Is IVF right for me?

So after a 5th loss following RPL testing and treatments, I've booked an IVF consult with our RE to get a firm medical and financial guideline (instead of me just Googling).

Has anyone here had RPL and then success with IVF with PGD?

Part of me is in deep mourning over not getting the chance to naturally concieve my son, but the other part of me is despondent that I'm losing pregnancies and I'd hate to go through all of this just to conceive another girl if we finally had a natural conception stick. The financial burden is weighing on my heavily as well.

I'm looking for feedback and advice. Do you have regrets from IVF? Do you view your IVF child differently than your other kids? While I do have secondary infertility issues that are pointing me down this road, I'm worried about being looked at weird for wanting a specific gender -- any advice when dealing with medical staff?

Welcome to the HT boards:happy:

I'm sorry about your losses. I've quietly followed your story but I don't tend to comment much outside of the HT boards.

I can assure you that a US clinic will not look at you oddly for selecting which gender you want to transfer. Many women suffering from infertility still choose to transfer one gender over the other, even if it is their first child. Gender selection at many US clinics is not taboo at all and they won't question or think it strange if you want an XY transferred. It's not even something you need to discuss at great length with any medical staff at all. At HRC, I told them I wanted a XX transferred and that was it. There was no further discussion about it.

I am currently 11 weeks with my HT girl but the road hasn't been easy for me. I had never previously suffered from infertility or miscarriages and yet I still had a chemical pregnancy and a miscarriage following my first two transfers. Many do find success with their first transfers though. If you have thyroid or other issues that would definitely need to be sorted first, but I can tell you from a professional standpoint that many RPL patients find success with ivf. I worked as an embryologist for several years and saw many RPL patients with primary or secondary unexplained infertility go on to have babies. At the time, I recall some of the Drs I worked with saying "I don't know what it is, but something about the ivf process seems to help the RPL population". This is strictly hearsay and perhaps there has been more research or logical explanation since I heard this conversation but I thought it was interesting none the less.

I don't think I'll look at my HT daughter any differently than my naturally conceived sons. If anything the whole HT process (and the heartbreak it brought me) has made me SO appreciative and in awe of the whole conception process and how it ever manages to work at all! Even in the midst of my HT disappointments I didn't regret going down this pathway at all. It gave me a lot of comfort knowing I did everything I could possibly do to have a DD.

I wish you so much luck and comfort in whatever path you choose to take and if you have any further HT questions about the process don't hesitate to ask!

Thank you so much for your response! It's helped me feel a lot better. I hope your embryologist is right -- my heart can't handle any more loss!

Huge congrats to you and wishing you a safe and healthy rest of your pregnancy with your DD :)

Throwaway,
Isn’t it so wonderful that so many women have the opportunity to go HT if needed, whether for emotional or physical reasons it is such a blessing. I hope if you choose to go that route all goes well for you, and you find peace and confidence in your decision.

In regards to what “other people” may think, or have opinions, about gender selection, I think of it this way...if someone was sick and needed modern medicine to have a surgery they would, no questions asked, and they would be grateful for the help. I look at GD the same way... I could go on and on about what I have learned and experienced about the effects or symptoms of Gender desire, and what it means to the health of my family relationships. I do not feel that suffering with gender desire is worth the ache and pain and strain on a family just so you Don’t upset someone who may be against pgd. If someone is against it than they have not experienced the feelings you have. I have not ever done HT, but this was my thought process regarding it, and just my personal opinion. I hope you get some answers from people who have experienced it. I would be interested to know too.

My heart goes out to you for the heartache that you have been experiencing. Good luck!

TP – I think that if your RE believes this to be your best option following your losses, it is fantastic you have the opportunity to do gender selection at the same time.. we had issues with getting pregnant with our first two, and as much as I do not regret this little lady coming, if I had had the option for gender selection here in Australia, I would certainly have considered it! (in fact, it’s crossed my mind for a potential fourth, though I know DH will not want to do it and it is such a massive toll emotionally, financially and on the older kids to have to go HT overseas that I doubt we’d actually do it anyways).
In the US, with it being legal, I doubt it is frowned upon – and you don’t have to tell everyone that you meet how bub was conceived, none of their business!
Good luck, whatever option you chose!

Thank you all for your responses!! There's a big fear this will end up a "very expensive miscarriage," especially since our insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment. We would be able to cover one round, and I've read so much that one round is rarely enough.

Everyday is me battling myself. "Well maybe after we do a, b and c we'll finally get one to stick" but then the idea of a girl after all this makes my stomach drop. On the other side, imagining knowing I'm carrying a son with really good chances after PGD seems like there isn't a price tag for how much joy even the thought gets me... but that price tag. I didn't do it for my DD; am I being unfair in going through such steps for a DS? But I also want her to have her brother so badly, and at this rate she might be an only child unless we do something :( My dreams of 3 or 4 kids is really shot.

You won't be looked at weird, it is VERY common especially with RPL to want to do a family balancing PGD and they are totally fine with that.