Struggling...

Hello. I have not posted since 2015 when I was pregnant with my third son. I had not yet found out his gender and when I found out he was a boy I did not come back on here until now. He is not almost 9 months old (but born 2 months premature) and is such a good baby. I just still cannot get over my desire for a girl. So, here is my story...

When I was pregnant with my first son my sister and SIL were also pregnant. They both found out they were having girls and I hoped I could join them so we could all have girls and do play dates and all that. Well when I found out it was a boy I was upset, but not too bad because I knew we'd have 2 more kids. A couple of years later I got pregnant again, and just knew it would be a boy. I was right. Again, I was upset but since I kinda expected it it wasn't so bad and I knew I had one more try.
About a year after that my SIL got pregnant again. Her husband is my husband's brother and they are 2 of 3 boys that my MIL had. That side of the family had only had boys for around 40 years until my niece was born so it came as a shock. So anyway, she ended up with a SECOND girl. It was kind of hard on me to see her have another girl but I put on a good face and even threw her gender reveal party for her.

This brings us up to yesterday...my OTHER brother-in-law and his wife got pregnant with their first child in November and they are only going to have 1 child. She always said that she wants and would have a girl and she was so confident in that. Well, yesterday she announced that she is having a girl. It was THAT easy for her to get what she wants. Her "one and done" was exactly what she wanted. I can't help but be engulfed in jealousy. I broke out into tears when I saw her announcement and could not function the rest of the night. I just don't understand how BOTH of my BILs who come from a mostly-male family can get pregnant with girls SO easily and their brother, my husband, can only make boys.

I even swayed with my third boy. All I have wanted my whole life is a daughter. I love my boys and would never give them back but I feel like I have a huge empty space in my life that a daughter would fill. When I see ALL of my friends having girls or have had at least one girl I can't help but feel a little hurt inside and then filled with envy. My husband wants to try again for a girl but I am petrified. What if it is another boy and I can't bear it? I don't want to have resentful feelings. I am going to do all I can to sway even harder if we do go for a girl again.

Is anyone in the same boat as me??

I'm sorry you are struggling. I couldn't just read and run and wanted you to know you're not alone. Both my boys were sway opposites and I recently did an IVF/PGD cycle, which only ended in boys as well. I feel like a girl is totally unattainable for us! I just couldn't even imagine what it would feel like to hear the words "it's a girl!" at an ultrasound or in the delivery room. I'm going to try the HT route again next month. I can't give up on my dream as I know I'd regret it forever. 3 children are the max for us and as bad as it sounds, I'd rather just have my two sweet boys than try again naturally and add a third boy to the mix. I feel awful even typing that. My GD was so terrible with my second DS that there's no way I can ever go through that again. He's not the easiest of children either so it has made my GD very hard to overcome, even long after his birth. Is HT something that's possible for you or something you'd consider? I guess you have to ask yourself if you want another child, regardless of gender, or do you only want a DD?

Sorry you are having a hard time with GD. I would have felt the same way in that situation if my SIL was like that! Its like she is implying that you just really didn't want a girl enough! If only it was that simple to get your desired gender!

I would probably only go for a 4th if it was HT and I was gaurenteed a girl. That is unlikely to happen for me as we can not justify the cost of the international travel and also it would be too stressful to do I think. If it was available locally I would have considered it for #3.

Do you have details of your sway for DS3?

Is HT an option for you at all? GD is so overwhelming and made harder by those around us who appear to have dds effortlessly. I struggled a lot with GD after ds2 and ds3 who was my sway opposite. DH was adamant that he wanted no more too which made it even harder. I swayed too hard with ds3 which backfired. I will never regret him in a million years but a perfect storm 'hit' in Sept and I conceived our first dd. My DH is son number three of four boys and two of his brothers have at least one dd, now he will too. Men always make sperm that is 50/50, it has much more to do with us and our maternal conditions. HT was really never an option for us but if it is for you, I'd urge you to look into it. ((hugs))

Three beautiful boys and my longed-for DD due in June 2016!

I don't have children yet, I'm swaying pink for my first (and feel very lucky to have the privilege of doing so), but I think I would feel the same if I were in your situation and everyone else in your family getting girls is just so unfair. I'm sorry, and I agree that maybe you should pursue HT.

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Originally Posted by purple

Sorry you are having a hard time with GD. I would have felt the same way in that situation if my SIL was like that! Its like she is implying that you just really didn't want a girl enough! If only it was that simple to get your desired gender!

I would probably only go for a 4th if it was HT and I was gaurenteed a girl. That is unlikely to happen for me as we can not justify the cost of the international travel and also it would be too stressful to do I think. If it was available locally I would have considered it for #3.

Do you have details of your sway for DS3?

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I did jump and dump, no O, tried a few days before ovulation, lower calories, shallow entry. That's what I can remember.

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Originally Posted by Dreamofpink

Is HT an option for you at all? GD is so overwhelming and made harder by those around us who appear to have dds effortlessly. I struggled a lot with GD after ds2 and ds3 who was my sway opposite. DH was adamant that he wanted no more too which made it even harder. I swayed too hard with ds3 which backfired. I will never regret him in a million years but a perfect storm 'hit' in Sept and I conceived our first dd. My DH is son number three of four boys and two of his brothers have at least one dd, now he will too. Men always make sperm that is 50/50, it has much more to do with us and our maternal conditions. HT was really never an option for us but if it is for you, I'd urge you to look into it. ((hugs))

Three beautiful boys and my longed-for DD due in June 2016!

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HT is way too expensive for us. :(

Was your diet/lifestyle very boy friendly, as per the tenets of this site, prior to conceiving your boys? Did you reduce fat and protein significantly, go vegetarian, and stop snacking when you swayed for DS3? Did you do an hour minimum daily cardio? How long did you diet?

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Originally Posted by maidentomother

Was your diet/lifestyle very boy friendly, as per the tenets of this site, prior to conceiving your boys? Did you reduce fat and protein significantly, go vegetarian, and stop snacking when you swayed for DS3? Did you do an hour minimum daily cardio? How long did you diet?

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I'm underweight so already have trouble getting in calories. I always ate breakfast (or I feel faint) and coffee. Then I didn't really eat much during the day until I got home. I am a teacher so I would eat something small when I got a chance. I exercised a few days a week but not as much as I guess I should have. Other than that I'm not sure if my specific food intake.

I think you have a very good chance at a girl if you sway again, count cals/do the diet properly, and exercise 60+ minutes every day. It can definitely be done without losing too much weight. I've been able to maintain my weight for over a year of swaying even though I am thin to begin with. Oh and if you can get Clomid/Femara that will help too!