Am I an awful person??

Ok so my siggy explains my story! I have 2 adorable boys and then last time after praying for a girl (it's mainly boys on both me and ds's side) I got pregnant with a girl, I felt like we had won the lottery and then we lost her at 20 weeks. Reasons still unknown. Well this time I'm at high risk and I don't know what gender this baby is yet. But my cousin just found out she's having a girl and announced it tonight and I should be happy for her but I'm just so irritated instead!! I don't honestly mesh well with her anyway so maybe that's part of it. But she made such a huge deal out of revealing the gender that it made it 10x worse. I feel like there's no way id be lucky enough to get a girl twice in a row. And this is the most horrible part , in the shower I was crying and thought I don't even want this baby if it's a boy, I just want my girl back. See awful person :(

I didn't mean to post this in two forums, sorry!! My phone was being screwy!!

No Honey, not awful person. Just still mouring the loss of your last pregnancy. Plus add to that the mix of pregnancy hormones and your desire for a girl, it is just making it hard for you to feel the wonder of this new life. Don't worry, it will pass. It's always super hard when others get what we want, especially when we have just lost it. What you are going through is quite normal.

I hope you are pleasantly surprised at your gender scan but even if you do have another boy on board, you will eventually bond with him too. Sometimes it doesn't happen until after he is born but it will happen at some point. (((hugs)))

Thanks. I am hoping it passes. It's hard bc dh wouldn't understand it , not to this extent, and my close friends and my best friend all have one of each gender so I don't feel like they can relate at all.

only natural to feel like that, try and not let it get to you. I hope you get your girl.

Not an awful person one bit.
I truly hope you get a girl Hun

No you are not an awful person, you are a human person, who has experienced a terrible loss and is reacting in a very normal, human way. Grieving for your baby girl is completely natural. I know you just want her back and the heartache must be dreadful. I really hope that this little baby is your much desired little girl and if it is not, I wish peace and healing for your heart.

Thanks everyone. I really didn't want to be obsessed with gender this time after what happened last time but once I hit the 12 week mark it started again :/. I think partially bc i realized I really don't want 4 kids.. And no offense to anyone that does or has more , one of my best friends has 5 beautiful children, but it's just not for me..

You're not awful, I felt the same way when my two close friends found out a week a part they were having girls. Felt happy and frustrated at the same time.

You're not awful! :hugs:
I thought I hated my sister a few years back because she was having a girl and I was having ds2. I can't imagine how much more it would've hurt if I lost a DD at the same time! I adore my niece, she's probably my fav kid out my nieces/nephews. You're a strong lady - I really hope you get your girl! Sending you my pink dust lovely xx