated when O occurred and somehow missed it, even though we did BD 3 days in a row. Bugger! But do you know what? I didn't really want to have a baby due at the start of winter, even though that didn't really matter to me any more. It would've been nice to have a baby arriving no matter what time of year or month. I guess today I will go out and buy that thermometer and start doing that again when AF is finished, get myself on the course of Flagyl, and start up on the ubiquinol again. Strange that I don't feel like giving up? I'll be 45 next month. Part of me still says "what are you thinking? You're too old? Look at the statistics?" But another part of me says "you had one when you were nearly 41. You can do it again, just gotta keep trying." I just have to be stronger if I'm going to keep trying and not think soooo negative, becasue that s where my anxiety comes in. I end up with thoughts that I will have another horrendous miscarriage that might end possibly worse than it did last time, or I could have an even later miscarriage, or a stillbirth, or a life baby at the end of it with something wrong with it. Is it really worth it with all these risks involved? Especially when I have 3 young healthy children already? These are the dilemmas I have going on inside of my head. But I will definitely see a counsellor and see what happens. DH has also been pressuring me the last few days as he found a job in Coolangatta that he'd like to apply for. It was my idea....told him to see if there were any jobs for him up that way. Yet we would be moving away from family and good friends I have made. A huge decision. Easy for him becasue he has done it a few times before. Born in STh America, but lived in a few different countries in Europe and then settled in Aaustralia. I've never moved interstate, let alone overseas. I'd love the climate up there, but.......I don't know.

[1moregirl]

Also, in my last few cycles before this one, my period has arrived exactly 13 DPO...so I'm thinking I probably had O occur on CD16 or later and even with our 3 in a row BDs we have somehow missed O. Never mind. Clearly wasn't meant to be this time. onwards and upwards. Thanks soooo much for your support and advice Pbn3. Keep it coming Hun. xx

[atomic sagebrush]

I really, really think you may want to start keeping a calendar about these feelings because you may find that they come in a very reliable pattern. It really makes it a lot easier to get through those low days when you can tell yourself "this isn't real, this is just hormones playing tricks on me here". Like I said the same pattern plagues me, too, that whole 7-10 days after O I am just very very down and glum and it just feels like someone flips a switch and I come out of it.