Ttc in January and having doubts

Hey everyone!
So I’m kind of having a hard time. We are going to try to conceive another baby in January. I’ve always wanted 6 kids, a large happy family. I always pictured myself having mostly boys. And marrying my husband who comes from a family of boys I didn’t have many doubts. But I’m 3 girls in and I’m starting to have my doubts. I adore my baby girls and I wouldn’t trade them for the world but I long for a baby boy next.
I’ve made my boy sway plan and I’m getting all geared up for it but I’m really feeling scared about it. What if I sway and get my hopes up and find out it’s another girl? Finding out I was having my third girl was actually really hard for me. She was born and I fell in love and felt so grateful for her, so I’m sure it will be fine but I feel sad about the possibility of not getting my boys. Why have more kids if I’m going to be sad about the gender? Do I give up my dream for a large family because of gender disappointment? I feel so guilty talking about this. I am so so so grateful for my baby girls, and so grateful that I can have children! Please don’t get me wrong. I feel very blessed. But I also have that longing for sons that I can’t ignore. I guess I’m just looking for other moms who have been through this? I’m needing a little guidance with how to proceed with this. Thanks in advance.

I completely understand your nerves, mine get the best of my too sometimes. How are you feeling about your sway to date?
Do you think you had been living a very pink friendly lifestyle in the past? I ask thinking about the fact you would like a big family. I think if you've lived a lifestyle that can somewhat explain having three girls in a row then I would dive into swaying and take the plunge. If you are thinking about potentially having three more kids, with a strong blue sway, you are likely to have at least one boy in there.
For myself I was a textbook pink sway prior to DD1 and to a lesser extent before DD2 which helps me believe in swaying. But we only wanted two kids and I'm pushing it even thinking about having a third. All my eggs are in this basket and I know if we have one more baby, even with a great blue sway there is still a chance for a girl which would just make me wonder why we even bothered.

I always wanted 5 or 6 kids and sitting at 4 boys, knowing I should stop, and that I'd probably just have another boy anyway, what I realized was while I couldn't really control my baby's gender I COULD control at least having the number of kids I wanted and I made a decision that no matter what, I was going to be happy because I had accomplished my goal of family size that I wanted.

I happen to know a family of 6 girls and they are AMAZING. Every one of them is different and awesome. One is a teacher, one is a soldier, one is a mom, one is a doctor, and the other two still in school. They are just the most special family ever and those of us lucky enough to have a big, all gender family - other people DO NOT feel sorry for us. Once we get out of the baby stage, everyone thinks our families are really cool. They'll say things like "I want my daughter to marry one of the Johnson boys" or "The Anderson girls are so lovely". NO ONE is sitting around feeling sorry for us at all! It just doesn't happen that way, it's our perception.

So personally, I would go for it. Worst case scenario you get more little ladies to love and a really unique family that others will find remarkable. And best case scenario you do get a boy. You don't ever "lose" in this scenario. you only win. :)