Really trying hard not to let my GD get to me.

I have 4 very precious little boys that I wouldn't trade for the world and I just found out today through the Matern21 test that I will be having boy #5. I am thankful that the result was negative for anything and I feel completely guilty for not being overjoyed of having another boy. We Gender swayed for 2 years and I kept having miscarriages so as of January when my husband got deployment orders we decided to take a break and bam I got pregnant. I am so very grateful for a healthy but very sick pregnancy so far. The hardest part has been the number of people convinced I was having a girl this time. I have never been sick in my pregnancies before so this was totally new to me. I was having girl dreams and everything else.

I know that I will move past this and love this little one as much as I love the other 4 but my heart truly breaks for the loss of being able to see my little girl, in a prom dress, walking down the aisle, and maybe even dancing. It breaks my heart that I will never see my husband teach his daughter how to dance and walk her down the aisle. Again I am thankful for what God has placed in my life, my human selfishness just gets in the way of my gratitude and that is why I feel guilty.

so sorry that you didnt get your baby girl :( you sound like you'll be able to get through this with the support of your family though. Is this your final little guy? I am sure once you meet him it'll be love at first sight, but I totally get where you;re coming from. I wish I could say something to ease the pain but I think you've done the right thing sharing your feelings here where you can be supported xx

Sorry you did not hear pink and hoping that you will feel better when you get to meet him.xxx we are all here for you if you need us. Love and hugs to you mama. Xxxxx

Congratulations on your new baby. I'm sorry you didn't hear girl. I know it's very hard to not have a dream realized. I think you have an amazing attitude and obviously love your boys. I bet you are a wonderful mother to them and they will grow up to be amazing men. I wish I had some words of comfort. Give yourself time to work through your feelings. This board is very empathetic because most of us have experienced disappoinment to some degree. Sending hugs your way

I'm sorry sweetheart. We've all been through GD, and it seems to me that you have a really great attitude. Your boys are so lucky that you are their mommy. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself. Are you done having babies? Or is HT an option for you in your future?

:bighug:

I'm so sorry. I get it. At 36 weeks pregnant with boy #3, almost 35 years of age, in the most uncomfortable pregnancy I could imagine & a husband already googling vasectomies, I'm trying to work out how I can get my girl. I live in Australia so no HT here & traveling OS is just not an option financially. Adoption here is a travesty, taking at least 7 years from EOI (which can't be done until the youngest child is 12 months old). I get it. Big love to you xoxo

Big hugs, I'm going though this right now too. We recently found out #3 is another girl. I tried hard to convince myself that I wasn't sad but after having a long conversation with my husband we both admitted we were a little disappointed... Not because we are having a 3rd daughter, we already love her and are we know she belongs in our family. Just sadness over not having a son. We still want one more child in 2 or so years, and we are going to try a harder sway next time but I'd be lying if I said I'm not thinking about it many many times a day... what if we never have a son? What if we never experience having a little boy in our family? I need my head and heart to answer with so what?! Yes the hardest part is definitely the guilt over feeling this way. I hide it from everyone but it's always on my mind...