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We get the results of our sway in the next few days.
I'm so nervous. How do I prepare myself for an opposite????? Hope is so detrimental!!! All the odds are stacked against us, I have hope, but I'd equate it to the amount of hope you have when you buy a lottery ticket.
I'm a bundle of nerves and I really just wish THIS DIDNT MATTER TO ME!!!!!! Why can't something that I can really control matter to me??? Like my weight, or cleanliness of my house. GR!!
Hugs! I don't think there is a way to prepare, you've just gotta ride the rollercoaster of emotions with whatever comes. Best of luck!
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I feel this every day. I convinced myself we would wait to TTC until I had such baby fever I wouldn't care what I had. Well over 2 years have passed and all I truly have is baby GIRL fever.
I do sometimes have fleeting feelings that I could honestly have excitement over the reality of another boy. But my strong desire for a daughter is much more prevalent.
However strong my baby girl fever is, I still know that I will grow to love my child wholeheartedly regardless, even if the pangs of loss will always be there if my next and last child is indeed a boy.
I've named my boy. I've visually tried to go through the day I'm told my next child is a boy. I imagine the birthing process, telling people it's a boy, etc... You can try to prepare but nothing will really cushion you for the potential disappointment of the loss of a dream. If in case that was to happen of course...
So to answer your question, I don't think we can truly be prepared, just aware that we are about to take an emotional roller coaster ride and we don't know where it's going to take us!
Such is life. Good luck!
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Either way it goes, be gentle on yourself. Be ready to give yourself whatever space you need to find acceptance (if the news requires that.) This IS a really big deal, a life defining moment, so know that it makes complete sense that it's this important to you. You're on the verge, the moment will come, step through to the other side, start living in knowing.
I don't think I'm pregnant (yet) but I do think about that moment when we'd learn the baby's gender a lot. I think I'd find out right away, like at the ten week blood test. That way I could end my GD wondering as soon as possible while also keeping the situation in perspective since we'd be learning out about the baby's genetic health at the same time.
There are a few good things I'm focusing on to try to prepare my heart. These are things that will be true boy or girl:
- I'm imagining how loving my son will be as a big brother, regardless of what gender his sibling is. He'll finally have a built-in playmate/connection to someone of his own generation in our family.
- I imagine the tenderness of sharing the positive pregnancy test and birth experience with my husband for a second time (especially now that I've done it once before and understand it more.)
- I look forward to the best parts of being pregnant and breastfeeding again, as well as having another chance to sleep by a tiny baby.
- I love that having a second child will mean another younger person I can be close to when I'm old.
- I remind myself that having a second baby will increase the chances that I will have a grandchild someday, and maybe even a granddaughter.
I also think about other times I've been deeply disappointed in life and I got through it and persevered. Time has proven itself a faithful healer even during the worst of my life when my heart hurt so bad I thought I would die. I know I can do this too.
Lately it's helped me to dwell on the potential downsides of having a daughter, like what if she struggles with some of the same gender-related pressures I've struggled with? What if I feel jealous of her? What if she shares some of the button pushing qualities that other female members of my family have? (At moments, these thoughts almost got me asking if it's too late to switch to a boy sway! :wink:)
I try to change my narrative of what it is to be a boy mom. I like to imagine a future were my son(s) might be into philosophy, science, music, and art. I think about Audrey Hepburn with her two sons, and I imagine myself as the perpetual queen of our house, providing the sole feminine force to our family.
My feelings fluctuate quite a bit these days. There are times when I barely feel GD at all, and there are also times when it is consuming. Sometimes I imagine getting that positive pregnancy test and feeling so happy about it that the GD just evaporates and dies and leaves me alone to enjoy the rest of my life. Wouldn't that be cool?!
I think this is generally very wise advice, though probably unhelpful to tell the OP wanting a boy the "bad" stuff about having a girl... especially since I maintain that reframing the good (like you said) is much healthier.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
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Thank you for your thoughtful responses. Complex Emotions- your post is helpful. It's true we swayed blue, but I know that gender disappointment has nothing to do with the actual gender, but it has to do with ones own personal desires. All these posts have been helpful. Especially the part about imagining a time in life when I was previously disappointed.
I have tried to imagine all the downsides to having a boy & all the upsides to having a girl....and there are a lot, for me, on both sides. None of them are super convincing though. Like, a genetic condition inherited by men would be a good reason to not want a boy. My reasons are all revolving around inconveniences like....having to buy all new clothes for a boy.
One thought I had yesterday as I was looking at my second daughter......I love her so much, I KNOW I will love my next baby as much. I slowly become obsessed with my kids and I know girl or boy, it will happen with the 3rd. That's been my best consolation. That in the end it will be okay.
I'm stuck between doing names with my husband, and just waiting. We did the 10 week early genetic testing because I thought finding out earlier would be better for me. 3 months of gender dreaming, instead of 10 months! I do think I'm going to keep the news kind of private for awhile.
The super sad thing is that I think I will have grieving to do no matter what!!!! That's the crux of this situation. The news will just be overwhelming for me.
Fingers crossed for a healthy baby. Then fingers crossed that I can handle the news, whatever it is.
I forgot this Complex Emotions- Add this to your list of benefits of having another boy (which i think is almost #1, for me at least!). Your son will have a brother.
I kind of wanted DD1 to be a boy, but I knew she was a girl. Then, when I was going in to the ultrasound for DD2, I knew I wanted her to be a girl (and I knew she likely was). I cried bc I was so happy to give my girls a sister!!! I still stand by that. I guess I need to hold on to that as well- isn't 2 sisters better than 1??????? We will see.
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry, Femmesss and Throwaway_panther. I'm so used to posting on the girl sway section that it honestly didn't occur to me that the OP is hoping for a boy! The last thing I want to do is to throw any salt in any wounds. My mistake! (Egg on my face!)
It means a lot to remember that some of us are trying for blue :heart:
Best wishes to both of you for having a sweet little guy join your families soon!
Femmesss - I'm curious how you actually find out when you get the ten week blood test. Do they call you with the results or send you a letter? Maybe the doctor shares the news with you at your next appointment?
I guess it's probably different depending on what the results are and which company is doing the test. I've been so curious regarding the details of how the blood test results get delivered.
Complex emotions- no harm!!! :) I wasn't offended or put off. Maybe it's because one of my best friends was a boy mom, hoping for a girl & we swapped feelings often. Gender desire and disappointment is universal! She got lucky and had her girl, no sway.
My office calls, but it just so happens I had an appointment the morning the results came in. We have a healthy baby boy growing. I'm still in shock. She told me they would call me ether way and tell me the results over the phone. She also said she preferred for couples to pick up gender results in person but she will reveal over the phone if so desired. I think it depends on your office. We got our results back so fast! Still in shock over here.
I can say this though...I'm happy, excited, but it is bittersweet. There is something special about being a single gender family. I met a mom yesterday with four girls and I had some pangs of sadness that I won't have the homogeneous little clan she had. There is solidarity in being single gender. We will see how I adjust. I have such a girl mom mentality. I guess I have 6 months to shed it.
Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly & much love to everyone who provides their kind words to me.