A whole new world....

Hi everyone. I am new to this site and I feel that a whole new world has been opened up to me. I never knew GD existed until last year. I never knew about HT methods. I never could have anticipated how I would feel when I found out I was expecting my third DS. I was secretly hoping for a girl but for some insane reason it had never crossed my mind that my baby might be a boy. I mean you get two of one gender and then you get the opposite on your third attempt right? I had seen it happen to lots of others so why not me?

I hope that I don't sound self-pitying or indulgent when I tell you my story so far. That is not my intention. My intention is to hopefully let other women know that they are not alone in how they feel. I got great comfort reading other people's stories, knowing that I was not some ungrateful, uncaring person.

I found out that my third baby was a boy at around 20wks pregnant. I got home and cried for the best part of 2 weeks. I couldn't touch my belly as I had before, I couldn't talk to my bump as I had before and I generally felt very disconnected from my baby and extremely worried about how I would bond with him after his birth. Most of all I felt so terribly guilty about feeling that way. My DH reassured me that I was a caring person and would no doubt love our baby. I got on with things for the remainder of the pregnancy but asked my DH to consider HT if I still felt this longing desire for a girl after our son was born. Fast forward and our DS is here, he's perfect and I would not swap him for any little girl. Bonding was not a problem. I love him dearly and probably even more so because of my guilty feelings. I still really want a daughter and am now looking into HT. I don't want to risk a natural pregnancy with another boy and feel the way I felt last year.

So there you go...my story for what it is worth. I just wanted to let you know that we cannot help how we feel and emotions such as guilt and disappointment are in my opinion normal. Take care and go easy on yourself if you are feeling this way. xx

Thank you for sharing. I think most of us know exactly how you feel and could have written your story ourselves. Good luck to you and I hope we can help you on here if you choose to go HT.

No your defiantly not self indulgent, it's one thing i really value about this site is that i have learn't that there are others that feel and have gone through the same thing as i have.

I went through the exact same thing with my second. I had a lot of trouble falling pregnant and staying pregnant and when i finally did fall pregnant and got to 12 weeks i had convinced myself that it had to be a girl given the miscarriages and having to have IVF etc, i even had totally different symptoms to all the other pregnancies. Crazy huh? Never crossed my mind that it might be a boy.

Anyways i now have 2 beautiful sons who i love with all my heart. Still desperately want a little girl, so it's HT for us later this year. Good luck if you do decide on HT, there are some great people on here and LOTS of useful info.

Thanks for sharing xx

You sound so much like me! I'm going to naturally sway for the fourth one, but I really considered high tech because I don't know how I'll deal with the GD if I conceive another boy.

Thanks for the replies ladies. Have started the HT process...consultation done, about to arrange pretesting, hoping to travel to HRC this July. I know that HT is not for everyone and in fact sometimes I think I must be mad. But...I thought about it all long and hard and decided that I didn't want to look back and have regrets. This way I'll know I have tried everything and if it doesn't work I think I'll be able to accept the absence of a DD more easily. Good luck to all of you and I hope you get your hearts' desires. Sela xx

Thanks for sharing. I have 3 daughters and I said to myself before ttcing that I would be fine with a 3rd daughter. Well I was so wrong. My entire pregnancy I cried and I was depressed. I even stopped going to stores that I went to because I did not want to even have to tell certain people. I even stopped talking to some family because I was not able to be a phoney and I did not want to let my true feelings out. It was not worth it.

My baby girl is 10 months old and she is amazing. I love her more than anything.

I still long for a son. Hoping to try a pgd cycle in the future. My age is not good but I at least want to try.

I think 3 of the same is rough.

If I only would have knew why could I have not tried HT when I was younger and after #2? Why? Now I love her she is here and I am 38 yrs. old. I only wanted 2 kids, but I think in back of my head I went to 3 thinking I had a chance to have that son that I wanted from #1.

Let me stop blabbing.

Welcome and you are not alone.

You are where I was nearly 4 years ago after the birth of DS #3. I love my boys with all of my heart as I'm sure you do too...but can totally relate to the aching of a DD......so I did go HT. It was NOT an easy or guaranteed road and I had 2 failed cycles before becoming successful on cycle 3. My treasured HT DD turned 1 this month. Welcome. You have found a home here. And best of luck to you.

Aww thanks ladies. It's not "good" to hear other people feeling the same way if you know what I mean but comforting all the same to know that people understand where you're coming from. People in "real life" can be pretty judgemental about this sort of stuff.

NYFamilyOfFiveRoses, I am 39 yrs old and although I realise age is not on my side I still want to give HT a shot. So in my opinion you're not over the hill yet!! Sorry to hear you had such a rough time with feeling so low during your pregnancy. I imagine that was tough. I was lucky in that after crying for 2 weeks I decided to do something about it and hence the whole world of GD was opened up to me. However I did feel that disconnect with my bump for the remainder of the pregnancy. But...once I felt there was something I could do about the disappointment/longing in terms of HT I felt more in control and the tears dried up pretty quickly and I went back to my normal planning/organising mode. The next hurdle was getting DH on board which took some months. I told him that I felt I had to move forward (HT) or move on (get over the GD). Luckily he agreed to doing HT for me and for us. They say hindsight is a wonderful thing - you could not have known how you would feel with your DD3 pregnancy. All you can do is deal with the here and now. I send you all my good wishes that you can move forward or move on. Sela xx

Ashgirl, how wonderful that you got your DD. I'm sure your boys love her to bits. I can imagine that HT is not an easy road to travel and I am trying to prepare myself for what lies ahead. Actually my main deliberation now is if things progress and I can cycle, how many attempts should I make. Interesting to hear that it took 3 cycles for you. Did you decide on 3 at the outset or change your mind as you went along? I think I will have to set myself a limit otherwise the pursuit of a DD could consume me. Thank you for sharing your story with its happy ending. Sela xx