Is this a place I can share freely and not put down?

as an older mom who had one son and was told in 2003 that I may never have more children and good luck sent on my way from the ob/gyn office..to have cried and prayed and poured over and tried everything to boost fertility with pcos...then come to terms in 2009 that my one son would be it and move on...then whammo last yr spontaneously conceived and it was another boy....my sister who has twin girls conceived while on metformin, says oh you can do all the girly stuff with us....as if that makes up for not having your own daughter...(insert eye roll)

All that to be able to launch into all I have read in the ttc a girl "group" is really upsetting to me....

With last years pregnancy being so different from my first with the horrendous "morning" sickness and aversion to meat and all the family saying oh that sounds like your having a girl...then hubs (#2btw) going on and on about he wants it to be a boy so he can have a mini version of himself and buddy in his older years....then ultrasound proved boy ..then hubs since we weren't telling anyone the gender constantly telling people he hopes it is a girl so I will be happy (gee let everyone know when it is revealed it will be a boy that I won't be happy, tyvmn) and yet he and even his mom said they can understand my wanting a daughter so I can have one of each especially since was infertile for so many years and there is no guarantee I can ovulate again...

Yet reading that girls are usually (note I said usually not always) conceived when the mom skips breakfast and or spends several hours in a fasted state and does an hour of cardio daily and doesn't eat much....I know I was intermittent fasting last year, Zumba 2 nights a week plus treadmill on the others, I woke at 3am and took DCI 600mg, would have 3oz of coffee with 1tbs flavored creamer upon arrival at work (which usually just sat on my desk after I had a sip and would just hold the mug until my hands warmed up) so first light meal of the day was usually 8am and was either a sun warrior vegan protein smoothie (80 calories plus 45 calories in unsweetened coconut milk, I could do any dairy but milk and ice cream ouch in my intestines...not currently bothering me though but maybe because I'm lactating and 1tsp flaxoil, which I continued to take until morning sickness set in and all my usual foods no longer tasted good to me, and when I made coconut flour pancakes, I would top them with natural pb, real maple syrup and ground flax this was while pregnant....baby boy is healthy and not feminized FYI) or applesauce and 7 walnuts then later would have another light meal about 11am of whichever I didn't eat at my first. (I was at work 4am to noon, so I could home educate my then 12 yr old in the afternoon). I would only have one "normal" meal a day with my son and husband,no food after 4pm because Zumba or treadmill time was 6pm and then bed by 8or9 and I liked to let my food digest before going to sleep...and the protein powders are not vitamin fortified like the ready to drink shakes are. When an ultrasound confirmed How far along I was in early pg because with pcos I didn't know for sure just by date of last menses would be what the due date should be calculated by and that info let me look back and see that we dtd on the day I spontaneously ovulated, but it was right before Zumba so as soon as DH done, I was up dressed to go workout and cardioing it up for an hour....sounds like jump and dump to me, DH prefers the position that the shettles say is girl friendly and so the only thing that was was ovulating day of dtd...but many places in the ttc a girl board it says to not get hung up on timing because it might not even be what is swaying...

And I'm usually 110lbs...with both pregnancies I think I was 125 in order to ovulate... And now even after ds#2, I weighed 114 this morning...

Yeah still baffled, still hurt, and Proverbs13:12 is the only way I can describe how my heart feels. </3

Thanks for letting me share and not thinking I'm a monster for feeling this way...
Just as hubs wanted his mini me....I would like mine too (actually 3) ....I don't feel like a girl myself anymore...no pink for me, no more dancing...plus this last baby's birth was fast and intense and scary and while DH and I were back at it 11 days after his birth, the healing afterwards hurt and I was told by a nurse that it gets worse with each delivery....and this baby at almost 21 weeks has been a very high needs fussy baby who barely sleeps and has tripled his birthweight and still grazes around the clock....not sure I want to go through that again...which makes me down too...not to mention DH constantly talking about how others tell him girls are harder to raise...yet he says he prays we can have a daughter ....also wanted to mention that my first son was so bonded and attached to me until he was 10 then since his dad decided that the 11 yrs of marriage and he had been cheating off and on throughout that time, well he picked the single life to continue pursuing other women, and once the weekend visits started with his dad, my son started wanting to spend more time with his dad than me (it is like being left twice)...and current DH while he says he loves his mom, he also says she is loud and I notice and point out to him all the time that it is his dad that he has the deep, meaningful conversations with and his dad that he goes to for advice, to talk about life decisions, etc...

This is a place you can share freely and not be judged. Sounds like the issues have piled up and you are fed up, understandably so. gender disappointment tends to be a complication of a lot of things for all of us.

What are you hoping for? Are you planning to sway or come to terms with no more babies? Have you considered IVF, is that an option?

I'm so sorry things haven't worked out as you had hoped. It must be hard to deal with infertility and the disappointments of your last marriage on top of not getting your DG. It does sound like you had a lot of girl-friendly habits. Are you really done having children? It sounds like your husband also still hopes to have a girl in the future.

I'm sorry you are going through all this. GD is so difficult, and luckily on here you can talk about it without being judged. On here we know that we love our children deeply regardless of gender but still have a desire, longing and mourn what we do not have.

It sounds like you have many things going on to make it worse for you, an older son who is leaning towards his dad (he'll come back to you with time!), a sister with twin girls who is in no way sensitive to you and your GD, a husband who doesn't really know how to go about dealing with your GD (like telling everyone you want a girl when he KNOWS it's a boy!).

Good luck deciding to TTC or not. It's not an easy decision to make. If you do decide to get pregnant and it turns out to be a third boy, I suggest making a plan with your DH to minimize the emotional damage caused by other people and their insensitivity. Like telling everyone with a huge smile that it's another boy, that you really don't mind either way. Fake it till you make it. I suggest not keeping the gender a secret. Get is all out of the way during pregnancy so that people won't come with their comments after the birth.

Is there any way you can go HT (IVF/PGD)? It's expensive but at least you can choose the gender. I'm no expert on swaying, but I wish you luck no matter what you do (sway/not TTC/HT).

Well sister with twin 5 yr old girls and had iud of 5 yrs removed past dec....put on thyroid meds and vitamin d had 2 textbook cycles and conceived ....she just let us all know they are growing pinker.