would this offend you?

The other night I was having a conversation with a friend where basically I said if it isn't a girl we are planning on doing IVF for a baby girl.. her response? Maybe its not meant to be, maybe your messing with gods fate to have this baby.. I just wanted to break down at that point and I didn't.. but do I have a right to be upset? i'm seeing this "friend" for dinner Tuesday and really dreading it :worry: she also says we are crazy for contemplating four kids and that it isn't affordable even though we are both well established in our medical careers. sorry to vent I didn't know where else to go and dh is tired of me ranting about it :(

Yes, it's offensive but here's the thing, people are going to say crap all the time about everything you do in life. Yesterday I was outside with my kids and this old lady walked by and gave me a lecture about how I shouldn't let my kids play in dirt because they could get worms and a bunch of other similar stuff. But since I didn't ahve any emotional investment in that I was able to just let it roll off my shoulders secure in my knowledge that the most recent studies have shown that dirt is actually good for kids' health (and so may be worms LOL).

I think the reason why the various comments sting so much is because we have so much invested in this, and we have mixed feelings about it ourselves. That's not the commenter's fault (not yours either, it just is what it is) and they don't mean it with any more animus than the old woman walking by worrying about worms. It's just some stupid thought that occurs to them, they have probably never given more than a split second of thought to the matter, and so their opinions are based on a lack of information. It is not that they have carefully analyzed the situation and come to a rational conclusion about the matter, it's just a knee jerk reaction based on a bunch of Hollywood-Oprah bullshit that it's "WRONG" to want to experience a baby of both genders. It's not wrong, it's natural, and all of us feel the exact same way that you do.

And as you well know being in the medical field - people are all well and good with messing with "God's will" when it suits them to - like when their child needs antibiotics or a blood transfusion. It's only when someone else does it that they have a problem. ;)

It probably would have. Because she's your friend and you wanted her to support you. I've come to the realization (at 34) that our expectations of people and what they do/say are rarely in sync. But that's ok. Her opinion is just that. In the end, we have to do what makes us happy.

God and PGD- is choosing gender really going outside of

That would definitely annoy me. However, I am VERY sensitive to people's emotions and feelings that I could never fathom saying something like that to someone - I would probably just say "Oh really, wow I didn't know they could do that... or something like Yah, whatever you need to do to make you feel like your family is complete" EVEN if I didn't agree or believe what I was saying, I think as a human being it's important to support someone and respond in an uplifting way always.. UNLESS they are asking your opinion.. which I didn't see you write that you had asked her what she thought. The other day I was at some playgroup with a bunch of moms including my SIL and she was asking how I was feeling and blah blah, then goes on to say "I would go into a deep dark depression if I were to find out I was pregnant with my 3rd, it's be soo brutal" or something to that affect. Immediately I was insulted and actually got up and left with my kids a few minutes later. I don't need someone making me have negative thoughts about how a 3rd is going to ruin my life or whatever.. I just in general think people are idiots, and should keep their mouths shut unless they have something nice to say. I save all my annoying talk about people and their decisions in life for my hubby LOL! I would never say it to their face.

Do what you need to do girl, and if you have no problem "messing with gods plan" then go for it! It's your decisions, and I'm sure several people will have lots to say about it so I'd probably just pretend I got lucky and my 4th was a girl ;)

MS BLAKELY is RIGHT! Honey, people are morons who take no thought in how their "opinions" are going to make someone feel... As a counselor, I see this on a daily basis obviously, and I help people overcome it too. You know what I say? You can't control how others feel, no matter how hard you try... nor should you want to! All you have control over is how YOU feel... feelings are a choice! Once I truly realized that in my own life it was an incredibly powerful thing for me :)

That was a hurtful thing your "friend" said though... And the sad part is that she probably has NO CLUE how she made you feel :( She was just rambling on and maybe even realized how insensitive she sounded afterwards! Saying I'm sorry is a hard thing to do though....

After my gender scan last night, my own father (who is my world!) actually gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry honey"... I wanted to punch him!!! I'm sorry?!?! How about congrats! He never had any biological sons, so my sons are his closest link to that... shouldn't he be thrilled at having another grandson?? Well, HE IS... he was only saying sorry to me because he knows how badly I wanted a little girl... but I had to stop and think for a second. If it had been anyone else I would have doubted their intentions though, you know? But this is my father, the man who loves me most in the world besides dh... he would never want to hurt me.

So my point is, sometimes people don't think!!!! :hugs: to you :)

Plus, like Atomic said, gender is a hot button issue in today's world... thanks to all the Hollywood/Oprah bullshit (god I love your sense of humor Atomic!!) :)

In most of the world, everyone else is praying for all boys! I had an Indian woman tell me how lucky I was to have 2 handsome boys last night at dinner. My mom said "Yes and she's got another on the way!" And the woman smiled and said "You have good karma to have all sons!" ... I smiled politely through clenched teeth, but afterwards I thought, Well maybe I should take her point of view! haha It's all relative, isn't it? :)

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Originally Posted by Charlee

Plus, like Atomic said, gender is a hot button issue in today's world... thanks to all the Hollywood/Oprah bullshit (god I love your sense of humor Atomic!!) :)

In most of the world, everyone else is praying for all boys! I had an Indian woman tell me how lucky I was to have 2 handsome boys last night at dinner. My mom said "Yes and she's got another on the way!" And the woman smiled and said "You have good karma to have all sons!" ... I smiled politely through clenched teeth, but afterwards I thought, Well maybe I should take her point of view! haha It's all relative, isn't it? :)

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My ultrasound tech for DS2 was an indian man and I was like "Oh, it's a boy..." because it was instant crotch shot and he was like.. "Were you hoping for something else? In my culture everyone is super upset when they come in here and hear girl! Everyone wants boys!" I just thought that was funny but it's very true.. in most other countries boys are very much coveted!!! Aren't we all so lucky ;)

thank you all ladies, i'm still very pissed off and I know I shouldn't be because I shouldn't be getting upset while pregnant.. I may just "cancel" dinner Thursday hehe

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Originally Posted by Charlee

MS BLAKELY is RIGHT! Honey, people are morons who take no thought in how their "opinions" are going to make someone feel... As a counselor, I see this on a daily basis obviously, and I help people overcome it too. You know what I say? You can't control how others feel, no matter how hard you try... nor should you want to! All you have control over is how YOU feel... feelings are a choice! Once I truly realized that in my own life it was an incredibly powerful thing for me :)

That was a hurtful thing your "friend" said though... And the sad part is that she probably has NO CLUE how she made you feel :( She was just rambling on and maybe even realized how insensitive she sounded afterwards! Saying I'm sorry is a hard thing to do though....

After my gender scan last night, my own father (who is my world!) actually gave me a hug and said "I'm sorry honey"... I wanted to punch him!!! I'm sorry?!?! How about congrats! He never had any biological sons, so my sons are his closest link to that... shouldn't he be thrilled at having another grandson?? Well, HE IS... he was only saying sorry to me because he knows how badly I wanted a little girl... but I had to stop and think for a second. If it had been anyone else I would have doubted their intentions though, you know? But this is my father, the man who loves me most in the world besides dh... he would never want to hurt me.

So my point is, sometimes people don't think!!!! :hugs: to you :)

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I don't get it, here is a friend from high school who I know has had it harder in college and has yet to find a stable job in her career, maybe that is why she cannot justify us spending that much, or "messing" with the hands of god.. I'm going to be upset for a little while over this one.. and my dad would have probably said the SAME thing.. that's why he doesn't know yet lol