Feeling sad lately

I am feeling so sorry for myself lately, even though I know it is selfish because I have a lot to be grateful for in life. I's just that my sister is expecting her third baby any day now. She has 2Ds's like me. She hasn't found out what she's having. Of course everyone is hoping she is having a girl. I think she even thinks she might be. I am pretty sure she didn't sway because she was gaining a little weight when she conceived and she said this pregnancy wasn't planned although she is so happy about it.
I am a little stressed and jealous thinking about her having a girl. I actually have mixed emotions over it. On the one hand I will be so happy for her because I know she would love a daughter. On the other hand I feel so overwhelmingly jealous. My sister has always been the prettier one with the hourglass figure and the husband who can't take his hands off her. Whereas I am a pear shape who inherited the small chest and has always been overweight. I have an amazing DH well I shouldn't call him husband because we never got married but we've been together so long we're as good as. I never got the big white wedding (my fault) but my sis did. Well my DH is amazing but has never been the kind of guy to give me compliments or make me feel attractive. Unlike hers. I have always been a little jealous of my sister. Even when we were teenagers she was the one that had the wild partying youth that I wanted but never got because I didn't have any friends to go out with. I moved from a small town to a big city at the age of 15 and had a hard time making new friends in a big high school because I am so shy. I have always wanted a close relationship with my sister especially since I don't have many girlfriends but she tends to dismiss me. She only ever calls if she wants something. She also seems closer to my mum than me. They have more in common because they work in the same field.
I do love my sister and want her to be happy. I am scarred of how I will feel if she gets a girl. I think it's also that deep down I think this sway won't work for me. Whenever I have talked about trying to have a third child to anyone I always seem to get comments like oh I think you'll have another boy. My mum even said " if your sister has a girl I hope it won't stop you from having a third one even though you'll more than likely get a boy". My aunt said a year ago I can see you having another boy and your sister will either not have another one or if she does it'll be a girl. It's like everyone thinks I'm destined to have sons.
I hope she has a healthy baby either way. I need to stop being so negative and jealous and start getting excited about welcoming a new niece or nephew into the world. I hate myself for feeling this way.
Sorry for the long rant

Good luck to your sister. I bet you'll have fun spoiling your niece if she does have a girl. Good luck with your sway too. It's up to fate whatever happens but how you deal with it is up to you. Think positively and good things will happen :) xx

I do totally understand! They say comparison is the thief of joy and it's true. I have to say I have never felt jealous of my nieces because I never wanted anyone else's baby, I wanted MY daughter who I just felt was out there somewhere!! Good luck!

That's exactly how I felt Atomic. I never wanted someone else's dd. I wanted mine!

:( I am sorry, I know exactly how you feel. My 2nd sister has always had the things I wanted to have but not getting for some reason. She has the rich husband who owns his own business, she has the fancy SUV and the million dollar house and she got a PP. She got pregnant and I called it, there she goes, it's a girl, now she is pregnant again with an oops/surprise baby and she is having a boy. I am also currently pregnant, along with my 3rd sister (who is also having a boy) so I am pretty sure it will be 3 for 3 and I will get a boy too.
I have never had a special relationship or close relationship with my own mother, I have a much more special relationship with my MIL than I do with my own mother! I try not to be jealous, I have so many other things in life I never dreamed of having because of my husband who works hard. But it's really hard!!
I am still not over the fact that my sister has the girl, I am still jealous of that but it makes me feel better that my niece is not as pretty as my boys were. My boys were handsome, her DD not so much. She is cute and all but not wow.

PS. Gosh it sounds like I hate them but I don't, I love my sister and niece, sister #2 and I are actually a lot closer than #3 lol

I'm sorry. I understand--I have some similarities in my dynamic with one of my sisters. On a bad day I feel like that's why my sister had girls and I had boys--because she's prettier and I'm just not delicate or feminine enough. Then I look around and see the huge variety of women with girls and I think, "No, that's ridiculous." People's comments really suck. Just remember that they can't really predict the sex of your next child.

Thank you all for your posts. I was having a really bad day today. Feeling sorry for myself.
I am grateful nobody judged me for being jealous of my sister and I am glad to hear I am not the only one that has these thoughts sometimes. The jealousy isn't there all the time it's just lately I am feeling very emotional. I think it is because this is the year I am going to try swaying after thinking about it for the last 6 years. I am nervous to say the least. When I feel vulnerable like this I think very negative and all these ugly thoughts come to the surface. Deep down I know I am wasting my energy on this negativity. After all, I have so much to be grateful for in this life.
I do love my sister just as you ladies love yours and I want her to be happy.
Thank you all for listening and sharing, I am so grateful I found this site.

It's funny how people's comments can have such an effect on us. If you think about it, those comments mean NOTHING in regards to the gender of your next child. 1200 people could take a vote on your next child's gender and 1199 people could say boy and 1 says girl...and that 1 is the correct guess. It's just your own desires making those comments have meaning.

When I told people we were expecting our third, I had SO many people say "Oh, it will be another boy" or "You are just a boy mom" or "I'm sure it will be a boy, it's just what I see for you." And I just felt it was a boy too. And those comments made me even more sure. The only people who said girl were my mom, who had guessed girl with both of my previous pregnancies, and my dad, who generally refrained from guessing for either of my sons and suddenly piped up that he thought it was a girl.

Sure enough...guess who had a girl? And those people saying "Oh, I can't imagine you having a girl" are eating their words because it doesn't look that weird on me. I'm not girly or delicate. In fact, I'm crass and a pretty large person in all ways (height, loudness, presence in a room). But I still had a girl. And she suits me just fine.

Don't let those comments make you lose faith that this sway CAN and WILL work for you. You have every bit of a chance of having a girl. In fact, more than she does. Since she got pregnant by surprise and didn't have time to plan the tactics that you are to sway toward girl.

I think some envy/jealousy among siblings is normal. It doesn't mean you are mean or unworthy. Heck, my brothers are both incredibly attractive. I am not a dog, but I certainly didn't get the looks they got. I've always been a little envious that they got better genes! Lol. And even though I'm sure I'd have loved a little niece, I would probably feel the same if one of them had gotten pregnant before we had our daughter and had a girl. There is a big difference between envy and jealousy. Jealousy means you want what she has but don't want her to have it. Envy means you want what she has as well (meaning she can have it, but you want it too). Envy is 100% normal and okay. Let yourself have it. Work through it while accepting its normal.

I hope it's easier than you think if she does have a girl. And I really hope your sway works :) Don't be too hard on yourself. Stress isn't good for pinkies ;)

Deb - I know EXACTLY how you feel. My sister had a DD in August - I was so worried about how I would feel about it and I was dreading the birth…(she didn't find out the sex and she asked me to be at the birth!) You can look at my old thread to see how anxious I was! It was really painful at first to see my boys holding her and doting over her but i have got used to that now.

She is almost 6 months old now and I can tell you it hasn't been all easy, but it hasn't been as bad as I expected. I hate to admit but I am really jealous of my sister for having a DD, but it hasn't changed how I feel about wanting a DD. I don't want one any more or any less than before she was born - so I understand what the others mean about wanting MY dd not someone else's.

My mum honestly thought that having a niece would put and end to my GD! That is not the case at all, but it hasn't really changed it negatively either. I really love my niece and want to have a close relationship with her, and I have enjoyed helping my sister on her first steps into motherhood.

So many of us understand. I had a sister who sounds A LOT like your sister. She was the oldest and i was #2. We were always in competition. BUT she had 3 girls and her DH wouldn't let her have any more. I am so lucky to have the chance to sway for a boy and have a DC4.

For me the kicker is my SIL. She is so spoiled and gets exactly what she orders in life. She had BB and ordered a girl, got one. Then she went team green and just had DD2...originally she had ordered BBGG before having kids and got it.

The stinger is she really isn't a kid person, doesn't really enjoy being a mom and neglects her kids quite a bit. She is just having kids to keep up with her friends who have kids and her crazy religion that says you have to have X number of kids to be cool enough.

Life can be so unfair.....