Too afraid to make the attempt. Anyone else?

So, I am officially chicken $h1t! I'm too scared to actually take the plunge and TTC. I had pretty bad depression with DS, and am too scared of goin through that again. If we did get PG and it were a girl, I would be elated beyond words, but another boy would be somewhat crushing. I'm ready to have a girl, but not another boy. So, whenever I try to come up with a start TTC date, if it gets close, I extend it. It seems like I can always think up some lame excuse. Anyone else do this? If we want to have a girl, eventually I'm going to just have to suck it up and leap, but IM TOO SCARED RIGHT NOW! I hope this anxiety goes away soon, because I really don't want my kids to be too far apart in age, and DS will be 2 soon.
I felt this way before TTC DS as well. I was so scared, and once we TTC the first cycle, right afterwards I thought, "holy $h1t, what did I just do?!?" Then when we got a BFP our 5th cycle, I had a panic attack! I was happy, but terrified. (Normal, I'm sure). When we found out gender, I was crushed, and never really got over it. I mean, I want DS now, but I want a DD now too!
I've gone from wanting no kids, to one kid, to now I want two! I DO NOT want to "Duggar it out"!
Can anyone relate?
To make matters worse, my nasty, super-competitive SIL has a PP and is super smug about it (hateful beeoch!) she will get super pissed off if she suddenly doesn't have the only granddaughter. So, every boy I have will make her more smug!

i can understand how you feel,when we take the plunge i will be so scared,it wouldnt suprise me if i chickened out.when i was pregnant with my youngest i started with anxiety and panic attacks as i have a fear of being sick,so i am petrified it will happen again,i have had 2 boys who i love to bits but had to admit i was def dissapointed when i found out my youngest was a boy,i had to hold back the tears. dont worry about the age between them i have one 12
and one 8,lol.
i do want a girl next and if someone said yes your next one will be a girl i would dtd straight away,lol.x

Holy shizzzz, I feel like I wrote this! We must have the exact same SIL!!! Lbvvs... I keep pushing it back as well! For medical reasons but in all honesty I think I could have made it happen now that I look back. Each day as I do this diet and take the pills I'm like once that move is made there is no taking it back! I feel like what in the world am I getting myself into? I promise I have been debating on making a post like this but I was too worried that you all would think I am nuts. DS2 was so hard on my body, my pelvic bones started to separate so it was painful to walk, morning sickness was awful, I couldn't drink water let alone anything else, I lost weight the smell of food made me vomit, I would have to leave the house when anyone was cooking or eating, so the thought is completely horrible, but lord knows I want a Kylie /or Lilly in my life. So what's a woman to do?

I'm 12 weeks pg with my 4th (probably boy!) and feel the most terrified I've ever felt. Not got to the excited stage yet. Too worried something will go wrong, my loss in February (blighted ovum at 6 weeks) means I've felt pg and awful all year and my joy of pregnancy replaced by worry and anxiety .... Hoping to perk up soon. Although the fear of hearing boy and being crushed is playing on my mind, as it feels wrong to feel that for a very wanted baby of my own. I put ttc on hold for a year .... You can do it!! Eventually xx


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We are kind of in the same boat. My whole life I was dead set on never having kids. I always pictured my life full of traveling the world not being stressed about money and just having an amazing time with Dh. About September I started thinking I might want a baby.. and it has progressed from only wanting one like 20% now I'm up to 90%... But we're so nervous to try!

I think my internal time clock is ticking.. but not for myself but for my Dh because he will be 32 this year. I'm sure that sounds crazy!

We keep looking at kids out and about and mostly think gah.. I really don't want a kid like that! Than you get the rare well behaved girl and our hearts just melt. I'm nervous we will get a boy and be sad . But I know we will love the baby no matter what. It's just so scary thinking about the what its.

Anyways I'm rambling lol good luck to you guys I'm sure what ever path you take will make you're life feel that much more happy and complete.

Feel the same way. I was going to start the diet jan 1 but that got pushed to feb and then March and here we are may1 and I am starting today but I too am terrified!!!

If possible, I would try to get my "head right" before TTC. If you really truly feel you aren't going to be ok if you hear boy and that you'll never recover, and you have the time to spare, I would give it a bit of time and try to do some work on that.

FWIW my second boy is the greatest kid ever!!!

Atomic, absolutely! That's why we haven't tried yet. If I don't feel 1000% okay, we aren't going to TTC. So the start TTC date keeps getting pushed back.

me too. Im afraid another GD. So I will not try till Im really to accept another boy (if turn out fail sway). :-(.

i would love to sway for a girl but i couldnt handle not being 100 % sure i was carrying a girl, from the first time i got pregnant ive longed for a daughter, after my third son the need for a daughter got worse, and now im 5 sons and still got the need,my husband has a daughter by his previous wife which i find hard to swollow, i keep thinking that il just carry on my life with my fab sons and forget it all until i see a baby girl and i need to stop the tears from rolling, i feel so pathetic why cant i be totally happy with my sons theyr all healthy and amazing but i long for my baby daughter and hubby is fully supporting me to get the money for ivf/pgd in jan with genesis, ive gotta try or will forever think what if, i wish you ladies all the luck xxx