I feel that having another child would be stupid of me :(

My boys are now 3 and my twins 1 and they are a wonderful bunch. I only ever wanted three kids and knew that would be the right number for me. But I always wanted a daughter and never got one. I never got the chance to see if swaying worked either because we didn't sway for number one and my second pregnancy that I swayed for I miscarried so I gave up on swaying to quickly become pregnant again knowing it would most likely be a boy but I could sway for number three. But #2 became our #3 as well with twins.

I am very busy and used to be the most awesome Mum but now I am only just surviving and certainly not being the best Mum I can be due to being so tired and not getting a break. I find it so hard to get my life organised and am hating myself for it (I seriously think I have adult ADD or something) and I feel like my thoughts of deciding to have one more for the chance of a daughter are absolutely ludicrous and stupid because if I am struggling with 3 then how on earth would I cope with 4!

But GD has been lurking again just when I thought I was over it and I just can't accept that I don't or may never have a daughter. I want to try for another baby in a year or so so much but know I am best not to and it is such a desperate and frustrating feeling. Thinking of one more used to give me hope and make me not feel so down. I feel quite down some days and it triggers these thoughts and I am letting my 3 year old watch way to much T.V so I can 'escape' and he was such a delightful child but is starting to act up and I feel like it is all my fault.

:(
I think the fact that I got twins for number two meant that my 'reaction to the third of the same gender' was quite delayed and now it is hitting me as they are almost no longer babies and starting to act like little boys. I wouldn't change them but I sometimes feel ripped off and think, "they should have been my girls" Why can't I just be happy. I always wanted to experience raising both genders, why can't I just feel blessed that I get to experience raising identical twins instead. And my own Mum is no help which makes me even more desperate to make my own better and healing Mother Daughter relationship

BTW has anyone or anyone know of anyone on this site who has gone through 'double gender disapointment'?
All I wanted was a little girl and I got twin boys which stole my one last try :( :(

I can't relate to the twin predicament, but I did help my mom a lot with my twin brothers and Oh My Goodness, that is so much work. I babysat for some twins last fall for 2 weeks and whew! I was wiped out at the end of each day.

I have heard people say the hardest thing in the world of mommyhood is having a 3 year old and a one year old. You have a 3 year old and TWO 1 year olds, you have loads more work than someone with just a 3yo and 1yo.

You are in a tough spot, if you had another baby any time soon you would be over the edge with exhaustion.

I'd try, I know its hard, to put your hopes & dreams for a DD on the back burner for a few years and then go from there. You have your hands full and I HIGHLY doubt you are anything short of the world's most fantastic mum! With 3 kids under 3...that's is amazing!

Big hugs mama, I feel your pain. I only wanted 3 kids too but here I am hankering for a 4th just to have my shot at a DS.

Is HT an option?

Beyond that, I think you need to take some time for yourself. Being on the other side of GD, I can offer this perspective-

I went from 3 to 4 kids to get my DS. I was thrilled to get him but it didn't and doesn't mean life is awesome everyday, all day. Having young kids is hard, no matter their genders. It just is.

So, give yourself a break, go easy on yourself and I promise that you would feel wiped out if those were twin girls too. Raising little kids is so hard and it is very difficult to do it well.

I laid down with my 2 year old last night and he began a conversation that was totally random about something with power rangers, etc and I sat there thinking this is precious. He is a boy and he is so sweet and difficult at the same time and I thought of all the "boy moms" on this site. It did occur to me as he kissed my face just how much he loves me and I thought about how lucky the "boy moms" on here are to have this literally in their face every night.

Your kids are very young and the 2 for 1 was a shock I am sure. I can't imagine 2 at once. Enjoy them for what they are today. If you can find some time for yourself, do something you enjoy too. Have a life outside of your kids and find something your love to do that is your own. If you still feel like you need a DD, go HT or sway all out and give it your best shot. Let the other guys get a little bit older so it is a little easier next time. 3 and 1 are tough ages no matter the gender. I promise.

You live in NZ don't you which makes HT much harder as you would have to travel?
Have you considered fostering a child? CYF is always looking for decent caregivers and it would give you a chance to find out if 4 kids is do-able or not and if it is, there is an option of "home for life" for a little girl.

As other posters have said you have the option of waiting a couple of years and trying again. Twins are great but twin toddlers would certainly keep you busy. However in 4 years when they go to school the situation maybe very different.

While I haven't had twins, I can understand the concept of double gender disappointment and loosing your chance of a girl with 2 boys at once. You have a right to be disappointed but looking forward you still have options, its just working out one that works for you (or you can afford)

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

Is HT an option?

Beyond that, I think you need to take some time for yourself. Being on the other side of GD, I can offer this perspective-

I went from 3 to 4 kids to get my DS. I was thrilled to get him but it didn't and doesn't mean life is awesome everyday, all day. Having young kids is hard, no matter their genders. It just is.

So, give yourself a break, go easy on yourself and I promise that you would feel wiped out if those were twin girls too. Raising little kids is so hard and it is very difficult to do it well.

I laid down with my 2 year old last night and he began a conversation that was totally random about something with power rangers, etc and I sat there thinking this is precious. He is a boy and he is so sweet and difficult at the same time and I thought of all the "boy moms" on this site. It did occur to me as he kissed my face just how much he loves me and I thought about how lucky the "boy moms" on here are to have this literally in their face every night.

Your kids are very young and the 2 for 1 was a shock I am sure. I can't imagine 2 at once. Enjoy them for what they are today. If you can find some time for yourself, do something you enjoy too. Have a life outside of your kids and find something your love to do that is your own. If you still feel like you need a DD, go HT or sway all out and give it your best shot. Let the other guys get a little bit older so it is a little easier next time. 3 and 1 are tough ages no matter the gender. I promise.

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That's so sweet about your DS. I know it is hard no matter what they are so really wanted them to be girls so I could be 'done' I really want to do it all again and not just for a girl but man life would have been so much easier!

Pretty sure HT will never be an option. We have little money and live ages away from any clinic plus my partner thinks it is un natural and even does not like IVF for people who are infertile and reckons they should just adopt (I do not share this view, If I wanted kids and couldn't have them I still would want to try for my own flesh and blood first)

Also being adopted makes me even more want my daughter to be biologically mine cos I grew up unable to ask my Mum what she went through so I could compare what might happen to me. I know blood doesn;t matter cos I never felt out of place being adopted and wouldn't change a thing, but I love for the first time in my life being able to see family resemblance between my sons and I

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Originally Posted by RKT Mama

You live in NZ don't you which makes HT much harder as you would have to travel?
Have you considered fostering a child? CYF is always looking for decent caregivers and it would give you a chance to find out if 4 kids is do-able or not and if it is, there is an option of "home for life" for a little girl.

As other posters have said you have the option of waiting a couple of years and trying again. Twins are great but twin toddlers would certainly keep you busy. However in 4 years when they go to school the situation maybe very different.

While I haven't had twins, I can understand the concept of double gender disappointment and loosing your chance of a girl with 2 boys at once. You have a right to be disappointed but looking forward you still have options, its just working out one that works for you (or you can afford)

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That's a really nice idea, thanks for the thought. I really do like to help people. Especially children.

Also, does anyone wonder if the universe or their body is trying to tell them that swaying is wrong or wanting a particular gender is wrong? I swayed for my second child and miscarried before 12 weeks (gender unknown). Then I kept swaying when TTC again but gave up after three months thinking I can just want to be pregnant again and I can sway for number three and I got pregnant that month! And then it is twin boys so it stole my last chance. Three events all making me think, was I being taught a lesson or something?

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Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys

Also, does anyone wonder if the universe or their body is trying to tell them that swaying is wrong or wanting a particular gender is wrong? I swayed for my second child and miscarried before 12 weeks (gender unknown). Then I kept swaying when TTC again but gave up after three months thinking I can just want to be pregnant again and I can sway for number three and I got pregnant that month! And then it is twin boys so it stole my last chance. Three events all making me think, was I being taught a lesson or something?

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Personally I believe that it just means that the journey I needed to walk was different from what I thought it would be.
11 years ago I really believed that DS1 was a girl (we were team green until his birth). The name I chose for "her", I have just used for my daughter. But since then I have had 2 more sons and walked a long journey through GD and learned a huge amount about myself.
I certainly wouldn't have appreciated the gift of my daughter as much if I hadn't walked this journey.
DS3 was my major GD baby, if he had been the girl I wanted him to be, my journey would have been different again.
I don't think we are being taught a lesson for wanting a girl, I believe we are being given an opportunity to learn from the random events that come our way