If your DH said OK to one more, would it help your GD?

The other night DH noticed I looked sad, and I said I was fine, but finally admitted I was worried we would never have a daughter. (I was triggered by something that day, and I was seriously starting to question the sanity of us ever going through HT.) He admitted that he also had been thinking lately how nice it would be too have a little girl in our family.

I said "but what if our third and final baby was another boy?" and he said "Then, I guess we'd just have another. There were 4 kids in my family."

And suddenly it was like SO much pressure was off. Now I feel like I can try a good sway next time without fearing that this is my final chance in the world. If I have a third boy (which I suspect I probably will), I might even decide my family feels complete anyway. I won't know how I'll feel in a couple years.

Our house as it is now is probably a tad too small for 4 kids, although we could wing it, but the way I see it now the money we'd be spending on (possibly multiple rounds of) HT would be better spent on building an addition, which we were planning to do anyway.

I feel like my GD is 90% cured for now. I no longer look at baby girls and feel that crushing anxiety about what my next baby will be, because it doesn't have to be the last baby ever. There is always hope.

I'm wondering if this is just a temporary comfort, and that if I have a third boy that pressure would be back, or if not being so rigid about the number of kids keeps one with GD saner in the long run?

That's lovely of your DH. Mine is the same. He doesn't care how many kids we have really. He said he'd be willing to go to 6 if that's what I wanted. We originally said 3 or 4 but at 3 I was feeling done until I found out it was boy number 3. It does take the pressure off somewhat. The one thing that puts the pressure back on for me is the number of children I think we can handle (my body physically, mentally, financially). Also I'm just sick of feeling this way and want to be able to move on. I do think it's quite unnatural to pick a number of children before you start a family and feel compelled to stick to it. It's a fairly recent phenomenon - I guess it's come about after the invention of birth control. Prior to that it wouldn't really have been possible.

It sounds like it's taking off some of the pressure and you have a good chance of having a girl in the future.

In my case my husband is happy to have as many kids as I'm willing to have but I'm less clear about wanting more kids than you seem to be so it's something I'm still wrestling. Plus I'm 39 so I feel the pressure of my age and deciding fast.

One of the things that helped my GD when I was pregnant with DS3 was knowing that I would get another chance. I enjoyed my pregnancy with him and was so excited to meet him.

I wish my DH was as laid back about more children like a lot of yours are. My DH said "no more" after ds2 & I fought to try again. Now that I'm not limited so much by c-sections (I had a VBA2C with ds3) I feel able to have a couple more. I just don't want to say "this is definitely my last" without having had a girl already. Best case scenario for me is dd1 next then one last pregnancy with dc5 but DH would never agree out right - I just try the softly, softly catchee monkey approach with him as tears & tantrums REALLY do not work!!! :rotfl:

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I'm lucky too, DH would let me have a dozen if I wanted to, LOL.

The pressure I feel now is time more than anything else. I can count my fertile years left on one hand, and that scares me!!! Plus DH's work has him away from the family for a year from next summer, so it's really putting the pressure on.

Honestly, I would have a dozen if DH gave me the go-ahead. I love being pregnant,I love giving birth, I love raising babies/toddlers. We don't have unlimited funds and I'll admit I am not willing to give up certain luxuries in order to have a dozen kids (like being out of debt and not having to budget shop for groceries, etc). So, in that way, DH putting a "limit" on our number of children is smart. And I can accept it. That said, I never thought I'd be in this place. You see, I already have my DG. I got it last pregnancy. This pregnancy, I don't reallly have a preference...except that I do find myself wanting one more child, regardless of the gender of this baby. But more so if this is another boy. I feel an odd desire, born probably of other people's comments, to give my daughter a sister. But it was never something i thought I would want. So, yeah, I think having the pressure off helps not only that feeling of pressure, but also I know I'd never regret having another child, even if it did mean we had less space and a little less money. So, I'd go for it :)

I've noticed myself lightening up on the GD, perhaps it's partially because we've already talked about a possible #5... And we're not even pregnant with #4 yet! We start trying in the next couple weeks so I'm taking a lighter approach because who knows- perhaps we'll have another. On the other hand this is probably it for me... shortly after we had #3 I was so much more accepting and satisfied and the waves of GD is starting to get more and more spaced out and a lot less strong. I say if it's left as an open ended discussion it could be a win/win. Good luck!

Yes. It did for me. DP could see my sadness when we found out the twins were boys and they were supposed to be our last. He said "we'll just have another one"
It did make me feel sooo much better.