This sucks.

GD sucks. I'm sitting in our bathroom in tears, hearing my boys happily playing together in the background.

Going through this again and again is so tiring (I've had GD with each of my boys, from the moment I found out what I was having) and I feel it gets worse everytime because my chances ever having a daughter are getting lower. I have 3 boys under 7.

"You could always try again!" No, I don't think I want another one unless it's a girl. I can't lie to myself about that. 3 kids is already a lot of work and I don't think I want to go through another pregnancy and everything beyond that + experience yet another GD if it's a boy. Plus I don't feel like being the best mum with all these feelings I have so bringing another boy in the middle of this and me getting even more depressed wouldn't be fair to my kids. Things would just get worse. I'm in my early 30s so I have time but I don't think I have the strength to cope with GD again.

"Maybe save up and try HT?" That would be the "easiest" way at this point, but there is one big BUT. What if we have 4 XY and 0 XX? I personally don't feel comfortable destroying embryos and I'd have to be very lucky to get only 1 or 2 XX because I would be happy to use them both. But what are the odds for that? I have better odds conceiving a girl naturally and not having to make the decision to keep or disrecard (termination is not an option).

I feel left out. Couple of weeks back my friend (with a pigeon pair) threw a princess party for her girl. All of our friends went with their daughters but obviously my sons and I weren't invited. They have parties for their son and their daughter separately and we can only attend to the parties their son has. Because I only have boys. Yet when I throw a party I "have to" invite them all because otherwise the girls would be left out and never come to ours. I felt so annoyed when I saw pics from the princess parties and the real reason wasn't that we weren't invited but the fact that I can't experience taking my daughter to a princess party. This mom obviously enjoyed it and I know I would have too.

Sometimes I feel like I can't even come here anymore because seeing all these girl nubs and "it's a girl" announcements upset me (even though I'm so happy that some of you have got their DG after a struggle similar to mine).

I don't know how to carry on. I'm seeing a therapist to help me cope and to lead a somewhat happy life, but I'm not feeling very hopeful - I just don't know how I will ever be able to live with the knowledge of not ever having a little girl that I have ALWAYS hoped for. Some of this is caused by events happend in my childhood (I know atomic says DG / GD is not usually affected by traumas in our lives etc. but there ARE factors in my life that have caused my GD to be so strong - they don't explain all of it no, but they have something to do with it) and I know the therapist can probably help me with that part but that wont take it all away. The dream is in me and I don't think anything other that having a girl can release me from this awful, horrible feeling and despair.

There is no solution. There is nothing anyone can do for me. That's all.


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I'm sorry you are feeling down. A lot of us have been there. I was in despair after both number two and number 3.

I think as long as your kids are babies, younger like elementary age, if you suffer from GD, you will feel it the most during that time. Here is what I am learning though. As my children age and mature, the gender stuff doesn't hold as much weight with them. The older they get, they will do all kinds of things and be in all kinds of scenarios and there is so much more to talk about than what genders your kids are. Right now, if you hang out with moms that all have little ones, you talk about little kids stuff. Somebody probably asks you what the genders of your kids are everyday! The older you and your kids get, you get to talk about other things! You branch out to other topics. It's not always about your kids and their genders! YOU have to have a life too. YOU have to find something you enjoy doing, friends you enjoy being with and do YOU!

If you can afford HT, go HT. I firmly believe that. It is the only way to a guarantee and it sounds like you do not just want another baby. You want a daughter. I would not risk it at this point. If you decide to stop at three, your boys will grow up, they will become awesome people with awesome interests and you will see plenty of girls around in your lifetime!

I know it is dark right now but I promise it will get easier. There will be some light.

I'm sorry you're at such a low point right now. It's a real catch-22, isn't it, when you want a girl so much that you can't risk having another child at all? I often feel like that. These decisions are wrenching ones but I think nuthinbutpink's post is very true. I think the baby/toddler years are the absolute worst for GD and as your kids get older the weight will lessen.

Bambi i can completely understand where you're coming from. Alot of what your feeling is what i have/am feeling myself.

I talked to my dh about how i felt and he surprisingly was understanding and supportive. He decided he would jump on the swaying bandwagon with me and i even consulted a psychic-medium to give me the either yes or no. (I asked her if i would ever have a dd and she insists no5 will be a girl)

I guess it is harder when they are all young as well. Positivity is the key but id imagine it will take a while to get there. Hang in there xxxx

Mum to 4 Boys awaiting her Princess

I know how you feel and I just want to say I feel the same way. I wish I could go HT but it's not a realistic option for me. I wish I had something more to offer but I 100% understand exactly what you are saying.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I'm sorry you are feeling down. A lot of us have been there. I was in despair after both number two and number 3.

I think as long as your kids are babies, younger like elementary age, if you suffer from GD, you will feel it the most during that time. Here is what I am learning though. As my children age and mature, the gender stuff doesn't hold as much weight with them. The older they get, they will do all kinds of things and be in all kinds of scenarios and there is so much more to talk about than what genders your kids are. Right now, if you hang out with moms that all have little ones, you talk about little kids stuff. Somebody probably asks you what the genders of your kids are everyday! The older you and your kids get, you get to talk about other things! You branch out to other topics. It's not always about your kids and their genders! YOU have to have a life too. YOU have to find something you enjoy doing, friends you enjoy being with and do YOU!

If you can afford HT, go HT. I firmly believe that. It is the only way to a guarantee and it sounds like you do not just want another baby. You want a daughter. I would not risk it at this point. If you decide to stop at three, your boys will grow up, they will become awesome people with awesome interests and you will see plenty of girls around in your lifetime!

I know it is dark right now but I promise it will get easier. There will be some light.

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I just love what you said and if I don't get what I wanted this time I'll definitely read your comment everyday!

My sister has 2 boys, I'm sure she would have loved having a little girl(as my sister is super girly) but she is loving her sons so much that she texted me the little one's pictures every single day! So, you will love your baby and when you meet him you won't care anything anymore [emoji4]


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I'm sorry you are going through this. I had such a hard time when I heard DS3, I just wanted to have a miscarriage then and there. But, fast forward 3 years, and this little boy is just a wonderful addition to our family, so cute and cuddly, very smart and kind. You have so much to look forward to. I was going to go HT, just to have tried it, to get peace (whether it worked or not), but fate had other plans for me (whoopsie baby girl). I would consider HT if I were you, despite having to potentially throw away XY embryos (difficult, I know!).

I just don't understand that boys can't be invited to princess parties, I'm sure they would enjoy them too. I'm sure your friends have no idea how you feel and that you feel left out. Maybe you can let your friend know that you would like to come to the princess party, just because you like to hang out with your friends (not because you long for a daughter, they do not need to know this). She probably has no idea how excluding it is...

big hugs to you mama!

I could've written your post, just about word for word. And I agree 100% with nuthin too - it does get easier and it does get better as they get older. You'll have good gd days and bad gd days. The days are long but the years are short. Hang in there, you don't know what the future will bring. Hugs, mama!

I have 3 boys too. Who i love and cherish dearly.
I feel like im missing out not having a daughter, im pregnant with a surprise and at 13 week scan baby looks sooo much like DS3. Skull looks boyish and i didn't get a nub shot.
We decided to not have any more because i don't want any more boys. My hands and heart are full with the ones i have. I don't need another son. Baby will be loved regardless of course but the thought of possibly never having a daughter haunts me like a bad dream.
By the way for friend sounds like a jerk. I think its unfair that you have to invite their girls so they aren't left out but your boys have to feel rejected?

My 14 week nub shot is all boy. I feel really sad too. It helps a little to read some of these replies though. I really hope it does get easier :(