32 week u/s on Monday ... any chance the penis has vanished?
After finding out at my 18 week scan that we are expecting our 3rd boy I've experienced a huge array of emotions.
Joy and amazement seeing our little baby on the u/s for the first time, relief that everything looked good... followed by what I can only describe as grief that I'm not expecting the daughter I hoped and prayed for so hard.
Of course with that comes guilt at what a horrible person I must be not to be over the moon to be expecting another baby. Anger with myself for being so selfish, jealousy and sadness when I see other mums with their daughters. Finally I've been getting my head around it, choosing a name for him helped a lot. Imagining my three boys as they grow up together, and thinking about how special that is going to be.
Now I have another routine u/s on Monday, my 32 week one. All of a sudden I'm obsessed with searching the net again for incorrect gender guesses. I was supposed to be ordering some sleepsuits etc this week but can't bring myself to press the order button just in case there is even the tiniest possibility on Monday I'm going to be told the last tech was an idiot and got it completely wrong.
With my rational head on I know this is never going to happen, I never saw a potty shot but the tech was certain and from the profile shot I was given all the techs and experienced people on here are certain it is a boy.
I wish I could just stop torturing myself. :rolleyes:
I'm hoping that this scan will be kind of therapy for me, I'll see definite evidence that even I can clearly see so that I can get on and prepare for this little mans arrival. I know that as soon as he arrives I will absolutely love him to pieces and not want to swap him for anything. But right now it is still so hard.
Everyone around me seems to be having baby girls, I never imagined I wouldn't have a daughter one day. Life doesn't always give us what we want, I know. I have another friend who struggled for years with fertility to even have one baby, and has been trying for 2 years to provide a sibling. I keep trying to put myself in her shoes and give myself a serious kick up the backside. I have two beautiful healthy little boys, and I pray I am lucky enough for this little one to be healthy too. So why can't I let the gender thing go?
My dh would happily have another after this, I kind of feel like there isn't any point as it will most likely be another boy. I wouldn't be having another to have a baby, I'd be doing it to have a daughter.
HT is out of the question, we couldn't afford it and it isn't something I would want to purse to be honest.
So I'm left praying for one of three things, that by some miracle I'm actually expecting a girl, or by another miracle I'm expecting twins and the girl has been hiding behind her brother, or failing both of those miracles please may my gd disappear so I can enjoy my beautiful family without the ache in my heart for a daughter.
Sorry for the ramble. xx