Miscarriage at 16 weeks with surprise 5th child. Want TTC a Girl (have 3 boys 1 girl).

Hi Atomic and everyone!

I have 3 boys and 1 girl. Atomic helped me conceive our girl in 2015 and she was born in May 2016! She is so very loved in our family and the perfect addition. We *thought* she was our last, but I got pregnant again by complete surprise in September 2017! We were totally shocked but eventually extremely excited.

Because I am 35 they offered me an NIPT and those results came back as “girl!” I was stunned as we hadn’t planned to be pregnant and let alone with another girl! I felt like it was ‘meant to be’... fast forward to 16 weeks. I began to spot, which I know can be normal in pregnancy. In my case, it was not. I had an overwhelming instinct that something was very wrong. I received confirmation that the baby had actually died at 12 weeks, but my body had not recognized it as a loss until that time. I had a D&C on January 31st. It was an awful and heart wrenching experience. They couldn’t find a clear reason that the miscarriage happened, but the baby abruptly stopped developing at 12 weeks and was not well-developed at that. My uterus and placenta looked perfectly normal. Besides being 35, I have no known risk factors and have had 4 healthy pregnancies and children. So, nothing on my end seemed to have attributed to the loss either. They/we assume it was a chromosomal defect not detected by the NIPT.

Now, even though we had never planned on a 5th, I would like to have another baby and my husband is on board. I would also like to have another girl.

So.... my questions are:
1. How soon can we TTC? My doctor said I am cleared to try after 1 full cycle. I’d like to try as soon as possible, but also want to be mindful of what occurred.
2. Is miscarriage still thought to sway girl? For how long?
3. Should I follow the same plan you prepared for me in 2015 atomic?
4. Should I wait to conceive in a more girl-friendly month, or has that factor been debunked?
5. Any idea if I’m more likely to miscarry after having a missed mc in the late first trimester?
6. Should I request any additional blood work for myself (thyroid, clotting disorder, etc)? I passed HUGE (softball size) blood clots even after my D&C? Would that indicate anything I should be tested for?

I truly believe in the success of what you do Atomic!! I’ve referred so many friends to this site for that reason. Thank you!!


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@atomic_sagebrush - not sure if I can tag you or not. [emoji8]


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Any input would be Much appreciated. Thank you!!


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Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. :LotsofLove: A friend of mine is going through the same thing after losing her daughter.

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Originally Posted by ksmom

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss. :LotsofLove: A friend of mine is going through the same thing after losing her daughter.

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Thank you so much. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but one that I treasured. I never expected it ending the way it did in a missed miscarriage. I’m praying for your sweet friend too.


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Bumping. Thank you!


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Bumping again for Atomic!


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Thank you so much for your patience!

I'm so sorry for your loss. :heart:

1)Generally I like you guys to wait 2 cycles after a 16 week loss plus D and C but the doctor would know better on that. If they feel it was uncomplicated and you're ok after a cycle I think that is ok provided it's a good menstrual flow and not just a very light amount of spotting. We are aiming at making sure all the lining has had a chance to slough off in case there were any cells remaining from the D and C.

2)Yes, at least for a cycle afterwards and maybe longer. Your body was just pregnant and then had the loss and both of those things are depleting, and also will affect your hormone levels too.

3)I can't easily look up your plan from 2015. We have changed a few things like dropping herbs and aspirin and antihistamine (except for those who really really insist upon using them) and cutting back on the jellies. The things that have been most reliable are LE Diet 12 weeks or more plus fiber, coffee, and alcohol (you would not need to do the diet that long since you just had the loss, which was depleting), exercise 4-7 days a week, 60 min. a day, one attempt or every 4 day method, and Clomid or Femara if you can get them. For hubby, smoking, jogging, biking, and possibly Olive Leaf Extract have seemed to be adding something to success rates. Most of the other stuff has seemed to not add anything to our success rates and does cut odds of conception. Fine if you want to use them, but you don't need to use them if you don't want to.

4)Months are minor, I would not even bother with it. I got my girl in a boy month. If it works out, great, if not, don't sweat it.

5)Probably not unless there is some underlying health condition going on. Since you've had healthy pregnancies in the past it most likely was just one of those times where things did not work out for no real reason. ((((hugs)))) While it's never possible to stop worrying in future pregnancies the odds are very very good that this was a one time only circumstance.

6)It's always a good idea to have thyroid, clotting factors, and autoimmune (this is a new one I'm recommending to everyone now). Clots can be caused by lots of things so I don't find that particularly indicative of anything, but if they can do the testing that would be of benefit just to rule things out, at any rate.

Thanks again so much for your patience!!

Just wanted to come on and say how sorry I am.
I am not a Dr or an expert but I too had a late miscarriage at 20 weeks. She was our second successful girl sway.
She died from something called cord stricture. We tested with harmony and she was normal chromosomaly.
We tried for months before her to get pregnant and then after my AF returned we tried for months as well. We were seeing a fertility specialist and ruled out anything wrong with hubby or I. I took Clomid, and even tried iui and still didn't get pregnant.
I know some people say you're more fertile after and there's no need to wait to TTC after your AF returns.
For us unfortunately we were not more fertile.
We have since moved onto ivf and now have 11 frozen embryos I am waiting to hear how many are healthy and female to transfer back over in a few days.

My heart goes out to you in this situation and I just want to wish you all the luck in the world. They say time heals all... but so far it just seems some days are better than others. Nothing is really heals.