I am exhausted and my house is messy, but I am so inwardly content in a way I haven't ever been. My family is complete. Our final member came to join us on 12/14/14 at 3:25 am. It was a longer and harder labor than I anticipated, not virtually instantaneous, like DS2's amazing birth, but she was worth every pain and ache.

I had my membranes swept by my midwife on Friday afternoon, slept well that night, and expected to go into labor the next morning. I was having regular contractions

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I did it. I told everyone I'm pregnant and that she's my long awaited DD! It took some serious bravery to do it, since I have friends with all boys who I was afraid of hurting and others I was afraid might feel betrayed for not having been told before now, but it's done now.... and I had some real surprises.

My friend who is pregnant with her DS2 was surprisingly happy for me and congratulatory. She gushed to me about how happy I must be and we got to share about our pregnancies.

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This all feels like a beautiful dream. I've been happily looking at sewing patterns for bonnets and sundresses, planning to make my daughter a Waldorf weighted doll for her first birthday, looking into woven wraps (I am in LOVE with Girasols in Northern Lights and Wrapsody Bali Breeze in Luna,) and overall just planning a colorful rainbow theme for her stuff.

Her.

Her stuff. My daughter. My girl. I almost never say it out loud because it feels like I might jinx

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I feel bad. I have a friend's baby shower this Sunday. She's having DS2 and was devastated because they're stopping at 2 and her daughter dream is over. I TRIED to steer her here, but she stubbornly refused to believe that diet had anything to do with it since her sister had both genders "without trying or changing anything." Her sister got pregnant right after the wedding, when she was dieting ad exercising like crazy to get into her dress, and had her DD. She got her DS a couple

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I found out the my Panorama results indicated a chromosomally healthy girl on Wednesday. I shook while I was on hold with the fetal medicine specialist. She didn't volunteer the sex, so I squeaked out the question. When she said "It looks like a female," I collapsed onto the bed. I squealed with joy, I danced around the house, and I rushed to my phone to text DH and my sister.

Since Wednesday, everything's been... different. I expected for the happiness, which I've

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