So we have our 20 week ultrasound scheduled for Valentine's Day, which is less than 8 days away now. And I'm totally dreading it after this last Friday night. You see I've been working really hard on finding ways to make it special and to be excited about it to take away the GD factor if it is a girl. I was feeling pretty good and excited all last week, like I really couldn't wait. I have a plan where we would do the envelope thing and go somewhere private and special to find out. Then this Friday my DH had the night off work so we finally had a chance to talk about stuff. I confided in him that I'm not excited at all about this pregnancy, and I don't even know why I decided to do it. He told me he'll be excited for both of us, since he's even more excited about this pregnancy than any of the others. Which really surprised me because he never talks about it or seems interested when I talk about baby names or stuff we need to buy or anything. He said he has been ever since the ultrasound at 13 weeks. Because when he saw the baby he really felt it was finally our boy. Even though I showed him the nub right after and explained how it was flat and that means girl. Since then I've had about 90% girl guesses on the nub shot I have. I immediately felt crushed when he said that he was excited because he thinks it's a boy. I said "yeah, but I'm pretty sure it's a girl." And he said "yeah, but you've thought all the others were boys and they were all girls, so that means this is probably a boy" I asked if he would still be excited about this baby if it does turn out to be a girl, he admitted he wouldn't be as excited anymore then. So now I don't even want to find out like ever, or actually I want to find out without him and not tell him. Because I know I need the next 20 weeks to get used to the idea of either a boy or a girl. But I want my DH to be excited finally about one of my pregnancies. And now I feel really bad knowing I'm not going to be the only one really let down if it is a girl. Just the look on his face when we found out DD4 was a girl, it really crushed me. Now this is going to be so much worse! To make everything even worse than that, people we know have started commenting about me being pregnant and asking if we know yet if we are having a boy finally. I really want to hide now for forever unless it is a boy. I've been thinking, when people ask after we find out, that we should just tell them "It's going to be a surprise," even if we do know. Because technically that wouldn't be lying, since it is going to be a surprise for everyone else besides us. And it would save me from all the rude comments or looks. But that means only my DH and I can know, we can't even tell our girls because they will blab. I won't be able to decorate a nursery or get out anything gender specific. I don't know what to do. I'm so confused about everything, and I only really have a week to figure all of this out.
FYI- I don't know how many of you are on Momma Central too, but I posted this on there as well.
