Rough few days

I've had a rough few days. While DH agreed to try for #4, the baby has been sick this week. I left work early Tuesday to get him because he had a fever, stayed home with him Wednesday because he still had a fever. DH took him to daycare Thursday but I got called to pick him up again because the fever came back. DH stayed home with him today since he wasn't allowed back at daycare since he left with a fever yesterday. So all this started to irritate DH that he had to miss ONE day of work for a sick kiddo....and of course having another will mean this sort of thing can happen more often, yada yada. So he has been really moping around and acting all moody saying he doesn't really want another but is only doing it because I want one. That he doesn't really have a choice because I'd be upset if we didn't try. That he has so much to do with the boys and that he can't handle more.

Mind you he gets the boys ready in the morning so that I can go in work early and get out early for them for afterschool so we don't have to pay afterschool care. Also note that with my last job I worked late and got the boys ready in the AM and he had to do PM and he complained about that. So he complained when he had PM duty and I had AM, now is complaining that he has AM and I have PM. How can one be harder than the other, then the reverse when we switch responsibilities?

So tonight we blew. It was about to all come to an end, no more trying, which would mean I wouldn't even get a chance to try for my DG. I lost it, felt like my heart was torn from my chest. I just don't think I could stand it if we couldn't even try.

He later came around and said he'd do it, just because I wanted to, but he isn't really in it with his heart. I know he will love him or her once they are here, but it is so very hard.

We had the same issues, exactly!! And DH always went back and forth, in the end we stopped trying and I was already pregnant! We love our gift baby, today is a full on day with four boys but I think it would be full on with three boys and a girl too. If he has moments when he says yes I say go for it you are right he will love your baby because its yours ;-) I know not much help but I just thought to say you are not alone

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by My Three Sons

He later came around and said he'd do it, just because I wanted to, but he isn't really in it with his heart. I know he will love him or her once they are here, but it is so very hard.

---

I'm sure it is hard--really hard. And I don't want to be one of those people who says "count your blessings," because we with GD hear that all too often. But I want to send a thousand blessings to your DH because he is man enough to look into your heart and try to give you your deepest desire, even if he fears the strain. Mine is not, and he has it a lot, lot easier than yours. Your DH is a prince among men, really he is.

I hope your sick kiddo is better soon. Kiss all your beautiful boys, and know there are sad girl moms out here who would die to be where you are, and will probably never get to experience the joy of a son.

Sorry if this message comes across in any way as uncaring or holier-than-thou. It isn't. I've just had an awful few days too, with DH basically saying that my dream is totally beside the point and it's never going to happen. Not trying to hijack your thread, either...just wanted to bring out the bright side a little? Please ignore if unhelpful.

Oh those men, eh!? My OH does exactly the same - we've just had about 2 months of nothing but sickness. The boys have really been through the woods and so have we. During our wonderful stint with the norovirus I was up all night (although I was sick too) running from bed to bed, changing sheets, fetching waters, cleaning clothes, you know - all the good stuff, and despite of this (OH was in bed apparently 'dying') my OH was the one complaining about being tired and how we couldn't how another because it's already way too heard, to which I countered "Why does that matter to you? I'm the one on nursing duty!"

I'm the one who gets up at night too and both our children are horrible sleepers. My DS1 sleepwalks and has a lot of nightmares (wonderful thing he gets from me) and my DS2, well we don't actually know, but recently it's been because of a persistent cough. Yet HE is the one who complains.

He also complains about how early they wake up, despite it being me who gets up with them and he complains that he takes them to nursery at 8.30 am, despite it being me who get up (at 5.30 - 6 am), get them ready and feed them every morning.

I'm making him sound like a complete lazy bum, lol, but I do think men can be slightly more dramatic at time. I tend to grin and bear it when it comes to the kids and he tends to go all drama-drama-rant-rave! It's like I keep telling him; I got my methods of keeping calm (I sing!... At the moment it's "And a partridge in a pear treeee" because that's the only sentence I know from the song.. I really should learn all the lyrics!).

But hey, just let him get over all the sickness and nuisance of it all. My OH is the same - he doesn't really WANT another, but he knows how much it means to me, so for my sake he is OK with it. He was the same with DS2. Didn't really want another, but always knew I didn't want an only child, so he went along with it and is happy with our choice (when they don't wake up, get sick or hurt him!)

Yep, I'm gonna let him vent or mope or whatever he chooses on any particular day. I'm not gonna cave and give up though. I know that once they are here, he'll love them. If it so happens to be another boy, I'll love him just as much as my others, but will know at that point there will be no more. Absolutely no more. And I'll deal with it.

In the meantime, I'll just keep on keeping on, TTC the best we can. I stopped some of the things that may have been keeping me from getting my BFP and do what I gotta do.

Come to think of it, I don't think my BIL was too thrilled to have their #3, but he went along with it. I know that him going along with it for me would be better than me going along with stopping trying for him because I would have some issues and regret the rest of my life with that.

Sigh....what's a girl to do?

Sometimes I am jealous of those people that can be content with the kids they have and KNOW they are done and don't even have the slightest inkling of desire for one last child.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by My Three Sons

Sometimes I am jealous of those people that can be content with the kids they have and KNOW they are done and don't even have the slightest inkling of desire for one last child.

---

My midwife said to me the other day that every woman knows when she's done, you get a feeling of completeness although you could handle more if it arose that need goes.... i had this for a while then it went as ds3 grew and i don't feel like i am done - you obviously aren't either. My mom still goes on now that she wanted another (even though she always moans at me that 3 is too much - typical!!!). When you are done, you will know x


Illness is always hard especially if you have a larger family - its like domino's. My lot have been ill lately and that even made me question if i wanted another. Let him get over it, you soon forget although its so hard at the time and he agreed in the first place he's probably just having a wobble x