Struggling a bit today

I found out the other day that a friend of mine has had a baby girl, which has set me off again into a spiral of depression about GD. This is the 13th girl to be born in our circle of friends in the last two years, (only 4 boys have been born in comparison) and I am having some terrible feelings of anger, sadness and bitterness. I don't know why I am still feeling this way about 2 years later after finding out I was having DS2. I thought time would heal and I would be feeling much better by now. I don't understand even why I am feeling this way- all I can think is 'why has everyone else got their girls???' I feel cheated and as if I have lost something, although I have only gained- two beautiful healthy happy little boys. I just feel like my life is being ruined by jealousy and bitterness, and I don't want to be that person. I feel like I'm being backed into a corner and my emotions are forcing me to try again for a DD, but I am terrified as to how I will cope if it's another boy and I have lost my daughter forever. Does anyone have any tips for getting over this and getting on with my life? I could just cry and cry over the way I am feeling and I feel so stupid for it.

I'm sorry you are down right now. Do you do anything outside of your boys that is just for you? Any hobbies/groups, anything with adults that doesn't involve kids?

I think when your children are little and you are constantly surrounded by the mommy group, it is hard to not think about kids, babies, etc. If you can find something that is interesting outside of the home that makes you a more well-rounded person, your boys and DH will be better off for it and so shall you.

I am not sure what to say about the DD part. If HT isn't an option then trying again is the only way to get her. That will take courage and an understanding that it may not play out like you hope.

In the mean time, all I can offer is to try not to miss too much. Try not to be so distracted that you don't participate in your boys' lives. Try not to be too down in front of DH because there is nothing he can do to make it better other than try to be understanding. Try not to miss out on the things you can be doing because you are missing something that isn't here yet. I say that because one day if your DD does appear, you might look back with regret, not for feeling the way you do because it isn't stupid and your feelings are legit but regret for missing out on you life right now.

Do you have a plan for TTC?

Thank you nuthinbutpink, some very good advice there. I am going to try and get out to some non baby related groups this week, which might help take my mind off babies. I had a big heart to heart with DH last night, but I am sure he is sick of hearing about it. He's very worried as to how I will cope if it's DS#3, and tbh, so am I. I am going to put things off till Christmas and maybe start trying in the new year, which will give me time to decide if this is what I really want. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place really. If I don't try, will I have these feelings forever (hitting the floor every time someone else gets their daughter) and wonder what if? If I do try and fail, what if I have a complete breakdown as my dream will be over for good. I don't know what to do for the best and fear I'm going to make the wrong decision. If only I had a crystal ball....