I am never having another baby, and i just still can not accept it...

I have 2 girls, 7 and 3 years old. Now they are getting old enough to enjoy each other s company. It warms my heart to see that they love each other. I come from a family of three girls, and I know how how big a gift sisters are, but i come from an asian family, and not having a boy is still considered as a failure. My husband had a big wish for a boy both times, he was disappointed, I could see that. But now he seems content, and love them sooo much.
We started talking about another baby a year ago, i was convinced that he would say yes if I wished for it. I ordered that blue sway plan, and bought every possible vitamin needed for the sway. but he said no. I promised that I would not pressure him into it, and that i would never bring it up again if we would give it one last thought. He told me that he did not want more kids, I know that he is "afraid" of having another girl, and that would feel like big failure to have a third daughter. If he knew it would be a boy, he would certainly go for it. This was 2-3 months ago, and i convinced myself that I was OK with it. But now, I feel the longing for another child in my heart. I just can not let it go. My sister is expecting her third child, a few friends are also expecting their third. And I feel that I cant be happy for them, I feel like a horrible person. I envy them:( I have a couple of friends that had a boy after two girls and vise versa, and when I look at the pictures of their children, I feel.....I dont know what it is, envy, sadness, sorrow, longing? I can not be happy for any one, i just keep thinking why not me, why could I not have everything I wanted, they did!
I love my children, but every time i see someone pregnant, baby clothes, anything, I feel the sorrow. I believe in one god, and that what is chosen for me is the best for me, or may be I dont? May be I am not as firm in my belief that I like to think?
I just want to get rid of this feeling, I want to be content, I want to stop longing for something that I will never have, I will never have a son, I will never have a son!

Huge hugs! I want to say that your post has deeply touched me. I too have a longing for another child- it would be our fourth. However, my husband is not on board, but we have been not using protection for several months. Sadly, we have agreed that he would get a vasectomy next month. I have also been recently diagnosed and confirmed to be in perimenopause. While it doesn't make it any easier, I will. Never. Have. Another. Child. It's final. I too have a hard time seeing friends that are pregnant and birth announcements of sweet babies.

While our stories are different, we both have the longing for something we cannot have. I can offer solace- you're not alone. I think we just have to take one day at a time, acknowledge our feelings, and work on becoming at peace with what we have. It's hard right now, but I feel that someday it will be a bit easier. Will we always have a place in our hearts for the child we never had, sure. I feel that as time goes on, it will be replaced and softened by the love we have of the children we DO have.

(((Huge Hugs)))



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji602], DS3[emoji577][emoji170]
Peace, Love, & Motherhood
My Ovulation Chart

Yes, i think it will also, but I do think it will take a lot of time to be at that place. I didnt have a brother, and now I will never have a son, I will never know how it feels like...there will be an empty place, always... I feel like a horrible person some times, when I hear of some one having another kid, I almost hope they wont get what they want, especially not a boy if they have daughters, because that would do it even harder for me, can u believe that!!

I think when you have gender disappointment (GD), it can be hard to get over. I think time lessens it a bit, but you may always have a twinge of it years from now. My grandma had 3 boys and always wanted a girl. Even now at 87, she expresses the longing she had (has).

Hang in there! Don't let what other people have influence your feelings. Allow yourself to feel what you feel, then work to release it and turn your focus elsewhere.



[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji602], DS3[emoji577][emoji170]
Peace, Love, & Motherhood
My Ovulation Chart

I'm sorry, I don't have any good advice but just hugest (((Hugs)))) - I wish it did not have to be so hard!!!