Wearing GD on the sleeve

I haven't been hanging out on this board much, but I've realized that my GD experience will always be a part of me, even though I am having my daughter.

Today I was shopping in Target with my two boys, and a man approached me. "Let me guess, another boy?"

I was, of course, happy to smile and say, "Oh, no. This one's a girl." It wasn't until then that I saw that he had three little girls (like stairsteps in age) in his cart. He was tattooed all over, with a sleeveless shirt and torn jeans.

"Oh, you're lucky. Most of us who go for a third when we have two of the same just go on to have another."

I wanted to say that statistically, it's pretty close to 50/50, or to say something about swaying, but I've realized that there was nothing I could have said to make the poor guy feel better. I saw him again in the parking lot loading his girls into his lifted truck full of NRA stickers and other stereotypical "man's man" decor. It occurred to me that he probably put a lot of stock into having a son, and I probably have his dream family.

It will always stick with me, how deep in GD I was, and I hope to always remember how painful it was so that I can be sensitive to people still in the depths of it. It also dawned on me that I would have given a snappy, possibly mean response, if I'd had a boy in my belly. I wish other people would mind their own business about the family make-up of others, but I'm grateful for the perspective, and the empathy for those who wear their GD on their sleeves, like I used to.

I try to make a point to compliment anyone that I see with same gendered kids. I think that it is rare to have someone give you a compliment and I make the effort any chance I get.

Most people speak about what bothers them and it has nothing at all to do with you or your family. They project. As humans, we all seek a like connection and I think that's all he was doing.

I recently came upon a quote and it has stuck with me because of this forum-

"Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life."

I really have the most sympathy for guys with GD because not only do they have it just as bad as we ever did, I think there is a ton of pressure on them to make them feel like bad people and they have no outlet for talking about it. Just for him to have come up and spoken with you surely had to indicate it was really on his mind a lot. Poor guy.

There really isn't anything we can say or not say, it never really seems to be the right thing, does it?? :/

Agreed I have learnt a lot on this forum, but the main thing I carry everyday is a little more kindness & empathy.
A mumma at school, really had her heart set on a girl after 2 boys but she went on to have ds3. I make a point of telling her how handsome &
cool her boys are ( they truly are), but I know she gets a lot of "
Oh wow three boy liners " x

I think I have to learn to not be so judgemental form the other view point. My dream family was always BBG and sometimes I can't quite help but thinking "B*tch!" whenever I see a lady who got that when I was so close and she could just have easily gotten the 3rd boy instead of me. But then I think of ladies on here who get their girl after two boys who wanted her so badly and I feel happy for them. I will never know if that lady went through the termoil that is GD before getting her girl. It is nice when people are open about it. Makes it not so taboo.

There is a new lady at playgroup with a family make up so similar to mine that it stings even more to see her with her crew in tow. She got her boy then BG twins. I mean how perfect is that!? I wanted that so badly so then the brothers would have each other and I would still get my girl but she wouldn't be left out because she would be close to her twin. Just needed a wee rant as I can't get this lady out of my mind this week.

If I get my girl I promise to remember how it was before I got her so I can help others who are going through GD

This is a nice thread. I too feel much more empathy towards other people's gd. Or what I perceive as gd- I'm sure I project a lot. I still gravitate to this board I think bc gd was such a big part of my life for so long, even though I did get my girl. I wonder why this subject is so taboo since it's clearly a universal sentiment. Having gone through gd has made me more empathetic toward others and more appreciative of my family.

Before I had any children I asked a friend of mine that found out they were having a second girl if they were going to try for a boy. I wish more than anything that I could go back to that moment and just tell myself to shut up! I feel like I am hyper-aware of GD now. I think everyone has it lol. If someone has 3 or 4 of one gender I assume they were trying for the other gender.
When someone is pregnant I NEED to know what they are having. I have no clue why. I have my DG... I feel like I need to let it go... but it's like having my DG did not "cure" me of GD. While I no longer long for a boy... I still obsess over gender.

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Originally Posted by ejk741

I feel like I am hyper-aware of GD now. I think everyone has it lol. If someone has 3 or 4 of one gender I assume they were trying for the other gender.
When someone is pregnant I NEED to know what they are having. I have no clue why. I have my DG... I feel like I need to let it go... but it's like having my DG did not "cure" me of GD. While I no longer long for a boy... I still obsess over gender.

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I used to be like that so bad! Not so bad now since deciding to go HT but it is interesting. I got a huge shock when I found out that one of my friends with two boys who was pregnant with twins strongly hoped for two more boys and a boy again if she could have any more. I thought, how could someone hope for 4 of the same! But there are some exceptions. She got her boys two. And the 4 of them are adorable. I couldn't imagine what a girl of hers would be like but she gets the 4 boy comments ALL the time.