Pos OPK and moment of sheer panic

I don't know what I'm doing, let alone what I want. Last night we BD and everything has been great and I've had lots of EWCM the past few days. Then today I woke up with one of those anxiety things again and had O type cramps later on in day so I thought I'd do my last clearblue O test that I had left. Low and behold.....the test was positive with a smiley face....on CD13. But.....tonight after DH went to bed I jumped in with him and got things going but I couldn't go through With it. I started to get that intense anxiety back again so got busy doing some household jobs to help distract me and forget about it. I don't know if I want this or not...it's driving me nuts. I just keep thinking if I got pregnant again it would end te same way as last year and it terrifies me. :(

(HUGS) :bighug:

Hi 1moregirl,

I remember having a couple cycles like that. It was immediately after my miscarriage. I wanted to get pg again so badly, but then when "the time came" I would have a panic attack. Once I was in the middle of DTD and jumped up to go to the bathroom! Started up again later....and did it again! poor DH!

Later when AF would show I would be angry at myself for wasting a perfectly good month.

I think its a bit of post traumatic stress you are going thru. I was able to work through it but if you are struggling perhaps seeing a counsellor would help?

The only thing that worked for me was just constantly, again and again, turning it over to a higher power. I don't mean religion necessarily, just that I told myself that if it was going to be, it would happen and would all work out, and if it wasn't, all the stress and worry in the world on my part wouldn't change it. That being said I still expected my whole first 1/2 of pregnancy to see blood every time I went to the bathroom, at every appointment I was sure they'd not find the heartbeat, and I woke up in a panic at least once a night, nearly every night until very recently sure she had died in her sleep so it is an ongoing struggle.

I sometimes wish we knew less about what the chances really are for us over 40. Because it can and DOES work out for people and all the horror stories (and our own horror stories, of course) play with our heads so much.

Thanks MrsG and Atomic. Great advice there. What would I do without yuo wonderful ladies? Anyway, I've decided we will do a BD tonight, just in case, as my OPK today was a definite negative and my BBT dipped this morning and have still had a bit of EWCM today. So will do that and see what happens. Unusual of me to O on CD15.....it has been CD 18 for a long time now. Maybe an earlier O is a good sign? And EWCM has correlated to all my other signs really well this cycle. If only we'd stuck to the SMEP. Oh well....I also rescheduled Hysterescopy too. I moved it til Feb of next year. I just couldn't deal with it sooo soon and just before Christmas with the costs. Plus FF hasn't marked any crossroadson my chart as yet, so will give it one more attempt tonight and see what happens. Fingers crossed.

So we got another BD in last night and I was fine about it. I am certain that this extreme anxiety occurs sometimes just before I O, so has to be down to hormones. Doctors just don't seem to know enough about all of this. Anyway, I am posting a pic of my chart. It seems we did one BD the night before my first Pos OPK, and on the night after my second Pos OPK. Do yuo think I stand a chance at a BFP? I hope so. I think I Oed yesterday or last night, although I would've like to have seen my BBt a bit higher this morning if that was the case. We will BD again tonight just in case. What are your thoughts ladies?

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I'd say as long as you are bd when you have ewcm, you stand a good chance of conceiving.

:bigsmile: