Originally Posted by
nuthinbutpink
I can still go back there. Dark. Sad. Pissed off. Lots of cying. I think it is what really propelled me into the HT world even BEFORE DD3 would come along.
I remember what I was wearing. My pre-pregnany jeans with a white long sleeve short. Walking the mall with DD#1 shopping for who knows what.
The U/S appointment:
The first had been a girl. Tolerable. Not desirable but tolerable. I cannot rememebr the exact moment when we found out it was going to be DD2 but I do rememebr after the u/s. I remember crying leaving the room. Silently crying. I would call it sobbing. Trying to gather myself before the doctor, whom I had never met came in to meet with us. To listen to HER heartbeat. Talk about HER. All I could do was wipe my eyes. I am sure he was uncomfortable.
I remember going to the car. Sobbing. My DH pissed at me as HE loaded our 2 year old DD1 into the carseat of my car. I don't remember where I was going afterwards..I remember the highway...eventually calling my mom...she knew it was a girl by my tone...sure I had been crying...just total devestation.
I remember it clearly.
At dinner tonight with my parents and brothers and sister, we were talking about baby names and how a week after you have the baby, no matter what you name it, you cannot imagine that child with any other name. I cannnot imagine my DD2 without her name. Cannot imagine her not being here. She has made me who I am. She has helped create me. I created her but she made me who I am. Out of complete sadness and darkness came light. It was a long time coming but the light did shine again.
