Hello everyone, again!!! I was new to GD Feb of 2014 and have been on and off in the forums for a while but just now getting active again. I apologize in advance for my long intro but I want to get to know you ladies and you to know me. A precursor: Dh and I have been happily married for 3yr as of March 9 and together 5 yrs. All together we have 3 boys and desperately ttc a little girl currently.
I got married at a young age to an abusive man. We have 2 boys together, now 8 and 6. He isolated me from family, moved me 10 hours away from home, and didn't let me make any friends.I finally got up the courage to leave (with the help of a friend). I still struggle everyday to keep his leash off me and not allow him to control my life. I currently have emergency full custody of them, hoping to make it permanent, we will see how our system will work.
Anyway I digress....the friend that helped me and saved me and the boys became my best friend and is now my husband. Him and his ex wife gave me another beautiful boy, now going to turn 9 this month, and all three of us get along GREAT!!! I know that he feels love in both homes and that he truly has two sets of loving parents. So again, DH and I have 3 beautiful boys that mean everything to us.
Now DH didn't want kids and ds1 was an accident. Then I came along with ds2 and ds3. He loves all of them. I knew when we were just starting to see each other that he didn't want anymore children but I wanted 1 more and really wanted it to be a girl. While dating in 2012 and living together I was still struggling to get healthy from years and years of abuse, emotionally but also physically healthy, so in respect to what he wanted and to get myself healthy I was on birth control. After being together 9 months and on the birth control I some how got pregnant. My pcp told me that she didn't know how far I would be able to carry the baby due to the fact she was surprised my boys were alive, both born at 36 weeks and I was unhealthy during those pregnancies, and that I was still so physically unhealthy. My DH, still only bf then, was angry because he didn't want another and we couldn't fit nor afford another. During my first ultrasound my obgyn stated he baby's heartbeat was faint and starting to dwindle. All three, DH, OBG, and my pcp said the baby wasn't going to live much longer and I was getting sicker, so I reluctantly gave in for a medically induced miscarriage. I was devastated because I am a mother that wants her baby and felt it was my fault this baby couldn't live and I thought this may have been my baby girl. I still wonder if I gave up my chance at having my little girl and that I could have saved her? During my devastation DH told me that IF we were to stay together and get married in the future and get through a list of requirements he had he would give in to having another baby. He said it would be our 5 year plan and including getting married there were 7 other things he wanted us to have done before we could in the 5 years. We have completed all of them.
It has been almost 4 years, as of our anniversary, since that plan was promised and every month the baby fever has increased!!! There have been times where he has tried to go back on his promise. But in July this year I got really sick and found out I was miscarrying, not to mention I had been on nexplanon for 2.5 years and shouldn't haven been pregnant anyway so we didn't know about the baby until we were losing her/him. A few weeks later DH decided that it was time to ttc and that I needed to get the implant out. After 5 years of waiting he is finally ready and actually I think he is more excited than I am. I will be excited when I actually become pregnant.
Sorry again about the long intro. We are going to sway and try for a little girl and hope GD can help and that I actually make some friends with you ladies because I am ready to have some friends who are adults and understand me.
