Struggling with gd...

Hello everyone
I've never posted here before, but thought that I would share where I'm at. I had my first baby, a boy in December 2012. He is the love of my life! Before I found out he was a boy I had always wanted a baby girl first due to family reasons - my mother and I are extremely close since she brought me up alone since I was 10, and my 3 older brothers have been very rebellious to say the least...addictions etc which have lasted from teens till present. Anyway, when ds1 was born, DH and I decided we would like our kids close in age and started trying again in the summer. I was very keen for a girl this time so decided to try a 'light sway' by cutting out certain foods (meat, salt,potatoes etc) and we decided to try a couple of techniques such as for one month then abstain the next. Being unsucessful Iin getting pregnant I dropped the tequniques and low and behold got pregnant! I was sure this was a girl, from dreams that I'd had, to accidentally referring to it as 'she/her'... Well as you can guess at my 16 week scan 2 weeks ago I found out that it was infact a he. I cried for a week pretty much, and only DH and my mother know the sex if the baby as I'm too scared to let anyone else see/ know how I feel! I feel robbed of my daughter and I'm so scared that I'll never get that relationship... I know I will learn to get over this and learn to get excited about this pregnancy soon, but it's so hard! In the last week . I have heard of 4 baby girls being born and it sets me off ever time. I just can't help thinking that if I want something so badly then it means that it will never happen, iykwim? Im scared to try for a 3rd now too - I also think on my mum with her 3 boys and freak out! I know it's 50/50 but you have dreams if a family and it's hard when it's opposite to what you expect...
Anyway sorry for my rambling on, just thought I would let it out and you ladies seem like a lovely lot.
Xxx

You aren't alone. First off, it's much easier when you are snuggling a baby & not miserably pregnant. Second, if you don't want lame comments just tell people you aren't finding out gender....lying is perfectly acceptable in this case.
Third....do you want more kids? If so, you have every hope in the world of a girl....if not, I promise time will help your disappointment.
Big hugs mama, we completely understand how you feel.

Ah thank you Adia, I know everyone is in the same boat here and that helps so much! It's amazing - GD must be so much more common in day to day life than we think,but it's just that it's 'taboo' and we all put a smile on it whatever the case!
I would definitely like more kids and so would DH, but I think I would properly sway next time...the Chinese gender chart appears to be correct for me both times so I might even look at that...haha I really sound crazy now don't i?! I think also because I have to have c-sections I know that I can't keep going on having kids until I get that dg... I think they say limit to 3...4 at a 'push' so to speak. I just would love love love to go to an ultrasound one day and come out with that massive smile...! Xxx

I totally know how you feel! I wanted girls for the exact same reasons...I was close with my mom (she passed away) and my brother has given my parents a hard time starting in middle school...he still relies heavily on my father for everything and is very, very immature. My brother was also pretty abusive to me growing up and still has anger issues. I know not all boys are like that but I have a hard time thinking of anything else because this is what I know. I try to remind myself that I can hopefully raise my son to be different but I'm also sometimes worried it will come down to genetics.

Anyway, you're not alone...I hope that you can be at peace with having another boy soon. It's hard when the baby is still abstract and you're pregnant.

Yes exactly, you automatically think that your son will wind up like the males you know in your own life, I guess that's natural... I really hope that dh and I can set a new bench mark and ensure that these boys behave and respect us. I think you're right, when the baby is here it's not quite so worrying, my mum tells me not to 'fortune tell' all the time and I suppose she has a point! I hope everything works out for you too, I'm getting there and even ordered a new crib today which I think is progress in coming to terms with it all...xx