Another no-go to add to the ever growing list!
So....I know from chart and how I'm feeling today that AF is on her imminent and ugly way. My BBT rose to 37.04 at maybe 10DPO and I was secretly excited. Yet for the last 3 days it has started dropping and today I am feel cranky, down and crying at te drop of a hat, so I know AF is almost with me. And, as usual, at this point in my cycle I was feel angry at myself for getting anxious during my fertile window and skipping a few vital days of BD becasue I was too scared. This stage of our lives is soooo difficult when yuo feel the way we do (which is not completely done with having babies) and yet yuo are surrounded with other ladies who are pregnant. I am finding this soooo difficult. One of my best friends is 36 and Pregnant with her 4th and she has been my closest confidante in my ttc journey and yet she admitted to me she was happy and content with the 3 children she already has and wasn't even trying for a 4th. And when she finds out she is already 14 weeks safely along. I also have another really good friend who is due any time. Yet I know I am just being ridiculous and that I should be grateful for the three beautiful and healthy children I have been blessed with and believe me, most of the time I am and am very positive and content. It's just that, every now and then, I get that yearning for one last little baby to love and cherish, and the thought of that not happening again really does give me grief. I did start later on....had my first baby at 36 and my third at nearly 41. And I do consider myself lucky because I could've quit easily completely missed the boat and not met my DH (I actually got off my butt and met him on an online dating website) and not experienced the total and utter joy of having my three beautifulbabies. I really just have to remain focused and positive and constantly remind myself how lucky I am. I'm sorry for rambling, just that I often have no one to talk to about these feelings so it helps to write it out here and have yuo like-minded ladies read it and advice me. I really have to be proactive and be positive about what I want because I have really started to believe that this 'one last baby' thing is not going to happen for me, and that sort of mindblock could be playing a great role in why it actually is not happening for me. As of today, I am going to start taking 200 of the ubiquinol, being more active and eating more healthy, and go ahead with the Hysterescopy in early Feb. If it doesn't happen for me between now and next year I will stop trying and accept it, and will book myself into have the horrible varicose veins in my legs fixed before Summer. Plus change my goals, to becoming a working Mum and saving for our family to be able to have some lovely holidays. I also next year plan to start writing that book I've always wanted to write and to buy a red poodle puppy. So, at least I can think of the future as not completely bleak if I don't get that one last baby. What will be will be and I just have to Go with it. Thanks for taking the time to listen to my self-sympathetic babble and offering yuor much-welcome advice. Xxxooo
Another no-go to add to the ever growing list!
1moregirl, sorry to hear about Bindi. I know how deep you can love a dear family member like a dog. We have a 2 year old Jack Russel terrier that is the darling of the family and sleep on shift in the bed of my 3 sons. She is with us everywhere we go.
I also want to say that I can very well relate to everything you write about being in the limbo land of being done and not being done with kids. I am also an older mom and have been very conflicted about TTC or not. I actually made a deal with DH that we would stop TTC when I turn 42 in January. Well here I am 8 weeks pg and still feel very mixed. One day I look forward to have a baby, the next I am scared if I can handle it and anxious about the future.
I think you should put and expiry date on TTC so you know when to move forward and then give it a really good go with SMEP until then and see what happens. I think one of the things life want to learn us is acceptance and letting go. I pray that you will get a baby on board in the near future. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Remember you are not alone.
DS1 (9) ❤️ DS2 (8) [emoji173] DS3 (5) ❤️ DW (41) [emoji1326] DH (38) [emoji144] TTC'ing pink from May 2016
