Please help me decide

I have my gender scan tomorrow and I've no idea whether I should find out or not. This is my last baby for medical reasons so I really want to enjoy this pregnancy the best I can. I would desperately like to know but I'm worried how I will react. I don't want to be unhappy for 20 weeks but equally I don't want it all to hit me at the birth when I'm tired and hormonal. I've always been fine before when I found out. DS2 was a failed shettles baby conceived the month after a miscarriage. DS3 was a calcium/mag sway (I'd started taking supps in preparation for a sway in the future) and I was breast feeding and getting next to no sleep and i missed a couple of pills that month. So I kind of feel like given my history I'm not holding out tons of hope that anything I do sways at all! But I feel a massive sense of pressure this time knowing it's the last baby that if I hear blue I might not hold it together like in the past.

It is also DH's birthday this week and I don't want to bring him down or spoil his day, so toying with idea of getting them to write it down and looking closer to the birth but I have no idea what is best to do. Sorry for long rant. I thought I would have decided before now. Please help!!!

Personally i always needed to find out i was always too scared of being dissapointed at birth.....but i think its a v personal decision some people feel like it ruins the rest of pregnancy personally i felt it was my 20 weeks to excite myself about having another girl.

I agree with NearlyDone. It's a personal decision and I also had to find out. With DS1 we found out just cause we wanted to know (didn't have a preference, although we were both hoping for a boy) but this time I wanted to know so I wouldn't be sad at birth. I was sure this was a girl, I would have hated to keep thinking that then be surprised with a boy a birth, I wouldn't have taken it very well. But now - as NearlyDone said I got to prepare and excite myself with having a boy and I truly am excited! There's no way I could have waited till birth, to each their own of course! Hope you hear pink tomorrow though!!! We've had a great streak :) Keep us updated on what you decide to do :)

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way:)

I was planning to be team green this time but I'm having second thoughts.... I know I wouldn't be sad with this baby being boy #4 but I wonder if I will feel let down at the birth if it's a boy I know if it was a girl surprise I would be over the moon and so happy... You got to do what you feel is right for you... Do you think you will be a little sad at the birth if its a boy?

I did not find out with ds1, but I was very much hoping for a girl, and without even realizing it, I had convinced myself he was a girl. I had horrible postpartum depression. I cried for weeks and I didn't really bond with him until he was probably about 3 months old. Now, that wasn't all due to him being a boy, I had an induction, it was a very difficult labor and birth, I tore very badly and ended up fainting afterwards. And then he had trouble latching on, and I felt so guilty beside I gave up trying to breastfeed. But I just had this weird sense that I had come home with someone else's baby, because this was a boy, and I was supposed to have a girl! With both ds2 and ds3, I found out, and it was so much better to know beforehand. I had time to process it and get used to the idea, and like CVD said, even get excited about a new little boy. I just had a little bit of "baby blues," and it got better each time. I have a very hard time adjusting from being pregnant to having a newborn. I love being pregnant, and I kind of go through a period of grieving over not being pregnant anymore (I know it's ridiculous, but that's just me!) so I know I am already an emotional ball of hormones after giving birth, it's not the best time for me to find out the baby's gender.

I had ppd with dd2 (not gender related) i think thats why the thought of not knowing always scared me after that.......when emotions can be unstable anyway id hate to be suddenly having to deal with disappointment+all the normal after birth stuff...........good luck for tomorrow if you do decide to find out xx

thats so true!! there are always at least a few days after birth that im feeling really down.. ive never had ppd but i can imagine the surprise maybe playing into that possibly...

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Originally Posted by Atsaukina1

has anyone not found out and actually been sad at the birth?? i know i hear a lot of people say that here but i can't picture that happening you will see your child and just be sooo in love. good luck either way:)

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I know a couple that have, it didn't last for long (one of the moms on here was the worst but was ok after a couple of days). My friend shed a few tears at birth as she didn't get her girl and i know one mom disappointed not get her boy but the disappointment was only a secondary feeling.

Its not something i ever wanted to risk in my opinion and it can happen when emotions are running high and are all over the place, all i ever wanted to greet my baby with was sheer excitment. good luck whatever you choose x

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Originally Posted by jennaesue

I did not find out with ds1, but I was very much hoping for a girl, and without even realizing it, I had convinced myself he was a girl. I had horrible postpartum depression. I cried for weeks and I didn't really bond with him until he was probably about 3 months old. Now, that wasn't all due to him being a boy, I had an induction, it was a very difficult labor and birth, I tore very badly and ended up fainting afterwards. And then he had trouble latching on, and I felt so guilty beside I gave up trying to breastfeed. But I just had this weird sense that I had come home with someone else's baby, because this was a boy, and I was supposed to have a girl! With both ds2 and ds3, I found out, and it was so much better to know beforehand. I had time to process it and get used to the idea, and like CVD said, even get excited about a new little boy. I just had a little bit of "baby blues," and it got better each time. I have a very hard time adjusting from being pregnant to having a newborn. I love being pregnant, and I kind of go through a period of grieving over not being pregnant anymore (I know it's ridiculous, but that's just me!) so I know I am already an emotional ball of hormones after giving birth, it's not the best time for me to find out the baby's gender.

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That sounds really tough for you. Thanks for sharing your story.