How do you get excited about an unwanted gender?

Hello Ladies,
I had my 13 week NT scan a couple of weeks ago and found out that we are having a 2nd boy and not the little girl I had been dreaming of (and trying to sway based on shettles)
I have actually resorted to talking to someone about my feelings because I find myself in completely uncharted waters where my plan did not go to plan and having to adjust or come up with a new plan.
My problem is that I feel so guilty for this baby. He deserves better, he deserves me being excited about him and looking forward to meeting him and getting things ready for him. Right now I cant even bring myself to think of him being there, and when I can think of him being there I cant bring myself to think of him by his name.
I was the unwanted second child, and I have sworn to myself and to the Power that Be that he will not be the unwanted 2nd child, I am determined to do that, I just don't know how. I am hoping my talking to someone will get me to that point.
My question is, for those ladies who have had GD, how do you bring yourself to bond with your baby? How do you get excited about the pregnancy? How do you 'get going' on getting things done for the baby?
I feel that if I have a plan then at least I would know where to start, right now I am just nowhere.
Thanks for the advice in advance ladies, appreciated!

I really sympathise with you. What I found is that I went through really hard feelings like yours until my baby was born. Once I had her in my arms nature, biology, took over - and it is so, so powerful. I'm not being gushy - my pregnancy was extremely hard because of GD and I was honestly and truly overjoyed when I held her. There is no explanation for this which makes sense - other than the fact that nature is much larger than our minds and the plans our minds had.

It is so, so hard to have faith that this will happen for you - I know that. But as someone who honestly could not have felt worse, I really did change completely when I held her. I've just swayed blue - I'm now almost 23 weeks - and I have not found out the gender this time. If it's another girl I will let nature take care of me again. I honestly trust that will happen now.

Do you have to call him by his name yet? Do you have to do anything more than eat, drink, breathe in and out and make it healthily through your pregnancy?

I'm thinking of you with a lot of understanding. And I'm proof there is massive love on the other side of these feelings.

It means so much to me to read your reply tm29, thank you so much, and you are right, I don't have to do much more than just be pregnant and try to take care of myself as best as possible right now. That is something I can focus on and could just be my plan for right now. I look forward to feeling like you did, my baby (and I) deserve nothing less.
Thanks again

Just as tm and yourself have said :) Just take care of yourself and your body will take care of little one. When he is born you will be handed this perfect little warm person and the only place this amazing little person wants to be is next to his mummys heart keeping warm and safe:) Your instinct will kick in, whether in a second or a day but it will, my bets would be in about 5 seconds ;) especially as straight away you will look at him and know he is that special second child who has come to show how special second children are:)

One thing to keep in mind is that a second boy will still be a distinct, unique person and process of discovering his individual personality and talents will still be a new experience. I think during pregnancy when the baby is still something of an abstraction it's easy to think that this will just be a repeat of the experience you had with your first child and that you are just are losing out on the experience of a girl but that's not true; raising your second son will be it's own unique, joyful experience.

I've been through this not once, but 3 times. It's hard, and I didn't really bond that much with my babies when I was pregnant. But as soon as I saw them I fell in love, each time. I've felt guilty during pregnancy, even wanted my baby to die, couldn't stand feeling the kicks, the whole spectrum. Luckily I found a way to deal with GD during the course of the pregnancy, so I was ok at birth. Now that my 3 boys are here, I just think they are the most wonderful people in the world, and couldn't imagine ever feeling badly about them. Don't beat yourself up over this, it's normal and there are so many women on this site that have felt the way you do. GD is our normal.

Give yourself time to grieve the dream of a daughter. Your baby will be loved, I'm sure. I can also vouch for the fact that more than one of the same gender is a blessing, even if it is not the gender of your dreams.

Bug hugs mama, you'll be ok! Be kind to yourself, give yourself time and surround yourself with boy moms and positive people who don't make a big deal about gender.

I wasn't too bad when we found out DS2 was a boy, but it hit me pretty hard for DS3. It helped me get through my prg that dh said we can go HT for a girl instead of being done like we had planned. And honestly I was a bit more disconnected through the pregnancy. We didn't name him until he was here.

But, like the others said, the moment they are born, you won't really care if it's a boy or girl, it's just YOUR baby. And brothers are really really fun, it will be okay!

I was also very disappointed when they told me tht m abt to have my 2nd dd ... but at 30th week she was measuring small . At tht point i just wanted to hv a healthy baby no matter what gender ..and when she was born we all fell in love with her ... She was tiny , soft , small and tender and was all dependent on me ... she was just adorable ... ur baby cant do anything on its own and needs mama the first thing in his life ... this feeling made me love her more ... Now m very happy when i see both of them sharing same interests dolls , frocks , sisterhood it just seems magical ... m telling u in later years u will be very happy to see both same gender siblings .. they will have a great bond m sure ...best of luck ....hugss

I find all of these thoughts very encouraging as I'm down to about a week until the arrival of my third girl. I haven't connected with this pregnancy at all -- in fact, I still feel like it can't possibly be a girl even though I've had two ultrasounds labeled girl and logically I know that it's a female baby. It's not that I'm not very excited about having another baby -- I just can't picture anything but a boy. I just keep hoping that seeing this child in person will bring me around a bit more.

Go shopping!! Lol! No seriously, while you're pregnant you may have a hard time with this. But once you meet this little person, your heart will melt. Trust in your motherly instincts. You will love this child just as much as your first. Take the time now to grieve for your daughter. Who knows what the future will bring anyway.
A little retail therapy can help!