Panicking about Gender

So I just found out that I am pregnant. I am hoping for a BOY. Before I got pregnant, I told myself that either gender would be fine and that I will be happy no matter what. Well, that hasn't turned out to be the case. As soon as I found out that I was pregnant, I have been panicking about gender. I have lost lots of sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night, immediately waking up to the thought of gender and I can't go back to sleep. I think about it all day. I have stopped socializing with my friends. All I do is stay at home and just cry my eyes out. My husband has become very worried and assures me he doesn't care about gender but I know deep down he wants his little boy. Honestly, it's not just for him, it's for me too. I've always wanted a boy. When I was pregnant with DD, I was a little disappointed when I found out she was a girl, but I got over it quickly. With this pregnancy, I don't think it would be that easy. I dread hearing from the tech again "it's a girl", I think I would just be numb all over. Because of that, I have decided that I won't be finding out gender at the gender scan. I will let the tech write on a piece of paper what it is and give us pictures to prove gender and let her put it in an envelope and seal it. Whenever I have the guts to open the envelope, I will do so.
I think what makes it worse is that going into this I knew I was getting my boy but after confirmed pregnancy, I just feel it inside my stomach that its a girl. I know I will love the baby no matter what. I've been resenting my husband as of recently, thinking its his fault since its his sperm that decided whether the baby is a boy or girl. I just feel horrible feeling this way.

I felt the same way. I think the envelope thing is a good idea. It's okay to put your feelings out there. I hope you get your boy.

Let your feelings be, its ok to feel the way you're feeling, Ive always wanted girls, but I remember when I found out my 3rd was a girl, she was suppose to be the boy, I was so sad at the 20wk scan, I was trying so hard to hold my tears and pretend I was happy while I was in there, but once I got out my gosh I burst into tears, I cried for hours/days, but that's all gone now in the past & Im absolutely in love with my 3rd girl she's so special!

The envelope thing is a great idea, hope you read Boy!

Huge (((hugs))) and tons of blue dust headed your way.

I have my gender scan and feeling the same as you!! Here is my blue dust and I will take your pink dust

Hope you get your boy x

Aww hun hope u get ur boy... It's so hard being in a situation where u Hav absolutely no control over what happens.. I was the same tho took me nearly a yr to get preg and by the end I was just lik please let me get pregnant and I don't care what it is but as soon as I was preg the obsessing began... Iv my gender scan tomoro so if u don't mind on take ur pink dust and give u my Blue xkx

I think that sudden feeling of finality hits a lot of women when they get their BFP. Like all of the abstract ideas of their DG suddenly aren't abstract and it becomes very real that the baby might not be your DG.

That said, I also knew deep down that my third baby was a third boy as soon as I tested positive. I looked at boy clothes, was feeling a bit panicked about the gender scan and how I would react (I feared bursting into tears...which I totally ended up doing!). I worked hard on accepting my "fate." But the funny thing about gut feelings is that they are very affected by our mental state. Nothing to trust in a swaying and praying mama. (My third boy was, in fact, a girl and I sobbed at the sonogram...so much that the tech thought I WAS disappointed at first).

The envelope idea is awesome :)

THANK YOU TO YOU ALL!!!!
I am so happy that I can share my feelings with you all and not be judged. Reading everyone's responses brung tears to my eyes! You all made me feel like I am not alone! I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words, advice, stories and understanding! I am so happy to have found a site where i can get support. Atomic, funkyfry, angelone, I will very happily take your blue dust, you can have my pink dust!

Hotdogs&boyz, you gave me hope! It makes me feel so much better that your gut feeling wasn't right. I hope the same happens for me. I hope I can open that envelope and read BOY!!!

I am having the same felling. I feel very blessed and excited to be present but I am trying not to get as wrapped up in the hoping it is a girl so bad that I become sad and depressed at the ultrasound. I have been looking through the baby name book and I can not find any boy names that stand out to me. I feel horrible about that but the girl name has come to me and I want to call this dream child that I have that so badly. I am truly trying to stay away from thinking it is a girl, but it is oh so hard.