New here and hate myself for these feelings
Hello everyone and gday!
It is so good to finally post here after months of reading. I am no stranger to gender disappointment unfortunately. Nearly 7 years ago i gave birth to my first son and felt a little sad as i wanted a girl .I loved him even though i was a bit scared to raise a boy and didn't know what to expect. Being one of three girls myself and no father around i was unsure about having a son. He's a beautiful kid and I'm so glad to have him. However I still longed for a girl and swayed when my son was 9 months old. We fell pregnant and i was a wreck leading up to 20 week scan, especially after doing an internet blood test that told us we were having a boy. We found out that we were having a girl and i was soo happy, and felt so undeserving and guilty at the same time.
We had our daughter and she's wonderful, although as a baby she developed severe food allergies so i spent her first 2 years so worried about her health and safety. It just showed me that getting our dream gender things won't always be what we dreamed or envisioned for our kids- things are out of our control sometimes. She has never been doted on or loved anymore than her brother, if anything i felt so guilty for wanting a girl so much that i lavished my son with love and attention and wondered why I felt the way i did . We always wanted 3 kids so there was no preference for number 3 or any swaying involved. We didn't find out the sex and our son was born last year and i didn't feel disappointed at all. Although i had a niece around the same time i did feel a tiny bit jealous when i saw her but the logical part of my brain would cancel out the negative thoughts as i knew i had a daughter already and to not be so selfish.
I really didn't feel done with 3 even though i knew hubby was definitely finished. But the longing for one more was so powerful that i couldn't ignore it and he gave me his blessing to have one more. Gender didn't even enter my head as we started trying and got pregnant first try. So here i am currently 16 was pregnant and feel absolutely rotten and surprised that i want another dd. Why did these awful feelings of gender desire creep up on me when i love my son's so much and didn't care what we had when we started trying? I'm so confused and down for feeling the way i do. I don't think i got to enjoy my daughter much as a baby because she was sick and I was constantly worried about her. My little guy is 15 months and quite active and a handful which makes me scared even though a girl toddler is probably just as active too.
Hubby wants a surprise again and I'm so unsure if it would be a better for me mentally to find out at birth rather than at 20 week scan. I'm am so terribly sorry at how selfish i am and know i will most likely be slammed for wanting another girl after having one already- and that's ok because i deserve it and it might be a good thing for people to tell me how rotten i am. I really am so sorry to all the lovely mum's on here who wish for their dg and have been debating whether to post this or not in fear of upsetting you guys. I really am looking for some tips on how to get over these selfish feelings, God I wish i didn't even care about it at all.... Im already feeling the pressure from friends and family too, "You've got to have a girl this time"or "your daughter will be so upset if she doesn't get a sister" etc.
Again, huge apologies to anyone this offends it is not my intention and i don't really know why i long for another girl, this sucks, i need a good kick up the backside even though I'm feeling very fragile and scared of the replies. Thankyou for reading this novel!
