GD before anatomy scan...

So I know this is premature but I don't know where else to go.

I have two boys and swayed girl for #3. Up until two weeks ago I was feeling somewhat confident that this might actually be my girl, based on silly OWT's, the ring test, internet psychics, Chinese gender chart, and a nub shot (11w 4d) that was definitely too early to mean anything but still generated all girl guesses. So, basically, nothing scientific :)

Then two weeks ago I had an unplanned ultrasound due to spotting (nothing wrong) at the ER and the radiology tech, who took forever to get all the measurements she needed to get, tried to get a look at the gender but basically said the cord was in the way and she didn't want to tell us one way or the other and we should wait. I said "but you're leaning boy, aren't you?" and she said "well, I had three girls and it's not so bad having all the same gender because you know what you are getting." I took that as a yes, she thinks boy.

DH's response (later) was "she didn't know what she was looking at, did you see how long it took her to get the other measurements." I of course have been obsessing for two weeks over what she COULD have seen and whether or not she could be mistaken (I barely got a look at the screen, but didn't see the turtle shot I saw with my other two DS's).

With our anatomy scan coming up on Monday, a feeling of general gloom has settled over me and I'm just sure it's another boy. All along I've said I'd be "OK" with another boy because 1. Then I could stop wondering "what if we'd had a third." and 2. I adore my other two sons and 3. I always wanted three kids, no matter what. But when it comes down to it, I was really holding out hope that this would be my daughter, and I let myself look at girl stuff and think girl thoughts and get attached to the idea of maybe not being the only girl in the house.

To top it off, everyone either thinks I'm having a girl or hopes I'm having a girl. My two boys are adorable, but CRAZY and I'm constantly exhausted, frazzled and overwhelmed by them. I keep hearing about how much easier girls are and I feel like people judge me by my crazy boys. I know everyone thinks I am having a third baby to get my girl (I did) but I deny it and just keep saying I'll be happy either way. ALL my friends have at least one daughter and I hate being the only one without one. I know that these are stupid reasons to want a girl but today I just kept thinking that another boy is going to make things so much harder and I should have stopped at two. I KNOW that once the baby is here I will love him, but I just can't get excited about stuff like decorating the nursery or buying new baby clothes for ANOTHER boy.

Finally tonight my husband said something like "you won't be upset if it's a boy, will you?" and I just broke down crying. I don't think he was expecting that because I've put on the same "I don't care if it's a boy or girl" act for him that I do for everyone else (he doesn't even know I/we swayed). He started to give me a hard time about it and I pointed out that he has what he wants (He high fived the tech at DSs' ultrasounds) and how would he feel if we had all girls? I had to convince him to even try for #3 and I don't want him to think I can't handle another boy, but I'm just so tired of putting on this act for everyone and I know that if I find out it's a boy on Monday I'm going to have to act happy and excited for everyone else, I just want to be able to be myself for him but I'm scared that he'll judge me for it.

One last thing (I know this is long) -- I HATE It when people say "but you just want a healthy baby, right?" WHERE is it written that you have a choice between a healthy baby and your DG? Seriously, people, STFU!

Thanks for letting me rant.

So Sorry for your pain. I have 3DS and we are ttc #4 and I am praying for a girl.. Everything you wrote, is exactly how I feel. I have ALWAYS felt I would have a girl but I can't have 10 kids to get her, so this is my last. Your post scares me a bit, because I have felt that I am starting to be ok with having another boy and that I would be fine, truth is, I am not sure I am quite there yet and wonder if it might all come crashing down if we conceive DS #4. Hang in there, nothing is certain yet, and hopefully you see your baby girl on Monday. I wish I could tell you something that would make it all better, but I bawled like a baby for 4 days when I found out DS3 was a boy. I feel that you need to be able to let it all out to someone (other than us on GD) because hiding it can make it worse and more lonely! GL I truly hope you get your girl!!!

Yes, this is exactly where I'm at. I'm pregnant with number four and my ultrasound is in two weeks. My husband wants to find out so as to prepare ourselves (myself) if it's another boy. But 20 weeks is a long time to feel disappointed. I guess I'm gearing myself up for finding out which is why I'm obsessing more often lately. I have to say, I'm sorry that I confided in my Mom about my gd. She has three girls (and two boys) and just doens't get it. She is worried for me, I know. But if it's another boy, I know I'll come around. It may take awhile, but it will happen. My little one is so cute and ornery - a lot of fun to be around right now. It's not that I didn't bond with him right away, but for me, the stress of having three little ones only started to lift a few months ago with everyone potty trained and out of the terrible twos. But now, watching the three of them together is beyond cute. It's satisfying to see them all together, shared interests, fighting, playing, all of it. While I long for a girl, I know that if it's a boy, he will make his way into this family in his own way.

I think this feeling of "dread" is common no matter if you have "something" making you feel like it might be the opposite of your desired gender. That tech might not have had anything resembling a decent shot, no way of telling based on her response. Even if she outright told you boy, she said the cord was in the way.

But I even felt really anxious and somewhat scared for my sonogram to tell me the gender. It made me nervous, jittery, and I had to imagine how I might react to the tech telling me another boy was on the way. And I consider my GD to be pretty minor compared to how some ladies suffer. I am getting away easy. I didn't much mind what this baby was when we got pregnant, our sway was weak, and generally I thought it was a boy for most of the first trimester. But I still went all nuts after my NT scan and felt completey obsessed with gender for several weeks. I think for some women the wait is worse than knowing, even if it is not their desired gender. I have seen several ladies in our Due Date Club who have been rather anxious and dreading the gender ultrasound and then we're upset for a little bit and have really come around to their baby, well before they are here. I hope you hear pink on Monday!