Horrible day...anybody else with me?!?

Somedays I really think I will never be happy again. Always in the back of my mind is that daughter, the one who doesn't exist. On the bad days, when I am so tired and drained from my two boys, I accept never having another baby, never having my girl because I can barely handle two kids, never mind three. And with that acceptance comes so much grief I am almost numb. Imagine grieving something you never had? I didn't ever think it was I possible. Hoping tomorrow is brighter...if not perhaps Easter chocolate can help? Lol


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Just imagine your life with out those two, look at their smiling little faces, and the sweet little kisses they give. Tomorrow will be better, give your self some time.

I know exactly what you mean. I have 4 boys and there are days when my life is just a complete whirlwind. So much noise and rarely a moment of peace. There are times when everyone seems to be tag teaming me. And on those days, things can get on top of me, and I think "can I really cope with another child?" And I can imagine it. The 4 boys growing up and things getting easier, and me there with no daughter, still silently aching inside but accepting that's just how it is.
But there are moments, like yesterday walking home from the park, I was at the back pushing ds4 in the pram, ds3 was on dh back and ds1 and 2 either side of him. I watched them running round him, him jog along a bit bouncing ds3, all of them laughing. I looked down at ds4 wrapped up tight against the chill of the wind, fast asleep. And my heart swelled. We'd all had a great time at the park and I felt good and right.
I felt in that moment that another child was a blessing and that even if I get another boy, I will be ok.
I know the feeling of grieving. I know the numb feeling. I can't say what is coming down the line, and what is the right choice. I do at times think it would be easier to just move on now rather than try again, but I said 5 kids before we knew we'd have all boys and I've never swayed so I want that last chance. And those moments like I described above, they are worth all those days of chaos.
Give yourself today, be gentle with yourself. I hope that tomorrow is better for you.


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I have three girls and my days are also a whirlwind of noise and no peace! I think the gender differences are exaggerated sometimes - my three are as messy, noisy and attracted to dirt as any boy.

I agree mum to three girls. I am usually the one butting into posts on Facebook groups when people ask "those with both genders, which is hardest" my ds2 was a real shock to the system after my chilled out, good as gold, wouldn't know you had him ds1. If ds2 had been a girl is have sworn girls were harder and the opposite way round I'd have sworn boys were. I do really think it's all a child's personality rather than their gender. But, having said that, at times of deep GD, I often think it would have been so much easier if I had a girl. I know it wouldn't have really, but it's just one of those things that creep into your mind when thinking how things could have been. And we do tend to put all these expectations on children we may never even get. I know a lot of us pink swayers want pretty dresses, ballet class and hair clips. When in reality we could have major tom boys on our hands who would rather play football with their brothers and refuse point blank to wear a dress as soon as they found their voice.
The one thing I know is true is that when things are hard, and I don't know if I could handle another child in the mix, is that had I had a girl at any point it would have made the decision to stop having babies before we hit our planned number a lot easier.



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Thanks motherofboys❤️. I feel the same way you do. If one girl could be thrown in the mix it would make childbearing a little more fun. I always said I wanted 3 kids, but I never imagined how hard being a mom can get. Now I am kind of wanting some freedom again, some me time. If I could have had a girl I could be planning other things now instead of being on this forum feeling alone and desperate.
I see friends of mine who got their boy and girl and they are now selling all their baby stuff and enjoying their kids as they grow. I am envious of that in a way. The thought of having another is overwhelming at times, regardless of the gender. The thought of not having a daughter is even more overwhelming and actually quite unbearable. It's a tough place to be in. Thanks again for replying. I really needed a bit of love today.




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I wish I could see into the future and know 100% if I'd ever get a girl, it would make relaxing now and enjoying my boys so much easier.
I hope whatever the future brings we can all find peace and happiness.


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What a great thread! I am right there with you ladies. Motherofboys, you put into words exactly how I feel! Some days I feel so blessed and happy, and others I feel envious (usually of a boy mom I know IRL who just had a girl) or anxiety about never having a daughter. :(
I'm about 6 weeks PG and already panicking. I swayed but I wonder was it a good enough sway? I just feel like it's not in the cards for me to have a girl and I wish I could get to *that* place where I can be happy without one. Before I started swaying and got PG, I actually had a very good couple of years without much GD (after DS3 was born). Then it kicked in again and I had to make a decision (because I am 36) whether to try once more or not, so we took the plunge.
Anyway, I feel exactly the same!

As they get older, it gets easier. DK how old your boys are but this is a temporary phase and before you know it, you'll suddenly realize that it got easier without you even noticing.

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Originally Posted by Mum to three girls

I have three girls and my days are also a whirlwind of noise and no peace! I think the gender differences are exaggerated sometimes - my three are as messy, noisy and attracted to dirt as any boy.

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My daughter is also very hardcore and one of my boys was super duper mellow so I totally agree it's not a gender thing necessarily.