Hi ladies, I've taken a break from the boards for a while after finding out we are having our third little man this summer. It was an unintentional break as I was genuinely ok after our scan at 15+2 and was, in my own words, "embracing the blue" this time! We decided not to tell people straight away. Just because I was ok with having a third boy doesn't mean I was ready for inane comments people can make!
We've slowly told my family (that's just my parents, only sister and her OH) and I've dealt with several less-than-sensitive comments (as they knew how much I wanted a girl) like my sister, who's ttc her first at the momen, saying things like "You better hope I don't win the race for the first grand-daughter" or my mother "get a grip and just be happy with what you have been given" (as if I'm unhappy with what I HAVE, I'm unhappy with how I feel and the notion that I quite possibly will never have it but as she had two girls and never had an inclination for a boy she doesn't understand at all)
We've also told my FIL (who was lovely and said nothing at all) and one of my SILs and her DH (who just said "What do you want girls for anyway, they're just a load of trouble" and proceeded to tell us about their DD who is almost 14 and a complete hellion right now - which was them trying to be helpful but just re-enforced the idea in my mind that no one "gets" it. I AM a girl, I KNOW what girls are like and I STILL want one of my own so nothing anyone says to portray daughters negatively will change my feelings - unfortunately!! I wish their words would!!)
I also chose to tell one other person, my friend who has a PP and has claimed in the past to understand my want for a daughter as she has often said she was disappointed her second child was a boy as she wanted two girls, but since I told her this is another boy she has been really insensitive (maybe I'm being overly sensitive, I'll admit I probably am but she's been so understanding and careful with certain words before this and now I feel like she just doesn't care.
Her DS was recently officially diagnosed ASD and I understand that she's grieving and coming to terms as she was in complete denial before so I haven't said anything about her comments but it still doesn't make them any easier. Things like "Oh I told *insert her DDs name here* you were having another boy and she started to cry. She said its just not fair that *DS1* and *DS2* don't have a sister" (I understand a child said these words but was there a real need to relay them to me?!) and other really silly ones like "My cousin is being induced this morning. She's *finally* having her little girl! We are all so excited but *insert cousin's name here* was so worried her DD will be ugly in her newborn photos cause her son was a really ugly baby!" Like WTH?!?! Worried about her DD being ugly? And "finally" having her girl - after only one boy!! Sorry but I'm on my third and no girls, can I get a bit of tact please!! Its just silly stuff like that and I feel its really driving a wedge between us!
The other thing is comments from people that don't even know I'm having another boy. Like last week I had a wedding of an old friend. DH couldn't go as we had no one to mind the boys so I went stag. I still had a great day but at the meal I was sat with some girls I don't see very often but we always get on very well. They were saying that since I haven't had hyperemesis this time, after having it so bad on my first two, this baby has to be a girl. Fair enough, I was thinking similarly myself a few weeks ago despite trying to lie to myself and say I wasn't. But then one of the girls (who has two daughters and no desire for a boy whatsoever) puts her arms around my shoulders and gives me a squeeze before saying "I'm so happy you'll finally have a girl. I've always felt so sorry for you only having had boys!" Are. You. SERIOUS?! For all she knows I could be having another boy - oh wait, I AM! How am I supposed to tell people now after comments like that.
It's something I struggle with every day but the comments are making it SO much harder than it has to be. I'm perfectly ok, more than ok really, with having another son. In all honesty I am probably more suited to rearing boys. I'm a difficult enough woman without adding another to the mix but the heart wants what the heart wants. The struggle I have is the feeling of "losing" my girl. I genuinely had no doubts in my mind that I was having a girl this time until I posted my 13 week nub shot and got boy guesses. I did my grieving then at 13/14 weeks but there are days when it hits me really hard and I feel so sad - and then I feel guilty for feeling this way and then I think well why can't I be honest with how I'm feeling. DH doesn't get it at all. He thinks I'm being selfish wishing for a girl. I'm not wishing this baby away and I'm grateful for him and hope he is as perfect as his big brothers. He will be so loved and slot right into our lives but I am grieving the life I feel I should have had - with a daughter. If that even makes sense?!
We are going to have to tell people its another boy as now that we've told some people it will slowly get around, as news always does in a small community, and I wanted to own it and be ok with it but stupid comments can make it so much harder than it has to be!
Sorry for the long winded rant post. I feel a bit better having written it down!
