obsessing over stuff I should not be

I have been doing so much better with my 3 girls. I am nowhere where I used to be. However, my friend's friend is pregnant. I only know because I saw a sonogram picture on her facebook account. When I go on to my friend's account from my husband's account (because I do not use facebook) I saw the picture.

Now even my close friend said, why the hec- should this bother me so much. This mother has 3 girls in which her last baby was twin girls and she has another girl my middle ones age (around 5).

But now that is all I am doing is obsessing checking the account daily to see if I see what gender it is. I had texted my friend but she never really responds to texts and e-mails. She eventually calls me. She would have no clue why it would bother me so much if she tells me her friend's 4th child will be a boy.

Now this person is nothing to me and I hardly even see my friend. But just the fact that she had 3 girls like me and now she has that 50% chance that she will have a girl gets me because I am done having kids.

I would NEVER take the chance again EVER to try for a baby naturally. I know it is a chance and it can happen that you get your DG but if you do n ot then I would NOT want a 4th girl. I know that I am came to terms that I am done childbearing. Also I also know that with expenses of the children and me being a SAHM bringing a 4th child here would not be a good idea financially. It is hard enough with what we already had. Months back I was in a crazy state of mind thinking I would save for a pgd cycle. Meanwhile we need that money as emergency money. And we even need more than that if god forbid something happened.

I keep trying to analyze because I know the persons husband does not have a high paying job and she is a SAHM. 4 kids is a lot for that. I do not know how she lives. I just know that more kids is much harder. I do not know if she just brings all of them everywhere she goes. Then the main thing is god forbid something happens jobs are lost things happen then you have more to worry about for survival. Not many of us have back up plans. Things can get pretty bad with the economy the way it is unless there is a nice chunk of emergency money, a trust fund or something like that.

It is not like I cannot try naturally. I would NEVER though because no gurarantee for gender and I am not willing to take that chance.

It is her business and I should not even care about any of this. And look it can be a girl #4 also.

But my question is Why do I care about what my friend's friend is having? Like my other friend said, when will I even every see her? I have not even seen my friend since she had her 2nd son because it is always something on why we did not get together.

Why can I just not let it go. If she has a boy after 3 girls, what is it to me?

I was doing good for a while now I think with gender. But it is always somebody else that will get to me.

When I speak to my friend if I tell her or show her I am concerned on what her friend will be having, she will think I am NUT or cyco.

I know exactly how you feel. I've done the same thing. When I found out I was pregnant with DD2, I obsessed over what other people were having. I no longer have a facebook account but I would sign onto my husband's account. If I found out someone was pregnant with their second child (especially when they had a DD first), I would obsess over the gender of their 2nd baby. I would constantly go on their FB page to see if there was a hint of what they were having. And, the people I am talking about are not even acquaintances. We've probably hung out with them maybe once or twice in our lifetime or it is a friend of a friend. Deep down I would pray that they would have another girl b/c I was jealous if I found out they were having boys. I found out some of them were having a boy after having a girl and that crushed me. I don't know why?!? I thought I was going crazy. When I would see people having a boy after a girl, I would start thinking about how they did it -- did they sway or go for PGD? It had to be something they manipulated b/c it couldn't be by chance. That's how I was thinking. Crazy, right? I now stopped obsessing over people I barely knew and never really sign on to my husband's account anymore. Why do I care so much? These people are practically strangers and I care about their child's gender! For me, I had such bad GD with this pregnancy that I wanted others, even strangers, to be in the same situation as I was in - having 2 girls. When I would see people getting PP it would kill me. I hated feeling this way so I just stayed away from FB. Maybe you are feeling the same way? Deep down you want this person to have a 4th girl and if she has a boy you will be crushed? This woman is in the same situation you are in (3 girls) and you are extremely curious about what she is having next. If she had 1 boy and 2 girls and pregnant with her 4th I don't think you would care so much. I mostly would obsess over people who had a girl first b/c that's what I have. Maybe we are always comparing. It's a ridiculous feeling but we can't help the way we feel.

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Originally Posted by bluedreams

I know exactly how you feel. I've done the same thing. When I found out I was pregnant with DD2, I obsessed over what other people were having. I no longer have a facebook account but I would sign onto my husband's account. If I found out someone was pregnant with their second child (especially when they had a DD first), I would obsess over the gender of their 2nd baby. I would constantly go on their FB page to see if there was a hint of what they were having. And, the people I am talking about are not even acquaintances. We've probably hung out with them maybe once or twice in our lifetime or it is a friend of a friend. Deep down I would pray that they would have another girl b/c I was jealous if I found out they were having boys. I found out some of them were having a boy after having a girl and that crushed me. I don't know why?!? I thought I was going crazy. When I would see people having a boy after a girl, I would start thinking about how they did it -- did they sway or go for PGD? It had to be something they manipulated b/c it couldn't be by chance. That's how I was thinking. Crazy, right? I now stopped obsessing over people I barely knew and never really sign on to my husband's account anymore. Why do I care so much? These people are practically strangers and I care about their child's gender! For me, I had such bad GD with this pregnancy that I wanted others, even strangers, to be in the same situation as I was in - having 2 girls. When I would see people getting PP it would kill me. I hated feeling this way so I just stayed away from FB. Maybe you are feeling the same way? Deep down you want this person to have a 4th girl and if she has a boy you will be crushed? This woman is in the same situation you are in (3 girls) and you are extremely curious about what she is having next. If she had 1 boy and 2 girls and pregnant with her 4th I don't think you would care so much. I mostly would obsess over people who had a girl first b/c that's what I have. Maybe we are always comparing. It's a ridiculous feeling but we can't help the way we feel.

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Blue, dream you definately validated on how I feel. I am curious because she also has 3 gilrs and if #4 is a boy. I almost feel what is the trick because I definately know they are not doing pgd. I just know from what my friend said that they do not have that type of money. I mean I could be wrong but I doubt it.

And it is like why do I care? It is my friend's friend. I bet my friend does not even care as much and she has 2 boys.

I have to stop going on my husband's facebook to look people up then mainly get obsessed with future gender babies.

And for me also it is the people who have one of each that hurts.

My friend has 2 boys and I may have to talk with her because I think that she thinks I do not get together with her because she had boy #2. But it is not that at all. It would of hurt me so bad if she had a girl. I have not seen her because we never seem to arrange it etc.

So many people tell me to contact them on facebook and why am I not on facebook? They think I am strange. But for me facebook is just too showy offy. And then I find myself getting upset over things such as gender and other thigs that so many do to show off. It is best for me to talk to people by e-mail. That works for me.

And I would feel so peaceful and relieved if #4 was a girl for her. Is that nuts? It would make me feel just so much better.

It is a chance when you try naturally sometimes an opposite comes and sometimes you can go up to 8 kids all the same gender.

I think we are obsessed with future gender babies because we are not happy with our family make-up. I don't know how you feel about girls but I never pictured myself with girls and now I am going to have 2. I actually wouldn't have minded one but I really wanted more sons. If I had boys or a boy, I wouldn't have cared what other people had. I am also so jealous of people with PP or mixed gender families because they have the best of both worlds. What more could you ask for? But, even though I am not happy with my family make-up, I love my DD1 and know I will love DD2. However I will still long for a son though.

I deactivated my FB account because I am not a showy person. I feel a lot of people on there are starving for attention. I am a very private person and don't want people knowing about my business especially about my family. It's a little creepy to me.

As for trying naturally for #3, I am too afraid. I know I will have another girl and I'm not in the position to keep having children because of my age. I only want 3 kids. I have been researching about HT. I would love to do that in a year or 2 because I really want to have a son. My only concern is money. I live in NY and all the clinics here are too expensive and don't seem to give cycle packages like Potter. I wish we had someone like him here. I can't see myself spending that kind of money especially if the 1st cycle doesn't work. I don't want to have $100k worth of debt if I have to go through multiple cycles. I see you are from NY also. You know how expensive it is here and traveling for HT is out of the question. I will figure something out though.
Well let's hope that woman you're stalking has a 4th girl. :wink:

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Originally Posted by bluedreams

I think we are obsessed with future gender babies because we are not happy with our family make-up. I don't know how you feel about girls but I never pictured myself with girls and now I am going to have 2. I actually wouldn't have minded one but I really wanted more sons. If I had boys or a boy, I wouldn't have cared what other people had. I am also so jealous of people with PP or mixed gender families because they have the best of both worlds. What more could you ask for? But, even though I am not happy with my family make-up, I love my DD1 and know I will love DD2. However I will still long for a son though.

I deactivated my FB account because I am not a showy person. I feel a lot of people on there are starving for attention. I am a very private person and don't want people knowing about my business especially about my family. It's a little creepy to me.

As for trying naturally for #3, I am too afraid. I know I will have another girl and I'm not in the position to keep having children because of my age. I only want 3 kids. I have been researching about HT. I would love to do that in a year or 2 because I really want to have a son. My only concern is money. I live in NY and all the clinics here are too expensive and don't seem to give cycle packages like Potter. I wish we had someone like him here. I can't see myself spending that kind of money especially if the 1st cycle doesn't work. I don't want to have $100k worth of debt if I have to go through multiple cycles. I see you are from NY also. You know how expensive it is here and traveling for HT is out of the question. I will figure something out though.
Well let's hope that woman you're stalking has a 4th girl. :wink:

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LOL. You are funny.

I feel the same way about facebook. It is showy offy. There is a way to set it so nobody can look you up but then they can always find you from another friend on their list. I have seen people that are not able to be looked up on other accounts. I like to talk to people one on one and with those walls on FB everyone can read them if they are added as a friend.

Also before FB was around I did not obsess like I do now. Not only about gender there I am sure other things I see on FB also.

I was saving money and I wanted to try HT but my age is against me and I just do not want to blow away everything we would have saved and have no money for a rainy day. I have to put the family I have first. I definately have good and bad days.

I do the same exact thing!

Facebook is often what sets me off in a cycle of GD, it's maddening to see people so exicted about having the gender they wanted and just makes you compare your life to theirs. I came off it for a while as it was getting me down, and I think I need to do the same again. I always pray people will get boys, as if they announce 'girl' it depresses me for days afterwards!!

It has been a while since summer I think and I checked that account again and there was a comment on the husband's page somebody saying after they have posted a picture of the 3 girls that soon you will have your stud right in the middle.

Not sure if somebody just said that and she does not know the gender yet or if she is probably having a boy.

I have been doing so much better. I do not know why this person is hitting me so hard being it is my friend's frined. I only ate lunch one time with them out.

Last my friend had a function I did not go because of some reasons and mainly because it popped in my head that that friend would be there pregnant and it would crush me if I found out she was having a boy after 3 girls.

I am so fine if it is just casual every day people. But with this girl if I reconnect with my friend this girl will be at all parties, functions etc.

She I am sure got pg naturally so she took the chance. It worked out I think. I am not sure for sure. Like I said maybe it could have been somebody just saying the thing about the stud to be cute. I am not sure.

With my original friend I have not spoken to her that often. She responded months later to me so for me to ask her would seem strange and weird if her friend is having a boy.

Some days I think I am at peace of what I have. Then when stuff like this happens in which it does daily or more than daily it gets me.