Would you go for early gender scan on your own?

[mandyp85]

Hi ladies. I'm having a bit of a dilemma at the moment, I'm absolutely convinced that my twins are boys and I am contemplating going for an early gender scan on my own without telling anyone, even dh, as I think I would be better dealing with it by myself if its 2 boys. My problem is if it does so happen to be 2 girls or one of each I will feel like I have taken something away from my dh and I would feel bad about that and as if I had been deceitful. I really don't know what to do so was wondering if anyone had any advice for me? Thanks.

[atomic sagebrush]

I wouldn't go to an early gender scan because they are not reliable.

As for finding out gender, I ended up going to my ultrasound with DD by myself and DH didn't seem to care at all. You know your husband best, of course, but in many ways I felt like it worked better for me, I could have whatever reaction I needed to have unlike with DS 3 and 4 when he was sitting right there and I really had to temper my reaction due to his presence and then make a bunch of small talk afterwards in the car on the way home, and stuff.

[mandyp85]

Yeah sorry when I said early gender scan I just meant to go for an earlier scan on my own to determine gender rather than wait for the one ill attend with my dh :-) I am 17 weeks now so hoping they would be able to clearly see :-)

Yes that was my thinking too, that if it is 2 boys then I can deal with it better on my own. I know my husband wants to know and I think he would be disappointed to know that I found out before him, although I wouldn't ever tell him I already knew. Of course if its 2 boys I think that would be better for me but if its not 2 boys I would feel dishonest and that I had deprived him of something. Did your dh know you were going for your scan?

[mandyp85]

I just feel like if its 2 boys ill be better off finding out on my own but if we have at least one girl I would like to find out with my husband there. Of course I cant possibly know what the right decision is until I know what I'm having which is obviously not helpful at all ha ha.

[Parying4agirl]

I havent been in the same situation but i have scans to check health of my baby and after first baby, ive decided to go on my own. My DH can deal with things alot better than me, and expects chitchat when im going out my mind with stress and worry so decided its best i go to apps on my own. Its easier now cos he can look after boys but even with DS2 i went alone as I found it easier to deal with whatever was thrown at me myself. If it was bad news then i could get up upset, control it and then tell him whereas if he was there he wont let me cry and i cant deal with it.
I know that doesnt help u as i too would feel bad if it was a girl and he wasnt there.
I guess if u go with it just never ever telll anyone ��

How badly does ur DH want a lil girl?
I mean my DH isnt really fussed as hes happy with the two boys so if i were to go without him to a gender scan and find out its a girl, i dont think he’d be fussed

If u go alone and it is agirl ... book another scan and he can see it on screen ☺️

[mandyp85]

I havent been in the same situation but i have scans to check health of my baby and after first baby, ive decided to go on my own. My DH can deal with things alot better than me, and expects chitchat when im going out my mind with stress and worry so decided its best i go to apps on my own. Its easier now cos he can look after boys but even with DS2 i went alone as I found it easier to deal with whatever was thrown at me myself. If it was bad news then i could get up upset, control it and then tell him whereas if he was there he wont let me cry and i cant deal with it.
I know that doesnt help u as i too would feel bad if it was a girl and he wasnt there.
I guess if u go with it just never ever telll anyone ��

How badly does ur DH want a lil girl?
I mean my DH isnt really fussed as hes happy with the two boys so if i were to go without him to a gender scan and find out its a girl, i dont think he’d be fussed

If u go alone and it is agirl ... book another scan and he can see it on screen ☺️

Yeah that is my thinking, that if I decide to go I will never tell anyone. We've just always gone to all scans together, apart from last time I went to get gender confirmed on my own without telling anyone, but we were already 99% sure of what we were having as we saw his bits at our anatomy scan so I didn't really feel bad about it that time.

My dh doesn't really have a preference, not that he has communicated to me anyway but he does know how much I want another daughter. We already have our 20 week scan booked where they will tell us gender so for him nothing will change if I find out early, he will still have the surprise himself and will be none the wiser so really with the chance that it may be 2 boys it probably makes sense for me to find out early so that I have a bit of time to prepare myself for telling everyone its 2 boys.

[atomic sagebrush]

yes he knew but I would have had no qualms about going in secret after the first two go-rounds. I just personally felt like it was going to be easier for me to hear either bad news OR good news on my own and not have to temper my response. This would be a different dynamic if your husband was supportive or wanted a girl, but mine wasn't really either LOL

[Parying4agirl]

If it helps me be calmer and less stressed/ deal with emotions better id prob go alone.
Id feeel soo bad but sometimes we have to do things, i guess i say that because i go to my preg apps alone anyways.

[atomic sagebrush]

This is probably a YMMV thing. I know many of the ladies on here seem to get soothed/supported by their hubbies, whereas mine is usually more like, whenever I really need him, not only is he not there for me, he suddenly becomes the biggest problem I have. :/ So I tend to do things on my own without his invovlement as much as I can and reserve him for when I need a fridge moved or spider squashed LOL.

[mandyp85]

My husband is supportive of the fact that I don't want to hear comments from other people about gender, he told his mother not to go on at me about hoping its a girl etc, you know the usual comments, but he is not so understanding of my personal gender disappointment, he just doesn't understand it, last time when we found out we were having a boy he was not very impressed by my reaction and I don't really want a repeat of that. I think I will book one for just myself and if it gets to it and I've changed my mind there is no harm in cancelling is there?