The old feelings are creeping in.....
No need to reply but I think just by writing this down it may help me.....Im currently 12 weeks with no 3 who I have swayed pink for. I already have to lovely sons and I not going to lie - absolutely desperately want a girl. My last pregnancy 4 years ago was shadowed by gender disappointment although I hid it from everyone, and of course fell totally head over heels with my little man as soon as he was here but then suffered terrible post natal depression and anxiety, not totally due to gender dis but it did add towards it.
Anyway me and OH have had some tough times the last few years and sorted things out and decided to go for no 3 with a pink sway. I initially felt really confident and okay with the fact that I could also have baby boy no 3 and I really thought Id got my head round that but since me 12 week ultrasound my heads been all over the place.
Silly thing is I know I will love him and I know everything will be okay but I still cant seem to snap out of it. Very frustrating. Im having a secret scan just me on my own at 13 weeks for them to give me a 95% guess at the gender and then a gender scan at 16 weeks which only myself and my OH will know about so at least I will soon know either way whether pink or blue, I just hate feeling like this and feel so guilty.
I feel really ungrateful as there are some of my friends going through infertility and here I am pregnant again with no 3 with no problems yet these feelings are still there. Ive got so much to be grateful and happy for, a lovely house, lifestyle, 2 healthy children, great friends and family and yet I feel so bleuuuugh! It really does suck!
Hoping that just getting this off my chest will give me the kick up the backside that I badly need......Just need to focus, take one day at the time & be positive.....
Thanks for listening x