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  1. #1
    Big Dreamer

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    Sad news and please help **** warning graphic picture of loss on pg 5

    I found out an early scan yesterday that my baby has died. I should be 8+6 but the baby's heart has stopped (we saw the heartbeat 11 days earlier). Feel absolutely devastated and can't help blame myself for this happening.
    Today I have to go to hospital to discuss options and as I've never been through this, I have no idea what to go for. I've heard the tablets are absolutely excruciating and I think I've ruled those out, so the two choice I have are wait for a natural miscarriage or have a D and C. Both those scare me. I worry about complications from the operation and I just want to conceive as quickly as possible afterwards. I don't know what to do. I've been awake literally the whole night worrying. Any advice would be ghratefully received... thank you all


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    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; November 28th, 2016 at 02:26 PM.

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    I'm very sorry about your loss honeybee

    I have experience with all 3 of those options. The first time I opted for a d&c and physically it was pretty good and was over quickly. Later I worried I opted for it too soon as mine as a blighted ovum and I read that they were sometimes misdiagnosed. This is one reason why I chose to leave it to happen naturally the next time even though I had two scans and knew that pregnancy would not work out. The natural miscarriage started right on 9 weeks although the baby was only about 5.5 weeks in size. It wasn't too painful but I lost a lot of blood and ended up in emergency and then had a d&c again. This d&c did leave me with some stitches on my cervix which I only discovered when I checked my cervix position so I found it upsetting that no one had mentioned it to me.

    My 3rd miscarriage was like your situation and I had seen the heartbeat in a scan and thought everything was ok until I got some spotting and went for another scan to discover the heart had stopped. Due to my previous m/c where I needed a blood transfusion they didn't want me to leave it to happen at home and I had to choose between a d&c or the tablets. I didn't want to do another d&c so I opted for the tablets and was admitted to hospital to be monitored while it happened. It was more painful than the natural one but that would have been because the sac was bigger (about 8wks). I remember wishing at one point that I had just opted for the d&c as it did get difficult towards the end but once it was over I felt revealed and glad I went through the process.

    It is a hard choice to make and I don't think any option is that much better than the other. I hope you can decide which option is right for you. Take care.

    Sept 2008 Sept 2011 March 2017



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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by honeybee37 View Post
    I found out an early scan yesterday that my baby has died. I should be 8+6 but the baby's heart has stopped (we saw the heartbeat 11 days earlier). Feel absolutely devastated and can't help blame myself for this happening.
    Today I have to go to hospital to discuss options and as I've never been through this, I have no idea what to go for. I've heard the tablets are absolutely excruciating and I think I've ruled those out, so the two choice I have are wait for a natural miscarriage or have a D and C. Both those scare me. I worry about complications from the operation and I just want to conceive as quickly as possible afterwards. I don't know what to do. I've been awake literally the whole night worrying. Any advice would be ghratefully received... thank you all


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    I am so so sorry.
    Practical advice - with my ectopic they had me wait it out, it was for the best in the end, and everything passed naturally.
    Although the wait took over a month, and felt like longer.
    They offered me an injection, or laproscopy op, but could not give me the tablet as was not in the uterus.
    I am glad that I went with the wait now.
    I've had 3 D&C's, 1 under sedation which was much better than the other 2 (totally knocked out).

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    Sad news and please help work out what to do

    So sorry to hear about your loss. It sucks.
    I had a missed abortion in July where foetus stopped growing at around week six. I did never hear heart beat so don't know if it was ever a living foetus or a false. I waited to let my body do the MC natually and I am glad I did so. It passed quick and smooth, a lot of blood but no pain, at week 7-8. After that my Hcg-level decreased stadily and in 2-3 weeks I was good and ready to TTC again. If I was you I would take it naturally or take the pill while being motionered at the hospital.
    Good luck. Hope it goes quick. You will be allright again. Just give yourself time your to grieve and heal. Hugs


    DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) DH (38) TTC'ing pink from May 2016
    3 beautiful & now pregnant with a baby girl due June 2017

    Thank you everyone in this site and in particular Atomic for amazing support during my sway. I am for ever grateful.

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    So sorry honeybee- I have had a d and c before, it wasn't bad, they put me to sleep, woke up and it was all finished, bled for a while after.

    I am sure if u are prepared for what to expect, it might be easier to pass naturally. I have been ttc for ages now and nothing, who knows maybe the d and c had something to do with it.

    Either way, I wish you everything of the best.
    2004: 2011

    Dreaming of pink

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  10. #6
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    Thanks so much everyone. I just can't stop crying I know that sounds pathetic but I have spent the entire night reading horror stories online and scaring myself silly. Every time I open my mouth to speak, I cry Have phoned work and am off all week - they were lovely. I have an appointment tomorrow at 1:30 to discuss options but my inclination is to wait for a natural. My sickness has completely vanished and I am having the occasional period type pain so I'm hoping it may begin soon. My big fears are infertility from the D and C, losing a lot of blood and being very ill, and infection. I just want this over with. I never knew it would be so hard to make this decisions and that I would feel so unbelievably heartbroken. Thank you so much for all your replies. It's comforting to know that others have been here and got through it. At the minute it feels impossible that I will get through this so it is good to know others have. Thank you. Xxx


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  11. #7
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    Those of you who've had a natural miscarriage, did it start off suddenly or escalate? I don't know if I dare go to the shops in case it all suddenly gushes out?


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    Quote Originally Posted by honeybee37 View Post
    I found out an early scan yesterday that my baby has died. I should be 8+6 but the baby's heart has stopped (we saw the heartbeat 11 days earlier). Feel absolutely devastated and can't help blame myself for this happening.
    Today I have to go to hospital to discuss options and as I've never been through this, I have no idea what to go for. I've heard the tablets are absolutely excruciating and I think I've ruled those out, so the two choice I have are wait for a natural miscarriage or have a D and C. Both those scare me. I worry about complications from the operation and I just want to conceive as quickly as possible afterwards. I don't know what to do. I've been awake literally the whole night worrying. Any advice would be ghratefully received... thank you all


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    I am so sorry for your loss :'( Hugs and prayers.

    I have three angels. I had a late-term loss born vaginally at 20 weeks 5 days, an early loss D&C, and an early loss that frankly was a nightmare due to medical mistake where the pregnancy was thought to be ectopic. They did a D&C and gave me 2 methotrexate shots only to discover that it was not ectopic (upon discovering baby in utero but it was too late the medicine ended the pregnancy). The vaginal birth was just like any other vaginal birth (except that the bag of water refused to break) & it did not impede me trying again. My doctor said one normal cycle which was roughly a month and a half from the date of loss. The D&C was quick and emotionally easier to handle than my other losses from the standpoint that there was no guesswork, it was done, it was over and I could grieve. As always my doctor said I needed to wait one normal cycle. However, I needed 3 months before I felt like I was completely healed physically. My period was especially painful for the next 3 months- feeling much like it did immediately after the D&C. I also had a chemical pregnancy 2 months after the procedure but I don't know for sure that that was due to the D&C. May 3rd loss was atypical so your experience may be completely different. I had the D&C so I had to deal with that again but I also had the shots. I did not actually lose the baby for about a month after the shot and procedure... but to be fair baby had a heart beat, weak but there, for about a week after everything so it took about two and a half to three and a half weeks to complete. That one was by far the most physically difficult as well as emotionally difficult. Emotionally, in addition to having feelings in regards to ending a viable pregnancy (unintentional or otherwise), I also had to deal with the fact that I was pregnant but not really. It really messed with my head. Physically, the day it happened started off painful but tolerable. However, it quickly went from tolerable to intolerable. I couldn't figure out why until I actually passed the baby's tissues early the next morning. Apparently, I was going through labor. which was odd because my actual late-term vaginal delivery with pitocin was more tolerable. Although it may have been a combination of confusion about what was happening as well as the emotional aspect that made it worse. I will never know for sure and can only speculate. I am fairly certain that healing from the D&C played a role.

    Enjoying our 🌈 🚼 🎀👗
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    My precious babies: 2006 , 2010 2016
    Too beautiful for earth: 2009- (20+5). 2015- (8w), CP, (8w)

    Please pardon typos~ Nursing @ keyboard

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  14. #9
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    Twointow83, how absolutely horrendous. I am sorry you had to go through all those things. And to everyone who replied - I should have said how sorry I was that you've all been through losses. It really is such an awful thing to go through.
    Nothing is happening here. No cramps or spotting. I still have sore boobs but the sickness has gone. I just don't know what to expect really but I'd ideally like to pass it naturally and go to hospital if necessary. We are only five minutes away so I suppose that's reassuring in some way.


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  16. #10
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    Nothing happened for a while with my ectopic.
    Took a day after the period cramps to kick in, and then stopped and restarted again.
    But I think mine was cos it was stuck in the tube still, and only bits coming

    And it is normal to cry, I took to my bed for 4 days and was crying almost constantly

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