Another no-go to add to the ever growing list!

[1moregirl]

So....I know from chart and how I'm feeling today that AF is on her imminent and ugly way. My BBT rose to 37.04 at maybe 10DPO and I was secretly excited. Yet for the last 3 days it has started dropping and today I am feel cranky, down and crying at te drop of a hat, so I know AF is almost with me. And, as usual, at this point in my cycle I was feel angry at myself for getting anxious during my fertile window and skipping a few vital days of BD becasue I was too scared. This stage of our lives is soooo difficult when yuo feel the way we do (which is not completely done with having babies) and yet yuo are surrounded with other ladies who are pregnant. I am finding this soooo difficult. One of my best friends is 36 and Pregnant with her 4th and she has been my closest confidante in my ttc journey and yet she admitted to me she was happy and content with the 3 children she already has and wasn't even trying for a 4th. And when she finds out she is already 14 weeks safely along. I also have another really good friend who is due any time. Yet I know I am just being ridiculous and that I should be grateful for the three beautiful and healthy children I have been blessed with and believe me, most of the time I am and am very positive and content. It's just that, every now and then, I get that yearning for one last little baby to love and cherish, and the thought of that not happening again really does give me grief. I did start later on....had my first baby at 36 and my third at nearly 41. And I do consider myself lucky because I could've quit easily completely missed the boat and not met my DH (I actually got off my butt and met him on an online dating website) and not experienced the total and utter joy of having my three beautifulbabies. I really just have to remain focused and positive and constantly remind myself how lucky I am. I'm sorry for rambling, just that I often have no one to talk to about these feelings so it helps to write it out here and have yuo like-minded ladies read it and advice me. I really have to be proactive and be positive about what I want because I have really started to believe that this 'one last baby' thing is not going to happen for me, and that sort of mindblock could be playing a great role in why it actually is not happening for me. As of today, I am going to start taking 200 of the ubiquinol, being more active and eating more healthy, and go ahead with the Hysterescopy in early Feb. If it doesn't happen for me between now and next year I will stop trying and accept it, and will book myself into have the horrible varicose veins in my legs fixed before Summer. Plus change my goals, to becoming a working Mum and saving for our family to be able to have some lovely holidays. I also next year plan to start writing that book I've always wanted to write and to buy a red poodle puppy. So, at least I can think of the future as not completely bleak if I don't get that one last baby. What will be will be and I just have to Go with it. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my self-sympathetic babble and offering yuor much-welcome advice. Xxxooo

[MeanVeggieGal]

It sounds like you can get pregnant if you BD a few more times during your fertile window. I too get scared some months thinking that I'm too old or that maybe I don't truly want to take care of a newborn. If you want another baby but you're secretly unsure then that would explain why you're not pregnant.

Why not do what you need to do during your fertile window these next months and if it happens? If not, it's not under your control and you were meant to be a mommy of 3 lovely little ones.

Good luck momma!

[1moregirl]

It sounds like you can get pregnant if you BD a few more times during your fertile window. I too get scared some months thinking that I'm too old or that maybe I don't truly want to take care of a newborn. If you want another baby but you're secretly unsure then that would explain why you're not pregnant.

Why not do what you need to do during your fertile window these next months and if it happens? If not, it's not under your control and you were meant to be a mommy of 3 lovely little ones.

Good luck momma!

Thanks for yuor rely MeanVeggieGirl. That means a lot and is really great advice. I can honestly say since my miscarriage last year we have really only given it one serious try (with SMEP) and that was back in May when I actually did get a BFP. Man.....when I think of all the wasted months now and must've been at least one good egg in there that got wasted. Oh well....onwards and upwards. Thankyuo so much for advice. How old are yuo Hun and do yuo have any children already? Xx

[MeanVeggieGal]

You are welcome! See it looks like the time you did SMEP you got preggo. Sorry about the mc 😢. If you continued to SMEP and didn't get another BFP then you have reason to say it's age or something to that effect.

I'm 41. DH 38. 16 years old DD. 20 month old DS. TTC for 3 months.

[1moregirl]

I will def stick to SMEP from now on and just come back here for pep talks and encouragement if I get any bouts of anxiety. I've been soooo upset tonight and crying since 8.30 because our vet called and gave me bad news in regard to my one remaining doggy (I lost my 16 yr old King Charles about 2 months ago now). His blood test showed he is still bleeding internally somewhere and some abnormal cells have just shown up which are indicative of cancer. So vet is thinking he could have a bowel tumuor which is causing the bleeding. We had been treating him for stomach ulcer and he had gained a bit of weight so I had been starting to think positive and that we'd have him a while yet. But it now looks like that will not be the case. He doesn't think he will last til Xmas. and I dread the thought of having to go through putting another furbaby to sleep in a matter of mere months. Sorry for going on about non-ttc stuff here. His name is Bindi and he is a 15 yr old Maltese X Schitzu. Always been such a beautiful and loyal little dog. Heart breaking! Probably a good thing I'm not pregnant right now.

[MeanVeggieGal]

😢 Sorry hun to hear about Bindi. Sounds like a sweetheart. I'm not familiar with breeds but I love my pets too.

Maybe you will get a surprise Christmas present next month and have a bundle of joy to look forward to.

Best of luck to you in this difficult time. I've lost family members to cancer and it's not an easy road. Hugs to you!!

Keep up the SMEP next cycle. 😊

[Dreamsister]

1moregirl, sorry to hear about Bindi. I know how deep you can love a dear family member like a dog. We have a 2 year old Jack Russel terrier that is the darling of the family and sleep on shift in the bed of my 3 sons. She is with us everywhere we go.
I also want to say that I can very well relate to everything you write about being in the limbo land of being done and not being done with kids. I am also an older mom and have been very conflicted about TTC or not. I actually made a deal with DH that we would stop TTC when I turn 42 in January. Well here I am 8 weeks pg and still feel very mixed. One day I look forward to have a baby, the next I am scared if I can handle it and anxious about the future.
I think you should put and expiry date on TTC so you know when to move forward and then give it a really good go with SMEP until then and see what happens. I think one of the things life want to learn us is acceptance and letting go. I pray that you will get a baby on board in the near future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Remember you are not alone.


DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) DH (38) TTC'ing pink from May 2016

[MrsGoodies]

(Hugs) 1mregirl,

I'm so sorry to hear about your sweet dog. You've been through so much these past few mnths. Be kind to yourself.

I think you have a great plan...some things I think you ought to start right away like writing that book and saving money...(perhaps just a PT job at first). It will relax you and keep you distracted in the 2WW