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  1. #1
    Big Dreamer

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    Having second thoughts...

    Hi ladies, I’m not sure exactly what I’m feeling so I’m hoping by writing it out I can get some clarity and I’d love any input you feel could help.

    I had 2 boys and then swayed pink for my 3rd which was a girl which I was so over the moon about & felt completely fulfilled and blessed. Fast forward 5 years and I had a surprise 4th pregnancy just before my 39th birthday and during covid lockdown. My husband and I were in shock and it all felt like a bit of a rollercoaster. We were excited but also had gone through quite a lot with our marriage and my husbands mental health/addictions etc, so I was scared we wouldn’t be able to cope and stay together as a family. I’m very maternal though and absolutely love being a mum so I started to get attached to this pregnancy. Sadly at 11 weeks we lost the baby and the grief and loss I felt was beyond what I could of ever imagined. The only thing getting me through was the hope that in the near future we could try for a planned 4th. My husband is very open to the idea now and he’s really stepped up and we’ve grown closer through this heartache.

    We’ve decided to have a fresh start and get our house ready to sell and move to a bigger house and tick off some goals in the meantime and I’ve started a pink sway because I’d absolutely love to give my daughter a sister (although when I was pregnant the gender didn’t even come into the equation - I feel very lucky to have both boys and a girl already).

    I guess my stance now is that my hormones are settling after my loss and my career is thriving, my youngest goes to school next year and if I’m honest I’m at capacity now without any help or support so I’m now second guessing having another baby. I’ll be 40 when he/she is born and my youngest will be 6 (and that’s if I fall within a year).

    A seed has been planted though with this surprise 4th and I can picture them in our family. I’d absolutely love to experience pregnancy, newborn, breastfeeding etc, one last time before it’s too late but am I mad to rock the boat when we’re only just afloat? We have financial means for help if we needed it but I’m just wondering if anyone else has been in this position and regretted not going again or really felt like it pushed them over the edge by having another baby when you’re older and less energetic? I have a pretty good life balance now but family means more to me than anything.

    Help! Xx
    Last edited by Flowergirl; July 24th, 2020 at 09:26 AM.

  2. #2
    Big Dreamer

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    Just an update: I’ve slept on it and absolutely nothing about having a 4th baby at this stage in our lives makes sense but I’d still love for it to happen

    Going to continue with my sway and pray we have a baby girl to complete our family x

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flowergirl View Post
    Just an update: Ive slept on it and absolutely nothing about having a 4th baby at this stage in our lives makes sense but Id still love for it to happen

    Going to continue with my sway and pray we have a baby girl to complete our family x
    Im with you that this is the right decision, well at least its the decision that I would have made!! Im glad youre moving forward with the sway and pray . Youll never regret having another child.


    3 blue 3 pink

    Due January 28th
    Thank you God and Our Lady
    - 2005 - 2007 - 2010 - 2012 - 2013 - 2016

    Due January 2021

    Dec '12, Feb '13, July '15

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    Big Dreamer

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    Oh thank you mommy machine. I appreciate your reply and encouragement xx I do feel like I’ll have more regret looking back if we don’t have this 4th baby that came to us for some reason. It wasn’t on my radar at all but now that it became a possibility I feel like it is and would be such a gift

  7. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flowergirl View Post
    Just an update: I’ve slept on it and absolutely nothing about having a 4th baby at this stage in our lives makes sense but I’d still love for it to happen

    Going to continue with my sway and pray we have a baby girl to complete our family x
    Id have made the same decision too. "You never regret the children you do have, only the ones you dont." Good luck with your sway
    now 6blue4pink

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  9. #6
    Big Dreamer

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    Quote Originally Posted by 4blue2pink View Post
    Id have made the same decision too. "You never regret the children you do have, only the ones you dont." Good luck with your sway
    Thank you 4blue2pink. I think that’s what I’m most afraid of - regretting not doing it in the future when it’s too late. I already feel like I’m pushing it with the ages we are so I feel like it’s now or never and I’m at an urgent cross roads. I still wonder if my heart is overriding logic too much. I’d be lying if I said I’m on top of everything now so can only imagine what a newborn and sleep deprivation will do to that. Ahh it’s not an easy call. How do you juggle all your babies? I’d love some words of wisdom!

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flowergirl View Post
    Thank you 4blue2pink. I think that’s what I’m most afraid of - regretting not doing it in the future when it’s too late. I already feel like I’m pushing it with the ages we are so I feel like it’s now or never and I’m at an urgent cross roads. I still wonder if my heart is overriding logic too much. I’d be lying if I said I’m on top of everything now so can only imagine what a newborn and sleep deprivation will do to that. Ahh it’s not an easy call. How do you juggle all your babies? I’d love some words of wisdom!
    Its funny you say that, i tend to attract the attention of old ladies when im out with the kids, they come over and tell me how they were from a big family or had a big family of their own who are now all grown up. But some come over and despite being very much past the having babies stage tell me how they always wanted 6 but stopped at 4 or always wanted 1 more etc.. even so many years later they still hold regret. My friends aunt told me she always wanted 4 but stopped at 2 because she had 1 of each and everyone said she should stop. She regrets it and wishes she could go back and have 2 more! You dont want to have that regret hanging over you.
    Having a newborn now will be so different to when you had your third because your kids are now older, more independant and will be able to help you with the baby
    now 6blue4pink

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  12. #8
    Big Dreamer

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    Thank you so much 4blue2pink. Your reply really resonated with me and we’re going to start trying this month! I’m sure I’ll regret it if I never at least try for our #4 baby and see if they’re meant to be

  13. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Flowergirl View Post
    Thank you so much 4blue2pink. Your reply really resonated with me and we’re going to start trying this month! I’m sure I’ll regret it if I never at least try for our #4 baby and see if they’re meant to be
    what is meant to be wont pass you by! Good luck with ttc and i hope you get your bfp soon xxx
    now 6blue4pink

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  15. #10
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    I had my daughter at 42 and am now 50 (yikes). It was hard more because we had THREE little ones and then my husband's father became terminally ill and my husband lost his job, and I had to start working again. If I would have had more resources (both money and timewise - not being spread so thin with 3 small children and then 2 older ones, plus everything else going on) I would have loved every second of it. Even with the hard stuff, I have no regrets and would do it all over again! Good luck!
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

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