Only 14w but afraid of GD

I'm just going to post to get this all off my chest and out of my head. I'm 14w and am desperate to know the sex of my baby but I'm absolutely terrified I'm going to be dissapointed if I'm told its a boy. I know I'll get over it, even if its not until I hold him in my arms, I know I'll get over it. I'm booked in for an anomaly scan at 19w on jun 12th. I'm am searching high and low at the moment to try and find somewhere to get a scan at 16w just so I know! And if I can get an earlier scan I think I might go in secret because my MIL want to come to the scan to find out gender and I know she will be even more excited if its a boy that if it was a girl. I would love to tell her she can't come but DH wants her to and I've had my mum at the last one so he will chuck a wobbly if I say his mum can't. I've told my mum my fear and she understands, dad just said don't read into it but I know he'll be upset for me if its a boy. I keep telling myself I want one of each which I do but I want a girl. If I have a girl and then a second girl I'd still be happy but if I had 2 boys I honestly don't know how I would get over it. Ive posted nub shots and gotten mixed results and its horrible, but I feel contempt towards people when they say boy (embaressed over that!). I think they only way I'm going to feel better is to have the dang scan!
Ok vent over I think. Thanks for reading if you have :)

i would go in secret tbh if you can keep it to yourself until you have your 19 week scan then invite the mil if you have to since you will already know the gender so you'll be ready
i know how you feel - i am 14w4d with #7 and according to everyone here and in IG this is another boy too making it 7 boys for me.
i really have no advice for you but i can tell you we are all here for the same reason and know exactly how you are feeling

The baby is in your uterus and you are the one most impacted by the gender so I say find an u/s you can go to by yourself.
This whole gender obsessing thing is so tough. Like another poster said a while back, "more than any specific gender, I want to find peace and acceptance."

So as it turns out were having a little boy. I kept saying as much as I hope its a girl Im pretty sure its a boy.
When I think about him I dont cry, Im happy. When I think about me is when I cry. Im upset for what Im going to miss out on and that I didnt get what I wanted. I know that sound childish but hey feelings are feelings.
When I think about my little boy out with his dad on the farm or 4x4 etc Im fine and happy just sad and afraid that Im going to be missing out.
I guess I also feel that no matter how hard I work at something it doesnt go my way. Where as there is another person in my life who could slap someone in the face and the person she hit would still kiss her feet because everyone thinks the world of her. I really have nothing to do with her anymore and yet within an hour of us making it public knowledge were having a boy my DH gets a message from her congratulating us. I can bet'we wouldnt of heard a thing from her is a) we announce at 12 weeks and b) he had been a she.
We will have another baby once this one is around 2 and all I can do is hope that its a girl. I honestly cant say how I will feel if it was another boy because I am only having 2 children.

Hey...
I have to be honest and say I struggle somewhat reading your post as this is your first child, its a little sad that you feel so disappointed with your first little bundle.

But at the same time I am sympathetic to GD having had it myself - I have 3 boys. With my first, I was over the moon with my little man and DESPERATE for number 2 to be a boy as I just realised how bloody amazing little boys are. You are about to find this out! You will be his world - he will have so much love for you. Try to concentrate on him growing in your tummy - not your second child - coz then you're just living for tomorrow.

I know how it feels to long for a girl having had 3 boys now. It may happen for you it may not. Try to find joy in what you have today.

Love x

You are honestly going to be so surprised at how wonderful boys are. I'd say its more likely that dad will be feeling left out because boys LOVE their mums! Honestly when he is born you will get over it

She'll wonder why on earth she was even worrying when she holds her little man <3