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Sometimes I am overwhelmed with resentment for my husband, I blame him for me not having my girl. I am just so angry and feel like it's all too unfair. I want him to hurt like I do. I see him with his two sons and sometimes I get so envious I can hardly stand myself. It's terrible. Please tell me this will pass.
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I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't think it's fair to blame one's partner. Men may biologically determine gender but most research shows it's the woman's environment that selects which gender is conceived.
There is no blame for either party. Your life is what you make it and the only thing we can control in life is how we respond to things when it doesn't go as planned. We try so hard to create the life we think we should have, should live but the universe has its own plans and how we choose to respond is what matters. That's what life is all about. There's always something to overcome and something to manage.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your husband. As much as you would like to control the outcome of life, neither you not he has the power to do so.
I don't hate my husband but sometimes I envy him for getting to be happily oblivious with his two boys. When do I get to be happily oblivious lol? Nuthinbutpink is right, though. It's not something within anyone's control. I'm sure your husband would prefer you to be happy, as I know mine would. The sex of our kids is just not something we're in real control of about our lives.
Hate is a strong word...truly my husband is wonderful and maybe that is why I feel so guilty about resenting him. We have had many ups and downs since our kids have been born, like all couples who have kids our marriage has been put to the test. I am simply dissatisfied. Completely and utterly empty without that little baby girl in our family. And in this exact moment I know that HT is the only way to fill this void. I try to be kind, I try to feel more appreciation for having these 3 gentle men in my life. I try. Thanks for letting me vent! Aside from my one friend who is a mother to only sons, all the other women in my life have daughters and they don't get this!!!!
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I too decided to take control and use HT to move forward. You will need his support through that.
How you feel is your choice everyday. It's all of our choice. If HT is an option, that's great!
I kind of envy my hubby, I know he wanted a girl too but he wasn't completely devastated and he is able to 'get over it' to look past the bad parts of what we don't have and look at the good parts. (He says things like "at least we don't have to..." "Good thing we don't have a girl or..." )
He is lucky, he has his boys. He gets to watch football matches with them, take them to football practise, show them all the cool things he enjoyed as a child. I know you can do that with a child of any gender, but lots of the things I want to show my boys they are completely uninterested in. He doesn't seem to understand the full extent of my gender desire.
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My husband is much better able to accept all boys too. It is easier for him than me by a lot. I know in his heart he really wants a daughter and I have seen him shed a tear or two over it but he said he won't live life wondering about a daughter if he never has one, he will be able to be happy with all boys. Me...not so much. I will need time to move on from the loss of never having a daughter and there will be many times where I will feel sad and envious. I will have a hole in my heart forever but that won't mean I won't be happy with all my boys of course.
I have never once blamed my Dh seriously for having all boys. I have always felt it was my fault instead!
Just a little perspective from the other side. I do not know the sex of my baby yet but will in a couple days. Right now I think my husband and I have the hope still that it will be a boy since we have a daughter already. He never voices his desire either way I should note. BUT of course I assume every father wants a son right? And I know my father and his father really want a boy. Which put this unknown pressure on me as the carrier of this child. How bizarre is that! And unfair. BUT the fact is I want the boy more than any of the above!!! Like I am obcessed with the though. If you et my daughter you would want another just like her....in every way. Dont get me wrong, she is the most angel ever...but I do long for a boy that is unexplainable. So while you want for yourself a daughter. I want for about five other people in my life....and if it is another girl the letting down other people kills me. That kind of guilt is very hard to live with as well. So while you feel this way...you are living someones elses dream! I cannot imagine not having a girl at all in my lifetime so I get that part of a womans instinct...but I want a boy so bad I think I am making myself sick with worry and anxiety. Why do we do this to ourselves????
I don't blame dh, I've always felt it was me making the boys, or at least (and I know it's irrational and not at all true) me who doesn't deserve a girl. But I didn't know that the woman's condition could influence the gender. And I think dh still doesn't really believe that it does. He is the one who takes the blame with out me placing it on him. Out side our gender scan with ds4 he told me he was scared in case it was another boy. But once we had the scan, I came away wanting to cry, he came away finding positives. I guess it's our personality and how we deal with things. I think I'm probably being unfair saying it's ok for him, he has his boys, because I expect he'd be ok with all girls. I of course want everything, so wouldn't be ok with all girls either (in fact I used to want all boys, talk about being careful what you wish for) the hardest part is that my boys want a sister, and I always want to make them happy and give them what they want and this is something I can not give them. I know my father in law was one of 3 boys and his father one of 6 boys and had wanted a daughter so much. My father in law provided the first granddaughter, but I know he sees more than he lets on and he had hopes for us having a girl. My niece is surrounded by boys too. She had 3 brothers, 3 step brothers, one grown up girl cousin and 5 boy cousins. She's wanted me to have a girl since she was 6 years old and I was expect ds1. I think the pressure from others can sometimes be worse than your own desire, or at least fans the flames, as you feel you are letting people down.
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I often feel something similar to this; I think my husband is better at being a man than I am at being a woman.Quote:
Originally Posted by motherofboys