How did you decide? TTC or not TTC?

HI there everyone,

I have two gorgeous boys (1.5 and 4.5) who I adore but still really want a girl. I got over my gender disappointment quite quickly but gender desire just won't go away. DH and I have been talking about TTC a girl for a year - were about to try Shettles (a friend lent me her copy) thankfully I googled the science behind it and this site came up!

Since then we have been a bit at sea - shall we shan't we? Are we being stupid / selfish? Could we cope with three children? How would I feel if son number 3 came along? If we don't try will we regret it for the rest of our lives?

We are both getting on a bit now - I'm 37 and DH 38 so I'd like to decide once and for all soon. How did you know that TTC was the right/ wrong thing to do? I know everyone is different but it would really help if you could share your thought process:)

Thank you!

Hi Emily, and what a nice name you have...I'll consider giving it to my girl, if I'll have one!! I'm 35 and have been thinking whether to ttc or not for quite some time now. It's not gonna be easy for us especially because of finances. We're moving home hopefully soon and we have to pay a Big Loan, and I can't stop working because of that. So having another child will add to the problem. Hopefully my mum and mother in law will be willing to help baby sitting while I'll be working and I'll work a bit from home too so that I'll have time to take care of my baby when and if it comes. Basically that was our major concern whether to have baby or not. But my son is 11 now and he still waiting for his brother and sister and although I'm not old, I feel that if I don't try for a baby now, I will never do it and don't want my son to be without siblings especially when he grows up and we're not here anymore, I want him to still have a family. Now I'm swaying pink too and really would love a girl,but will be happy even with a healthy boy. My son will have a brother or sister and that's most important. That's basically my story. I know it won't help you decide, but don't feel selfish about wanting a desired gender, I think deep down, we all have desired a particular gender whether we say it or not. Those who don't admit it in public doesn't mean that they don't feel it. I never tell anybody that I would love to have a girl except here of course!

I think we all have the same feelings as you Emily. Me too, I feel like if I don't try one more time I will regret it and say all these " what ifs". I figure I am going to give it my all this time, diet 100%, supplements, and every other little thing that sways and give the rest to God. I figure if I end up getting another son I know I did try to sway my odds and I did everything in my power and God wanted me to have another son. I do have days where I get really down and feel like I will never get a girl either way, and ask myself if I can handle 3 boys because I feel like I can't. My 2 keep me exhausted all the time and I couldn't imagine having a 3rd boy. When I actually picture future family pictures I picture a little girl with my 2 boys. We are doing our 1st attempt in September, I have been praying to God like crazy asking him to complete my family with a healthy baby girl!

Hi Emily, I also have two beautiful little boys and 6-12 months back I was exactly in your position. I really wanted a third child, and I wanted the third child to be a girl. My husband was very content with our two, and didnt really want to have any more (he would have been the same if we had two girls too, I honestly believe him when he says he doesn't care about gender). But I felt something was missing. I found it really hard to work through in my mind if I was 'missing' a third child, or 'missing' a girl.
For me to decide, in the end I had to remove the 'girl' part from the equation and ask myself, "do I want two sons, or do I want three sons?" I didn't want to bank my decision on getting a girl, because there is no guarantee that would happen. In the end, I decided I wanted a third child, regardless of if it it was another boy.
If I am totally honest, I think the 'what if' it would have played on my mind the rest of my life. I would have always thought that I should have had another child if I had stopped a only two, partly because I thought I would get a girl next time. In reality, I rolled the dice and am having a third son. Is there moments when I am disappointed this baby is not a girl, yes. Do I regret my decision to have a third child, absolutely not. As I type this, our little man is kicking around in my tummy and I love him. Swaying is absolutely great, but it is not a guarantee, so my advice is to definitely make sure you are happy to be pregnant with another son, before deciding to go for a third.
Good luck and best wishes in your decision making

I am in the same boat, 2 boys and desperatley over thinking whether to make the decision to go ahead and ttc no3. I change my mind all the time, but the dilemma never seems to go away! My dh is reluctant to ttc again, but would do it if it made me happy. Every day it plays on my mind, I think I have 3 options- don't ttc and always wonder, ttc and get a boy (which scares the cr$p out of me, as I don't know how I would cope with another bout of GD) or ttc and get a girl, which I think is the only way I would find peace. It's really such a huge gamble and I don't want to make the wrong decision. I'm thinking of going for a middle road and dipping my toe in the water by coming off birth control, temping for a while and seeing if I want to go ahead while using protection, as I try to pinpoint ov for a few months. The thing that is really putting me off swaying just now is Christmas! I'm due to go to the inlaws and can't face the interrogation I'd get about not eating like a pig over the holidays. Sorry, I've been no help, but wanted to let you know you're not alone in feeling confused :S

I've gone through the same decision making process twice. I swayed unsuccessfully IG style in 2008 and the result was my adorable ds3. No regrets there whatsoever - I can't imagine life without him. After that DH announced he was done having kids, so for about a year I moped around thinking I'd lost my chance at ever having a daughter. He suddenly changed his mind about a year and a half ago, with the condition that this would absolutely be our last baby, and I agreed. I'm the same age as you, so I felt like this would be my body's last hurrah anyway. I found this site, spent a couple of months researching, then threw myself into a pretty strict sway. After many months TTC and one m/c, I got my happy ending - a little girl due in about a month.

Obviously, I have no regrets since I got my daughter. Would I have had regrets if I had ended up with ds4? No - I don't think anyone can regret a baby once you're holding it in your arms. I think regret would have been way worse if I had never tried and found myself at age 45 wondering 'what if I'd tried one more time...'. The clincher for me when I was debating having #4 was when my Mom told me about a friend of hers who had two sons (one of whom was my best friend growing up), and always regretted that she didn't try one more time for a girl. I didn't want that to be me - I wanted to feel like I'd at least given it my best shot.

Good luck - it's a tough decision!

Hi Emily,

Know exactly how you feel, I cam across this site when first pregnant with ds2 he was a supprise but I was conviced from the off he would be a boy, as soon as i heard about gnder swaying i knew i couldn't not try it. It's alot harder than i imagined and if i don't concieve this month i may honestly give up! however i know i will have tried at my dream of a girl, i have no idea how we afford three, fit them in the car or the house or how i'll manage them or how i'll feel if it's a boy but knowing there wassoemthing i could do i decided pretty much at about 6 wks pregnant i would try as soon as i could.....it's not logical

When I had GD with my 3rd, the thought of trying to sway for my 4th was the only bright spot I had for a while. Once it came down to actually starting my sway, however, I started to second guess myself. But there was so much forward momentum built up by then, I just decided to go for it. I am 33 weeks along and some days I feel overwhelmed, and wonder what have I gotten myself into.... but overall, I am glad we tried for a 4th baby. I think I would have really regretted it if we hadn't. Our reproductive years are short, and since you are already 37, you don't have much time left (I was the same way--I was 39 when I conceived this one). I guess you have to decide which you would regret more--having a bigger family and possibly a 3rd boy, or not trying at all. Good luck deciding!

hobbermittens well put i finally dedcided once baby number three was here i would never regret but now knowing swaying might help i might regret forever not trying

I have 3 boys and swayed (but not very well in retrospect) with DS3. I was gutted when DS3 was pronounced to be a boy on the scan and even though I thought I would get over it when he was born, I didn't. It took me a long time to stop resenting him for not being a girl, even though I have always loved him dearly.

I always said I would have 3 kids but then I always thought at least one would be a girl. After #3 DH and I said no more. I even had an IUCD put in thinking if I couldn't fall pregnant, I wouldn't obsess so much but the desire never went away
DH agreed to do IVF with PGd as long as I organized it all (which I did) but I didn't fall pregnant.
I was not on contraception for a year, hoping for an "accident" which didn't happen and then DH agreed to try for another baby. 7 months later I am still waiting for my BFP and I hate being on diet and all the nonsense that goes with TTC but I can't stop because if I did, I am petrified I would definately get a boy.

I am still very unsure about number 4 because I struggle to deal with the 3 I have, but I can't help but think that if I don't try, there is no chance of ever getting a girl and I don't know if I will ever stop obsessing.
Of course if #4 turns out to be DS4 I don't know if I will be willing to stop then either.