Absolutely beside myself :(

My son has been getting treated for narrow palate since he was 7 years old. I told the orthodonstidt that I didnt want any teeth removed and he said he doesn't do that and palate expansion will help.

We paid $4500 for phase I treatment and last week it was finished and the orthdontist went in to discuss phase II...i thought it would be routine....wrong!

He showed my my sons xrays and says there isnt enough room for his lower wisdom teeth and now he wants him to have surgery to remove them before he gets braces. Even worse he said that since my son will be under he "might as well remove the upper 2 teeth as well"...there is nothing wrong with the upper teeth and have lots of room.

I am beside myself with guilt and worry. I keep beating myself up over not insisting on more expansion when he was younger...or even using orthotropics which would have prevented his small jaw & reduced the need for braces all together. But I never heard of orthotropics back then even though it has apparently been around for years!

I havent eaten or slept very well in almost a week. My mind keeps alternating between

1) no way in hell is he getting the surgery. Searching for dr who will agree to expand his jaws some more first....

2) it is hopeless and too late...just give up and sign the consent form.....which leads to

3) OMG! Look at all of the risks and side effects....dry socket, cavitations, TMJ, nerve damage....death! OMG! what if he dies? Even young healthy kids are dying from this....which leads to....

4) how could I have been so naieve and stupid? I should have done more research earlier. If only I wasnt so focused on ttc a girl for the last decade...i've failed him. I'm a failure as a mother (combined with a lot of tears/crying in the shower)....loss of appetite, loss of sleep...nightmares even, then anger and ....refusing to give up

5) Back to #1

Worst of all, I have younger children mid treatment with this ortho and I am considering pulling them from the program and trying anything to ensure this doesnt happen to them.

People telling me to calm down (like Dh) doesn't help at all. DH had the surgery and first said "no big deal"....then later when I rattle off the side effects he goes "oh yeah, I had that....yup...that too!" ...when he tells me death is rare I think "yeah, those parents whose kids died were told it was rare too and now its too late for them"

I completely understand, my kids and I have had to have dental surgery and it's really scary. Longest two days of my life when they had to go under for the surgery.

FWIW I had TMJ before the surgery and it fixed it. So it can sometimes make things better instead of worse.

I don't have any more advice than that, I know it's a really hard decision to make especially when you're not sure if it's necessary.

Trying to offer positive dental surgery outcomes for you.. I just had two wisdom teeth removed, couldn't even have the full pain relief etc cause of pregnancy and within a day it was like nothing had even happened. I think it depends on the dentist/ortho/surgeon and I didn't even think about dry socket until it was too late and by all means should have probably had it but didn't.. the risks are real and there for a reason but the chances are low.. if he is going to want to pull the two teeth eventually anyhow I'd have him do it while he's already under.. it's less to go through later.

Biggest hugs to you hon... motherhood is a hard and emotionally exhausting job. You haven't failed him just because you have your own dreams as well... i hope you make the right choice for you and your son and find some peace with this :(

I am an older Mom too (42) and I have no idea what you are talking about. So please please please do not beat yourself up for not knowing. If no one tells you, how would you have known.
I went through 4 years of braces (6th - 9th grade). I have 2 teeth extracted while awake in that time because of my huge overbite. When I was 17 I had to have my wisdom teeth removed because they were coming in sideways. I was under for that one. As long as you take good care of the holes and NO straws or sucking, dry socket can be avoided.
I know is was not easy for my Mom, but the military required the surgery before I joined. She does have a unique perspective though since she used to be an oral surgeon assistant.
My advise would be to follow your gut. If you feel that you need to get another 1, 2 or even 3 opinions, then do it. HUGS Parenting is so tough!!!

Well after a week of stressing, research, 5 different consults and a billion emails I had another meeting with my son's orthodontist.

I had a lot of questions and wanted his opinion on the different options I learned about.

I only asked questions (what is the diagnosis, what is the treatment plan, what are the side effects, what are the results, etc) and didnt bother getting into a debate.

After 30 min, I was 3/4 through my questions and he starts looking at his watch and says he needs to leave soon (plus he took a 10 min break in the middle of my consult to deal with a patient).

Then he says, I quote "i'm going to be retiring soon and won't be accepting new patients after the end of March. If you want me to treat your son, he needs to have the surgery done and be in my chair in the next three weeks."...then he thanked me for coming and instructed me to inform the office when the surgery is complete as he ushered me out the door :mad:

My son has been his patient for seven years straight so I don't see how he qualifies as a "new" patient.

And....oh my gosh! Quick! You're retiring so that sounds like a perfect reason to rush my son into a surgery I'm not sure about! :nails:

Um....NO! Sorry! I don't think so!

I am grateful my ortho has been able to whittle down my choices to two treatment options instead of three....and to think I was feeling guilty for considering leaving his practice!

Geez, what a nerve on that guy!!!