So sad, told definite boy at 12+3 from potty shot

Hi everyone,

Firstly :hugs: to everyone who finds themself here, it's a hard place to be.

I had my 12 week scan yesterday and was told it's definitely another boy. As you can see from my ticker, I have 2 boys already and had a loss earlier this year. All in all I've been swaying girl for a year now, with a short pregnancy in the middle. I have been concentrating so hard on this baby being safe and healthy that I hadn't even started working on how I was going to deal with finding out it was another boy. I wasn't expecting to have to deal with this at 12 weeks.

Here's how it happened, I'd really appreciate opinions on whether this really is definite or not, and advice on how to go about accepting it if it is.

When the sonographer was scanning about, trying to get a good position to take NT measurements, I think I saw a fleeting glimpse of a boy nub (sticking up with a bobbly bit on the end). I asked her if she could get a view of the nub, to which she replied "what's that?". I expected that she wouldn't have heard of it, so I said "the genital nub" and she laughed and said "oh no, it's far too early for that".

She then went on to look at the baby's legs and things, and went underneath the body and at that point she said "well if you're wanting to know you'd have seen pretty easily there" and I said "that means it's a boy doesn't it?" and she said yes and went back to the potty shot where we could clearly see 3 little white bumps, the central one being longer, that looked obviously like miniature meat-and-two-veg.
:sad:

At the time I was just so relieved that he was alive and growing properly and the NT measurements were small that I didn't really register any disappointment. I think also, deep down I have never believed that I'd be one of the lucky ones who would get my dream.

Last night though, I started telling DH that I was a bit upset that she blurted it out like that so confidently, when really, at 12+3 there MUST be a large element of doubt still. We ended up having a massive argument because DH says there was absolutely NO doubt it was a boy. I argued that, given the sonographer didn't know what I was talking about when I said "nub", and then laughed and said it was far too early to tell, she can't have known for certain that what she was telling us was boy bits, wasn't just the nub, which could be a girl nub? DH said she just hadn't heard of the term "nub" but she obviously knows what it is because it's her job. I said loads of people on this forum have sonographers who have no idea about nubs, midwives who have no idea about swaying etc, but he just thinks it's because forums like this are a hive of people who *think* they know stuff but aren't medically qualified so can't possibly know as much as a medic. I argued that medics can't keep up to date with everything, especially when gender swaying/desire has such a taboo around it. It's not a priority for them to know about influencing gender, nor is obsessively looking for gender clues something they are really meant to encourage.

I went to bed feeling really upset and p*ssed off with him for being so brutal about it. I googled images of girl potty shots at 12 weeks and there are some that look boyish, but it seems that when 12 week guesses are wrong it's mostly where someone has been told girl but it's actually a boy. It doesn't seem to be wrong that often when someone is told boy.

Has anyone here been told boy at 12 weeks and gone on to have a girl? Am I stupid to clutch at straws? Should I just start trying to accept it? I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me, I never truly expected a girl, but to say goodbye to my lifelong dream and the planning I've been doing for 18 months seems an impossible task. :tissue: Any help or advice would be gratefully received.

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With DS2 i told at 13 weeks from potty shot ist a Boy :( and i had GD very bad i am sorry....

Personally I wouldn't put any scope in a potty shot at 12 weeks. No decent gender scanning places will do a scan before 15 weeks, the place I went to with ds2 said they really preferred 18 weeks. If it was a really boyish nub I would say accept boy, but even then that could be wrong. My friends sister was told def boy at 12 weeks, at 20 weeks it was a girl. Another lady I know was told 100% girl at 12 weeks and it was a boy at 16.

I would prepare to hear boy. But I'd also be pretty angry at your tech for doing that. I think that gestation is far too early to do anything but guess gender. Men think medical people are infallible! I wouldn't get too upset about DH, mine would be the same.

I don't know if I would 100% believe a gender determination from an US at 12 wks. Like the above poster stated, any private place requests you be at least 15 to 16 wks for a private scan. I am always surprised when techs guess gender at 12 weeks because so much is still developing and forming. With both my dd's my US techs at 12 wks would NEVER give me any clues to gender since it was so early. I would have yourself prepared though for your anatomy US, just in case and if it is a girl you would be pleasantly surprised. Good luck and hope you have a healthy pregnancy.

I personally would just convince myself she was right and that it is a boy - if at 20 weeks you find out it's a girl you'll be in complete shock and totally forget about these weeks of coping. That's how I would feel, but I know it's harder said that done being that there is still some doubt due to it being early! I know Thorz on here was told boy early on and it ended up being a girl, however I definitely found her scan pic just didn't look right to be a boy! I think if you saw a raised bulby nub then I would factor that into things too as I know Thorz was sure she saw a straight forked nub. I definitely still think there is a possibility it could be a girl just due to the gestation, but I'm just saying what 'I' would do in this situation as I find it easier to make myself feel like there's no hope and be surprised, or else have already pretty much come to terms with it! I'm sorry you had to have her just yell it out to you - that's very annoying and totally rude on her part!! And I'm sorry about DH - Mine is exactly the same. He barely wanted to talk to me about swaying because he thought it was a load of junk (even though he full swayed and did the diet with me lol!) I'm rooting for you and hope you get a nice surprise at the end of this :)

I would prepare to hear boy. With my 4th son I saw what looked very clearly like a peeper (but I was much further than you - almost 14 weeks) and then tried to convince myself otherwise for 2 months - it was really worse that way.

As for the rest of it, http://genderdreaming.com/forum/sway...tml#post439844 and http://genderdreaming.com/forum/sway...s-swayers.html If working on this site has taught me anything it's that most medical people "know" what they "know" and have no interest in anything outside of that.

Thanks for your replies. I am definitely going to try my hardest to accept that it is a boy and get to grips as soon as I can, I just can't help looking for glimmers of hope. I think it's the shock of hearing it so early, I really wasn't prepared for that. Plus I feel like I've gone from constant fear of loss to GD without any break in between, so I feel cheated out of my blissful ignorance period of knowing everything is ok but still having that excitement of "is it a girl?". :sad:
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Hey Emmy x

I can very much relate to your situation. My third pg was a mc at 12 weeks, the I fell pg again after a couple of months and found out at 16 weeks it was ds3. I went from total fear of losing my baby to GD and it wasn't a nice feeling at all. So sending you some hugs x

It might still be a girl... but just to reassure you, if it is a little boy, you will adore him. GD isn't easy but it will disappear when he's born. My ds3 is utterly amazing, we have a very very special bond and his brothers adore him. Your sadness will turn to happiness.

Hugs x

All babies develop at different rates. So I think it would be hard to say how accurate a potty shot could be at 12 weeks. I had a scan done of my first at 13+1 and the tech froze the screen when we asked about gender and said "I can't say it, I can only verify it at this age." Which I thought was interesting. Now, he was clearly a boy at that age. And when we said "Its a boy" she just nodded and said "Seems to be." We had a perfect shot of the three little balls, center one longer. So I do believe that some babies are more obvious at a younger age than others.

I am shocked the tech was okay saying it that early. With that much confidence. I don't think it's an 100% thing. But I do believe it's smart to start letting go of that dream now. If you get surprised down the line, great! But I would think it's probably a boy and it's smart to work on adapting now. I am so sorry she took you so off guard. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you both for your lovely replies. I am feeling quite down today, I don't think I can even fool myself into thinking there's a chance, cos I'm fairly sure I saw a boy nub and in the picture, his forehead is flat, no girly curve to it at all. :sad:

I just don't know how to let go, where do you start? This is it for us, we cannot afford more than three kids, so there will never be any more chances. I just don't know what to do. I've been living on the possibility of a girl for so long, I'm not sure how to forget it and get on with my boyish life.

I know when I see this baby all the sadness will disappear, but it's a few months or years down the line, when he's raising hell with his brothers that it starts to hit again, that's how it happened with ds2. Worst of all, my sister, who has a dd already, is due with her second 2 days before our 20wk scan. I just know she'll get another girl, right when my dreams are being confirmed dead. :tissue:

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