Scared to have GD again...
I have 3 boys... I love them so much, they are my world. I have always wanted a little girl and I am so scared of never having that dream come true!
I was 15 when I got PG with my first son and all I wanted was a blonde haired, blue eyed Lil boy... Dream come true! When I got PG with DS2 I wanted a girl... One boy, one girl done. I was sad and in denial that DS2 was a boy but accepted it and didn't think about GD much after. My ex husband decided 2 was it for him and got snipped. We divorced shortly after, as our marriage wasn't a marriage I wanted to spend the rest of my life unhappy.
Met my husband, got engaged and decided instead of having a nice wedding, we'd have a baby instead. (I want to be done having kids by time I'm 30). DH and I were going through a lot of things a couple months after we got pregnant... Then at 14 weeks them telling me that I was pregnant with 99.9% a boy, I balled my eyes out. I hated my husband for everything that we were going through and to top it off not giving me a daughter I dreamt about. My las Pg was the hardest one in all aspects! Morning sickness throughout, swelling, back problems, you name it i felt it. I was having contractions 7 minutes aparts from 35 weeks til they did the scan at 38 weeks and said he might be 10lbs!!! They finally induced me to find I had Polyhydraamnios (about 9lbs excess amniotic fluid) which is why I was so uncomfortable (aside from him being 9lbs 11oz 22 3/4 long!) I was done... No more kids... Almost made my husband get a vasectomy... But he wouldn't until I we worked everything out and were "US" again (smart man).... Well lately I've been having major baby fever even though our son has been the hardest child of my 3!
He's agreed for one more but only if I can accept having another boy.... I feel that if I sway and try all that I can and still get another boy then I'm meant to be surrounded by boys and I can accept that BUT I am so scared of this being it.... I will never have a daughter and what is worse, not having a daughter or living with the "what if we tried"? I will and LOVE ALL MY KIDS as I'm sure we all do regardless of gender but I think there's just this yearning to have a daughter that I can have a mother-daughter relationship that I wish I could've had with my mother.... All my boys are very attached to me, they are Mamas Boys lol and I love that, I just don't understand why I feel this way. I want a healthy baby but I dream of having a Lil girl! I'm just so scared...
Do I try or do I move on?:nails: